8 years ago I worked in an office setting. I was responsible for payroll, accounts receivable, and federal deductions (among other things). I worked there for 2 years, and in that time period, I came upon my stapler. She’s a small desk size Swingline design series from the early 90s. She has a tortoise shell high impact plastic top. She is my stapler. She left with me, finished an additional 2 years of college, and then went on to the classroom. Nobody lays a finger on my tortoise shell Swingline. Ever. I will be buried with that stapler.
I have 2 staplers in the regular rotation here at work. First, I have my workhorse; an electric Swingline 270 that holds a 2500 staple cartidge. It never seems to run out of staples, can staple 2-approx. 45 pages with ease, and is pretty quiet due to a rotating gear assembly that drives the staple instead of the air hammer thing. It was originally was my boss’ but she couldn’t ever get it to work and insisted that I give her my old Rapid 100 Electric which always jams (probably from cheap staples) and sounds like a dump truck dropping a dumpster in exchange. Second, is my Stanley Bostitch 00540. The base is 14" long and it has a 12" handle on it that drives heavy duty staples from 3/8" to 15/16" through ANYTHING. I have stapled wooden rulers together with this thing. Damn, I’m becoming the Mel Kiper of staplers.
I knew that if anyone could understand the love between a girl and her Romeo Maestri Primula 6, it would be you, Shirley. World domination will soon be ours.
I’ve worked here for 15 years, and it was old when I came here. It’s scratched. It’s logo has worn away. It’s mine. I’ve worked more paper than you could dream of and it’s never failed me. Never jams. Even when I stupidly try to staple a gazillion sheets and once, it will do it’s best. But not jam. I love this thing. When I go, it goes with me.
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Bristo The Magnificent Mentalist, will astound you with incredible feats of psychic ability! (On my honor, all bits leading up to the moment of the Great Reveal are 100% true)
Now then, I have clicked the “Reply” button to this thread having read the thread title and the title alone! And now…yes…I’m getting something…the forces of the Netherworld are speaking to me…Yes! I see a bare minimum of two references to Office Space and/or Milton in this thread!
And now, to verify this astounding feat with a Preview:
Yes! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen; you’ve been a wonderful audience!
Oh, and yeah, *Swinglines * rule. I used to have two on my desk at work. One followed me home.
FWIW, I agree with your theory. I just stapled 50 times with my Boston. Four of them would be business plan/ presentation material. The others all looked incomplete.
My darling Marcie takes my Swingline every chance she gets. She takes it off my desk, carries it into her boudoir and does God knows what with it. I think she married me for my Swingline. I have to hunt it down three or four times per week. I get to fill it with staples and keep it for a couple of days and then it disappears again. She does the same thing with my favorite ball point pen, too.
At the risk of sounding like an idiot, would someone please explain a “Milton”? Is it a noun and/or a verb? (I realize it’s something to do with the movie “Office Space”, but haven’t seen it yet. Use a spoiler box if need be, in the unlikely case there is someone as culturally impaired as I am.)
As for me, I have four staplers - one large gray desk model, and three mini staplers (one was free with a staple puller, one came home with me from work, and the other I have owned since college) - almost looks like Mama Duck and the Ducklings, or a lead singer and the back-up group.
Even today, Swinglines are too heavy and jam all the time. Go for any one of the nice Stanley Bostich staplers. Lightweight, abuse-resistant and I’ve never had mine jam.
I agree on your theory about staplers. Where I work, there are four staplers int he office where I am. One of them works.
There all the same make too. Although the one that works is a different model. At home I have a a tiny Rexel stapler that I use for my college work, it cost the grand total of €5 and its never failed.
Technically, Milton is originally a character of a Mike Judge short shown on MTV’s Liquid Television. He’s the guy who created Beavis & Butthead, and, IIRC, who wrote Office Space. The character was essentially the same, though when the boss swiped the Swingline he did it with slow, evil finesse rather than just snatching it off the desk.
I have an ancient grey Swingline that has a big platform on the top that you hit. I took it after the very old guy that worked here who owned it died. I think it’s older than I am.
That thing could staple an elephant to a cement wall.
I can’t tell you whether or not my stapler works, because it desn’t exist.
I’m in charge of the “express” area at the copy shop where I work. IOW the place the customers get to use our stuff. There are four work tables scattered amongst the copiers, with little bins on them holding rubber bands, pens, highlighters, tape, white-out, paperclips, scissors and stalers. Every day I go to work at 1:00 pm, take four staplers, load them fresh with brand-new staples, and set one on each work table. I take my lunch at 5:00, and when I return, three of the staplers are gone. I then confiscate the fourth stapler and hide it under my desk, only allowing it out when customers specifically ask for it, and attempt to keep my eyes on it the entire time it’s out of my hands. However, by the time I close out my shift at 9:00, that last stapler has also disappeared.
It drives me crazy. We’re losing at least a hundred dollars in staplers a month! Yet we can’t chain them to the tables or anything, so there’s no respite in sight.
I have two Swinglines at the house that work flawlessly.
Here at the office they purchased GBC Bates. This thing works about 1 out of 10 attempts in punching a staple through 2 sheets of paper, it’s worse if you try and staple more than two sheets. :rolleyes: