Hell, as I’ve posted before to the great amusement of the entire board, my husband and I each have our own silverware.
I, personally, have always found this awesome!
If you agreed to set the table, how do you work “get it yourself” into the situation? You agreed to get the dining accoutrements and set them out, if the person is not asking you to do additional work, what’s the problem?
The purpose of setting the table is to create a positive dining environment, it’s not a power grab.
My wife likes her coffee Light No Sugar. If I’m pouring coffee for us, I make hers Light No Sugar, it’s considerate. I don’t pour her black coffee then tell her to “get up and get the milk yourself!”
At home I only drink beer almost exclusively. I drink it out of pint glasses.
My SO does not drink beer.
We both have our regular cups for our morning coffee (him) or tea (me) that we use every day. He has his own beer mug that he uses every day (and washes himself.) I drink it out of the can. I have a specific wine glass I use when drinking wine. He doesn’t drink wine - he just opens the bottle for me. When he drinks soda, he has a specific size of glass he uses (with very little ice), as do I (with a TON of ice). When he has his chocolate milk before bedtime he uses a specific size of glass (pint), and when I have my chocolate chip ice cream before bedtime I use a specific size of glass (a coffee mug.) He eats with a salad fork, I eat with a regular fork. What does all of this say about us? Nothing. I would suspect a LOT of couples are like that - we were both pretty well grown up before we met and have our idiosyncrasies and ways we’ve always done things. And as another person pointed out, it’s considerate to take these things into account when getting something for the other person.
Although, I will say leaving a soaking wet sponge in the bottom of the sink (it should be squeezed out and left to dry on the top of the sink dammit!) does make me kind of stabby at times. But that’s only because my way is the CORRECT way, dammit.
The OP isn’t trying to avoid other people’s germs by using a specific glass. He just likes to drink all his drink out of one specific type of glass, and use the same glass all the time and not dirty a second glass when eating dinner. I’d suspect he’d be ok with his wife taking sips from his glass, as long as he can drink his midnight milk out of it later.
I’m specific about cups too. I’m addicted to these plastic souvenir cups from the Indians stadium. I’ve got a whole stack of them and when they get ratty I toss one and get another. I don’t like to drink milk from them, though. For that I get a proper glass glass.
I also only drink water from a water bottle. Currently it’s a CamelBak with the Microsoft logo on it. I started drinking water deliberately from a bottle so I could track how much I drank in a day. So now I get weird about drinking water that’s not measured…even though I’m no longer keeping track.
Exactly. And if I am the one doing the cooking, seems reasonable to do what I prefer. We’re piling up the mail, and homework, and fruit basket and bundling them off the table temporarily for dinner - why not just grab my glass, which is right next to the spot where we put that stuff?
It seems reasonable to reach one foot to the RIGHT instead of one foot to the LEFT to get my glass from where it is right there on the sink.
WhyNot - yep, I typically just let it ride and roll with the Matchy Matchy…or end up getting my own glass since it literally right behind me when I sit at the kitchen table…
And ZipperJJ - yep, that’s right. This isn’t about germs or anything like that…
My SO likes his water from his big Hoegaarden glass. That’s fine, but not at a nicely laid table (he doesn’t want that either, but I would be annoyed if we had a nice looking table and it had to have that big beer glass on it). If he asks me to pour him a glass of water I will try to get him that glass if it’s clean, because I know he likes it.
I don’t get it though. For other things, maybe, like coffee it matters because if you want a cappuccino you can’t have it in a tiny espresso cup. But why would it matter if water is in a Hoegaarden glass or any other glass?! And if the other glasses are all so inferior, why not go out and buy nice glasses of all the same kind that meet the same high standards as the Hoegaarden glass, so that we don’t need to root around for it and we can lay the table with all matching glasses and he will be happy with those. But for some reason it’s got to be that Hoegaarden glass.
Meh, whatever. He’s happy with the Hoegaarden glass, it’s all good…
(I must say though, I agree with elbows: if it’s an issue at all, then it’s your issue. You take responsibility for your idiosyncrasies, and any time she remembers to give you that glass should be looked on as a favour.)
ETA: I just asked my SO if I have illogical idiosyncrasies that he accommodates. He said: “Yes, loads. Literally everything.” I asked him to name some, but stuff that’s not objectively better. He said: “Making tea in the teapot and you made me clear my pile of bills out of the bookcase.” - Err… ok then.
FTR, Mrs. Cheesesteak declared that she would not set the table with my fictional preferred drinking glass. She is assuming, rightly so, that my preferred glass would most likely be some plastic cup with a picture of a pig on it, and she’s not setting a table with that ugly thing.
We have four 32oz plastic cups that I prefer to use, and I’ll usually keep the same one for a couple of days. I typically only drink water out of them, so it’s not a huge deal. Husband prefers shorter 20oz plastic cups.
Husband also has obnoxious orange bowl that he likes to use, so if it’s soup for dinner, I automatically grab that one. A random fork made it into the house from the camper, but for some odd reason, if it’s clean I’ll always choose it.
These preferences always get put by the wayside if we’re having a more formal sit down dinner - then the matchy-matchy comes out and it’s no big deal.
Oh, and… I have a towel that I use only on my hair. If I find that towel somewhere other than ‘my’ hook in the bathroom, someone is going to be in trouble.
I will admit relief that we’re not alone in our idiosyncrasies.
I can use any glass I don’t care
However I am the only person allowed to use my star trek collectible glass
Yes, we each have our preferred glasses, utensils, and dishes. They make things taste right.
This is why I love the Dope. After 50+ years of life I can still come into a thread and discover that apparently a lot of people do things in their own homes (maybe right in my neighborhood!!) that I have never run across with any friends or family. Everything but clothing, weapons, and musical instruments is used interchangeably in my home. Probably comes from my husband and I owning almost nothing when we married and putting our household together jointly. In fact, he is more likely to want to match glasses & place settings than I am.
You know, I think I have a platonic girl-crush on Mrs. Cheesesteak. She is clearly a lady of taste and wisdom.
We each have cups/glasses/flatware we prefer but the other is indifferent to, which actually works out quite well. This way, we almost never open the cabinet looking to get something of the type we prefer only to find the other person has taken the last clean one.
On the rare occasion we have the sort of meal that we actually set the table for, we usually break out the slightly nicer stuff that actually matches.
I wish everyone here had a preferred drinking glass…I can use the same one all day. My son and husband, however, will have a collection of 4-5 glasses each scattered about before bedtime. This is annoying. Even odder, my husband will fix himself iced coffee, water, and juice or soda all in the same time frame, and have this cluster near him while we watch a movie or something.
As this makes for lots of dishwashing, I have made some remarks, which has only resulted in my husband buying disposable cups. Now nobody ever knows whose glass is whose. Not that they would reuse them anyway. But it makes my (inevitable) job of collecting and dispatching them all a bit simpler.
Since the invasion of the plastic cups, I have largely taken to drinking out of a steel cocktail shaker. I admit it’s a bit odd, but I love how it gets all cold. Reminds me of the metal cups (usually in bright citrusy colors) that were still somewhat popular when I was a kid.
Hmm, now that I think about it, there’s a specific spoon I prefer for yogurt. I think it’s supposed to be for serving jelly or sugar, and never got put away one time when I dragged out the “good” silver.
No cup/silver/saucer issues in my house, but the wife did buy color coded clothes hangers once - one color for her clothes and another for mine. I steadfastly refused to get on board with that program due to the fact that I can tell her clothes from mine without ever looking at a hanger. It’s a talent.
On my AT Thru hike last year I had grow seriously found of my titanium mug and when in town or at trail angels homes even when offered fine wine and a glass, chose to have that served in my mug.
I do still like to use it on occasion.
Also for hot things like coffee you need to learn how to use it as the thinness of it transmits the heat very quickly, but hey the memories.
Why would you assume she is preparing and plating the food? Luckily he mentions cooking later, so we all know he isn’t sitting in his Archie Bunker chair yelling, “Woman! You’d better get the glass right this time, Dingbat!”
I don’t understand why you’re giving him a hard time about something he says has never caused an argument between them and he acknowledges in his OP has no clear “right answer”
I notice my husband’s preferences and I like to try to remember them because it makes me feel good. He does the same for me. No one’s saying it’s cause for a fit if it isn’t done, but I prefer a certain size fork for my dinner and it’s nice when that’s remembered.
Yep, that’s pretty much it. It’s no big thing, just one of *those *things.
If you want something that led to stress, I would go with the Post It notepad in my nightstand. I keep a pad and a pen there so I can write stuff down while I am reading in bed or in the middle of the night. At the beginning of our marriage, my wife would grab the pad or pen if she was on the phone in the bedroom and walk off with them. Not okay - and it led to a heated argument along the lines of “do NOT touch my stuff - or own the need to put it back; either way, but there WILL be a pad and pen there at all times.” That was not fun…but hasn’t happened again in over a decade
I have my drinking glasses (giant cheap plastic cups with lids) and my wife has her drinking glass (small, lidded).
We both know which the other prefers and use them accordingly. The only caveat is if company is over. My wife, who is amazing, beautiful, sexy, smart and an the light of my life, doesn’t like me to use my giant cup when company is around. Why? No idea, but she doesn’t like it so I go along.
And, elbows, I highly disagree with your first post. My wife likes her glass. It costs me nothing to go out of my way to use it when I make her a drink. It isn’t about anyone being childish. It isn’t about anyone being demanding. It is about doing a bunch of little things, that cost nothing, to make my wife just a bit happier.
And she does similar things for me.
The small things that couples do for each other can be the most important. A bunch of small kindnesses can make a bad day good or just put a smile on someone’s face.