I’m not usually annoyed by the question “How are you?” It’s an innocuous enough bit of small talk that can be used to start a conversation when you don’t know what to say. Usually, however, I am feeling fine, and can therefore truthfully answer the question with “fine” or “good” or “quite well,” and then inquire as to how the questioner is. However, when I feel like shit, as I have for the past few days, the question pisses me off. I always have to lie and say “fine” (which always comes out sounding completely unnatural), because current social mores don’t allow you to answer, “I feel like shit.”
Therefore, I rant against this stupid question and everyone who has ever employed it, including myself. It’s not a request for information, as a question is supposed to be, but a request for the word “fine.”
Damn question… Go to hell.
Sorry if this rant was a bit lame. I’ve been feeling like shit lately.
I don’t think it’s unacceptable to answer “I’ve been better” or “not so good”; it can be a request for cues as to how to approach the rest of the conversation, not your life story.
I have the same problem when someone thanks me for doing something that I didn’t want to do in the first place - polite society dictates that I should respond to thier thanks with “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” when what I really want to say is “Blow it out your ass, dickhead!!!” or “Oh, sure, guilt-trip me into doing something and then thank me in that surprised tone of voice that implies that it was my idea all along, Mom!”
I never mind someone responding, “pretty awful, actually.” I ask because I want to know. Just because I assume you’re probably ok doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear when you’re not.
I don’t ask unless I really want to know the answer.
If I’m asked and am not doing well then I say “Eh. I’m alive.” or “It’ll be 5 o’clock/Friday soon enough.” That makes me feel better because I’m not being phony and doesn’t require that I give TMI. The normal response is something along the lines of “One of those days, huh?” which still leads to small chitchat but gives a little more room for honest conversation.
My dad likes to mess with people’s heads, so he’ll reply, “Pretty good for a Tuesday,” regardless of what day of the week it is. Of course, it if is Tuesday, he’ll say Thursday instead.
My dad likes to mess with people’s heads, so he’ll reply, “Pretty good for a Tuesday,” regardless of what day of the week it is. Of course, if it is Tuesday, he’ll say Thursday instead.
At my summer job (I’m a cashier at a certain electronics store people love to hate) I’m “encouraged” to greet the customers with “Hello, how are you today?” I hate doing so, especially because most of the time people will answer with “Fine, and yourself?” and I’ll have to lie and say “I’m well, thanks” instead of “well, I’m really depressed right now because I have no friends and am quite lonely, plus my depression/anxiety medication I’ve been put on isn’t working yet and I’m worried that I’ll never get rid of my mental problems. Also, I have the runs.” Usually on days when I’m really in a bad mood I’ll try to get away with not asking them that, but my managers will often get on my case for not being cheery enough. Bah!
I have to confess that I would refrain from shopping in a store where the policy was like that; I like it when the cashier says hello, but that’s the limit for me (at least the limit on imposed conversation; I’m quite happy to participate in a ‘natural’ chit chat, should one arise (this happens more often than you might imagine because I am always buying exotic foodstuffs that the assistants in supermarkets aren’t familiar with).
If someone asks me how I am, and I’m not fine, I’ll say “angry” or “upset” or whatever. I also refuse to say “goodmorning” unless it is a good morning. A conversation I had a couple of days ago started like this:
Other person: “Good morning!”
Me: “Well, it’s not a particularly good morning, but ‘morning’ to you too.”
By the way, do you want to tell us what has been so wrong lately that makes you feel like shit?
Dunno - it doesn’t mean anything to me, particularly. I do make a point to answer truthfully, though, often in the same cheery manner in which the question was asked. Chipper co-worker: “How are you?” Me (same tone of voice): “Terrible!” - usually delivered in a brief keep-walking hallway encounter.
I’ve been known to answer “Next question.” when I’m depressed, stressed out, or otherwise antisocial. Friends and co-workers know that’s a warning sign.
My grandfather used to say, “I’ve been better, but it cost more.” I use it when I’m not feeling well and usually I get a startled look and a grin–and a discontinuance of the questioning.
Well, the people who are asking me this are usually people I don’t know all that well, and who I don’t want to discuss my personal life with. If I say I’m not feeling too good they’ll ask why, and I’ll have to say I don’t want to talk about it. It’s easier in the long run to lie, but it would be even easier if they didn’t ask the damn question.
People who know me well can think up better ways to start a conversation with me.
Thanks for all the responses, folks. Some have given me a laugh, and I’m beginning to feel better. Maybe soon I’ll be able to truthfully answer “fine” and this can stop bugging me.