No, I don’t mean volunteering at the soup kitchen. I’m not talking about donating to charity or carrying an elderly lady’s groceries. What I’m talking about is something I wrestle with on a nearly daily basis. It is something I know I need to learn to accept but I just can’t seem to get past this. It generally goes something like this:
For the purpose of this illustration a bank teller will be used. It could just as easily be a stranger, waitress, convenience store clerk, etc.
Bank Teller - Good morning, how are you?
Birdbrain - Good, how are you?
Bank Teller - I’m well
Birdbrain - Silent as I wonder how Bank teller could possibly be so obnoxious and pretentious that she cannot, for just this one transaction, forget her impeccable grammar and pretend that she is just a common person like me. Alternatively, if I’m feeling particularly scrappy, I reiterate that I am doing good. This does not seem to phase Bank Teller.
There are probably enough discussions about whether good or well is correct, linking verbs vs action verbs, etc, and I’m not interested in starting another. I do wonder how many of you think that it would be nice if Bank Teller would code switch in order to make me feel more at ease. I’m sure most people think that I should obsess over something more substantial but this is pretty much consuming me right now. So what do you think? Should I tell Bank Teller I’m fine? Should I inquire about Bank teller’s health? Any other ideas?
Please bear in mind that being more tolerant and less trivial is not an option for me. I suppose I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I might just want someone in my corner.
OK, since I’m often on the “I’m well, thanks, how are you?” side of things, perhaps you could just do what everyone else does when I say it and just reply with, “I’m good/I’m fine/I’m cool/I’m OK/Doing OK/Can’t complain/Hey, at least it’s Friday”?
It’s not required to repeat the exact same phrase back in this particular social interaction.
I think those are all valid and grammatically correct responses, but they say different things. So perhaps the Bank Teller simply told you what she chose to tell you.
[ul]
[li] “I’m good.” – Means you’ve behaved yourself properly and can expect a good result from Santa Claus.[/li][li] “I’m well.” – I am healthy.[/li][li] “I’m fine.” – I am of very good quality and available in expensive department stores everywhere.[/li][li] ETA: “I’m cool.” – You are in a room with excessive air conditioning on a frigid day.[/li][/ul]
(ETA: Apologies for being carelessly inconsistent with first person vs. third person in the above examples.)
So Bank Teller simply told you that she’s healthy, that’s all.
Or perhaps, Bank Teller said “I’m well” simply because that’s the linguistic word choice she heard all her life and that’s the way she’s accustomed to saying it.
I go the bank every Friday and exchange niceties with Bank Teller. I notice she tells almost everyone she is “well,” not “fine” or “good.” I don’t let it bother me much – most of us have our own peculiarities (though few are as flagrant as Teller’s “well”). Anyway, I assumed this peculiar diction was more of a simple disability than any mental illness or passive aggression.
But lately I notice she’s been substituting “good” when she talks to one customer – my friend birdbrain. She still says “well” to the rest of us. Is she being condescending to birdbrain? Or is it some kind of conwoman’s ploy? He has been smiling back; I worry that a woman who will change her diction to suit a man may be a golddigger with other seduction tricks.
Should I warn my friend? Let him make his own mistakes? Suggest he try " I am well" to test her reaction? I notice Teller has changed her hairdo and, perhaps, shade of lipstick so I’m afraid I do need an answer fast.
A friend of mine once imparted great wisdom to me: don’t bug people when they’re trying to do a good thing. The bank teller was trying to be polite: don’t reject this. Don’t pick at it like an old scab. Don’t demand he do better. Relax and take it as it is meant: a polite answer to a polite question, and a happy, optimistic, cheerful one too. The world is that much better for it.
FrankJBN, stop being a jerk. You have been told by a couple different moderators that this type of posting is not tolerated outside the Pit. This is a warning; accumulate a few and your posting privileges will come under discussion by the staff.
Do good I? No! Evil anon I deliver! Sanitary sword atuck Carol, I, lo, rack, cut a drowsy rat in aswan. I gas nine more hero men in Saginaw. Reviled, I Nona live on! I do, o God!
If you’re serious about that last sentence, just tell her exactly what you’ve told us in that first sentence. Then think about looking for a new bank as they escort you off the premises. But if I were you, I’d just let it go.
There are some people who actually do this to mean what you seem to think the teller meant, but they very much emphasize the word “well.” And they all but roll their eyes at you when they say it.
And, even then, it’s often a bad habit they picked up and no ill will is intended. (They just hung around GQ a little too much. ;))
Any chance that English is not the teller’s first language? Sometimes the grammar learned in a classroom does not match with the current modes of speaking. Or the mental translation is analogous the speaker’s first language.
It may not even be obvious that you are speaking to a non-native English speaker. I didn’t know that the super at the building where I work was from Poland until he mentioned it. He has been here long enough so that his accent has faded.