I go with “Meh - been better, been worse” and a shrug.
No offense, but I hate it when people answer with anything less than a positive. I use “How’s it going?” (or a derivitive) as a general, all-purpose greeting. People who answer, “Terrible,” or “I’ve had better,” almost sound like they want everyone else to feel bad, too. I know that’s not the case, but that’s what it feels like. I always say everything’s great, even when it’s not, because it makes me feel happier when people do the same to me; therefore, I conclude it must do the same for other people.
I have three standard answers to the “How are you?” question:
- “Don’t ask. Just don’t fucking ask.”
- “What–like, honestly?”
- taking pulse “Oooohhhhh, shit.”
Or, I give them the truth. The whole truth, in all its technicolour goodness. Complete with facial expressions, technical terms, newspaper quotes and whatever pictures Wal-Mart was willing to process.
This guarantees that they’ll not ask a second time.
Miss Manners sez that you should always answer “How are you?” with “Fine, and how are you?” Like throatshot says, many people just consider it a greeting, not an actual request for information.
So unless the person is a friend or family member who you know wants an honest answer, you can just say, “Oh, fine, and you?” without feeling like you’re being dishonest.
What I hate is when someone greets you with, “Wow, you look tired!” or “Gee, you look like you’re feeling under the weather! Are you sick?” or something like that, when actually I’m feeling pretty perky. “No, I’m fine. I guess I just look like death warmed over. Thanks for noticing.”
That’s why I always answer positively, whether I’m feeling good or not: I know the questioner doesn’t really want to know. However, I hate starting conversations with pointless lies, so I wish people just wouldn’t ask the question. Why not say “hi” or “hey” or “wassup?” (which is such a meaningless question the only possible answer is “not much”) or “good morning/afternoon/evening” or “howdy pardner” or just about anything else?
Why ask how I am if you don’t want to know? There are other ways to greet people, and most of them don’t require a lie if I’m feeling under the weather.
This reminds me of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quote:
Pooh: “Good morning Eeyore!”
Eeyore: “Good morning Pooh. If it is a good morning… which I doubt.”
I’ve used this one once or twice. I’m really not a morning person.
I read Miss Manners, and I know that I’m supposed to just answer, “Fine,” but sometimes I forget. That’s when I end up explaining to co-workers I don’t know very well about my allergies, or my headache, or whatever other ailment is bothering me. They always look a little startled, which is when I suddenly remember that I was supposed to just say, “Fine.”
You could always go with a generic “alive” or “still breathing.”
blessedwolf - I really love your third choice. I may have to try it one day.
What really strokes my goat…
We live in a fast paced society… everyone is in a hurry to go somewhere or do something. That’s fine - completely understandable! However, I hate it when the question, “how are you”, is asked and before you have the time to reply, the person zips away.
If you want to say “hi”, say it! If you want to ask how I’m doing, can you atleast have the courtesy to listen to my reply before you jet. You SMUCK!
I’m sure you have all experienced that one before.
correction… You schmuck!
I used to work in a doctors surgery and it took me ages to train myself not to ask the patients “how are you today” just doesn’t pay to ask that of someone visiting the doctor - its like a request to get the story of their lives.
I figure it won’t kill me to just say, “Fine, and you?” no matter how I’m feeling or what’s going on in my life.
Of course, if a friend is asking when I’m in the mood to whine at someone, I’ll say it in a tiny voice accompanied by a wan smile. That way, if they’re in the mood to listen to whining, they can press me and if they’re not, they can pretend not to have noticed.
One friend and I have a routine of saying, “But how are you, really?” after we exchange niceties.
Hi [Jin], how are you doing today?
Jin: [terse] Adequate, thank you.
(And yes, I enjoy you standing there shuffling your feet and looking uncomfortable, trying to figure out what to say next…)
I also hate being asked that question. By the 150th time in one day, it starts to get a leetle annoying.
I’m with Throatshot. I typically answer “fine, how are you?” and move on. While I do consider it more of a greeting, I do agree that it is rude to not wait for some sort of response before forging ahead.
I truly mean no offense to anyone here - but if I ask someone, “Hey, how’re you doing?” and they give me some smartass reply, I feel like rolling my eyes and saying, “My, aren’t you a clever little fuck.” Smartass doesn’t include saying things like, “A little under the weather” which could be a genuine response - I mean truly smartass/sarcastic responses.
I can appreciate people wishing that this greeting wasn’t in the form of a false inquiry/concern for their well being but I don’t think it makes much of a point to respond with something snarky.
Tibs.
Tibs, if half the time you asked ’ how are you’ it was answered snarkily or truthfully, would you still use it as a greeting?
I’ve done this more than once:
Someone else: “What’s up?”
Me: “I don’t know; haven’t been there yet.”
For me, it’s completely automatic. I would say, “Fine, thanks, and you?” even in a hospital emergency room at midnight.
It doesn’t mean I’m fine any more than writing an Amnesty International letter to a dictator means I think he’s excellent or that I’m his truly.
If someone wants to know how I am, they can probe more deeply (“How are you feeling?” “Is everything okay?” “I heard blah, blah, blah. How is that going for you?”)
Wikkit, honestly, if 1/2 the time it was snarky, I’d stop. If, however, half the time it was merely honest, I’d still ask. Sure, it’d get obnoxious (it already is obnoxious) to keep hearing a sarcastic response to that question.
The problem is that it’s used as a greeting and to genuinely ask people how they are doing. I do like knowing how people are doing - good or bad.
My point is only that I don’t think it’s right to jump on someone for asking you how you are with a snide, sarcastic or biting response. Most people mean well when they ask - I doubt many of them mean to aggravate the person with the question. It just seems far too defensive to me to respond with sarcasm.
Tibs.
What if I really am just adequate?