When I came home the dog was acting skulky, which means she’s been up to something. That something generally entails eating some weird-ass thing she scrounged up somewhere. And I don’t mean food, I mean Q-Tips, tinfoil, toilet paper rolls, autographed photos of David Hasselhof, or if I get careless and leave it out, my checkbook. God, she loves to eat my checkbook. So I look in her bed (which is where she squirrels away these treasures), and I find a half-eaten pack of cigarettes, cellophane and all. I don’t get it. She’s got a bowl full of this fancy dog food with real shark cartilage (it prevents scurvy according to David Hasselhof), and she’s eating cigarettes. I think she’s still pissed that I made her quit smoking.
That isn’t healthy. I’ve seen plenty of dogs that needed hospitalization after eating tobacco.
Your woofer isn’t stupid; she got your attention didn’t she?
And watch her carefully. If she in truth ate the cigs, she has a bellyful of nicotine, which is poisonous to humans and dogs. You just smoke it in controlled doses; she ATE a whopping dose.
Your furry best friend needs more attention. She’s doing this stuff to get it. Build in some random play time, talking, etc. and bet the woofer will stop with the destruction.
Your dog doesn’t KNOW the human stuff that’s dangerous! She doesn’t want the “stuff”, she wants you. Your dog can die from this!
Veb
Thanks for the tip guys. I didn’t know tobacco was dangerous to dogs. I checked the pack again, and it seems she mostly ate the filters and the package. I’ll keep an eye on her though.
I was only kidding about the dumb part, but I’m not sure it’s an attention thing. She really likes Q-Tips. A lot. Several times I’ve walked out of the house and then realized I forgot something, and by the time I get back inside she’s already dug one out of the trash. Then again, she definitely gets my attention with the checkbook.
What I really want to know is this: autographed pictures of David Hasselhof? Surely, that’s not a healthy environment for a dog to be in 
Actually, I don’t think that’s a healthy environment for anyone to be in.
Brillo. Winston used to eat brillo. He loved the stuff. Probably because it tasted like week-old-bottom-of-the-lasagna-dish.
And yet they’re man’s best friend, so what does that say about men?
Seems to me your dog is pretty smart. She is obviously lonely when you are away and that is why she chews… and even better is the attention she gets when you get home to find what she has done.
You have to remember that even negative attention is good attention to a dog… or some people even!!
An old friend of mine had a book called The Poor Man’s James Bond. In it, it described a way to commit suicide if you are imprisoned: Save your cigarette butts and put them in a cup of water. Let them steep until you have a strong tea. Drink it and you will die. It also mentioned that since the poison is an alkaloid, you might get quite a buzz before you snuff it. (I never did find out why he has that book, BTW.)
Anyway, “Keep cigarettes out of reach of dogs.”
The fact that he only ate HALF the pack indicates that he isn’t that dumb
Or maybe he is making his own “artistic statement” against the tobacco industry. Isn’t the use of metaphors and such a sign of higher intelligence?
hehehehe
Dogs that spend most of their time indoors or in cages or kept on a short chain all the time tend to develop strange habits and do wierd things. Mabey what your dogs needs is to get out more. Dogs who stay out side tend to act more “normal” and i think they look more healthy. If you live in a city this may be difficult. (these are my observations, not a doctors)
My dogs stay outdoors all the time. They have never been on a leash, infact, they have never even wore a collar! ( no highways nearby, so they are free to roam as they please!)
The strangest things my dogs do is they refuse to let you give them ear mite medicine. In the early fall my dogs even catch and eat rats, rabbits, and possums. Mabey some kind of hunter instinct.
Also i have noticed inbred dogs have too many toes. My dogs Klondike an inbred white mutt, has seven toes on each back foot.
You man if I ATE the cigarettes instead of smoking them, I’d get more for my money?
– Uke, Practiser of Selective Reading
WRONG!!!
Scurvy is caused by a lack of vitamin C, which is found in fresh fruit and vegetables. The link between fresh produce and prevention of scurvy was established about 200 years ago by sailors. To the best of my knowledge, there is no vitamin C in shark cartilage.
And since when was David Hasselhof an authority on dietary health? He seems to have been sucked in by the extensive misinformation campaign surrounding shark cartilage, including cures for cancer and arthritis.
There is no conclusive data to suggest that shark cartilage has any therapeutic powers whatever.
Maybe your dog does need to get out more, for exercise and play, but once again, I will advise against pets being left outside on a continual basis. Also, if dogs are going to be out in public, they should always be on a lead and be trained to behave properly. And all dogs should wear collars with identification and rabies tag.
My dog likes Q-tips, too! She’s not a problem chewer - never chews shoes, furniture, etc., just her bones and toys. If she sees a Q-tip, though, she’s all over it.
Justin, my dog’s a mostly indoor dog (although she gets lots of regular exercise outside) and she doesn’t have any weird behavioral problems. We pay her tons of attention, spend a lot of time playing with her and TRAINING her, and she’s a great member of the household. Domestic dogs are not wild animals and can get hurt if they’re allowed to roam on their own outside all the time…not just by cars, either. Trust me, a snake’s survival instincts are much more finely honed than your dogs’. Also, most places I’ve lived have required identification & rabies tags to be worn at all times, not to mention the fact that most places have leash laws.
But maybe his dog really is dumb. Wouldn’t it make sense that a Dumbguy has a dumb dog? I know my cats are Gr8
Disclaimer: All references to David Hasselhof and scurvy in the original post were fictional embellishments intended for entertainment purposes. I think intended is the key word there.
I had a writing teacher in college who taught me that you could spice up any story by adding pudding, scurvy, meat cleavers, or David Hasselhof. This has become something of a crutch for me.
Disclaimer: All references to college writing teachers in the preceding post were fictional embellishments intended for entertainment purposes.
Both my dogs eat poop. One likes it fresh out of the back end of the other dog; the other one prefers the poop to “age” a little. We try to pick it up, but sometimes we miss a pile…
Other than that, they don’t really eat weird things. But one of them will pick up something small to chew on, and when I catch her, she will stop chewing and hold her mouth shut, looking at me innocently. She gives the complete impression that she either doesn’t have anything, or she has swallowed it. In truth, she is pulling the old “I don’t have anything in my mouth” fakeroo, and when I start digging in her mouth, she drops the object.