Domino's Bad Andy Commercials

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

…And they also make some of the suckiest pizza in the world. (Stay with me, folks – Bad Andy comments are forthcoming, I promise!)

[rant=mild]
I’m not absolutely certain, but isn’t the whole point of a franchise to provide a uniform product identified with the franchise name no matter where the franchise is located? When I walk into McDonald’s, I don’t expect a fine dining experience, but I do expect the burgers, fries, etc., to look, feel, smell, and taste a certain way. Same thing with Kentucky Fried Chicken. I’ve had KFC on three continents, and the product was remarkably uniform (the pieces were smaller in Korea, but I expect they use smaller chickens).

Domino’s, on the other hand, can be excellent in one place and awful in another (mind you, my benchmark for franchise pizza is Pizza Hut – not the very best, but uniformly palatable wherever I’ve been). If Dominoes has any corporate standards for their product, they are either not being enforced or they need new standards. Their current standard seems to allow quite a bit of variability from one restaurant to the next. Heck, there’s a lot of variability from one menu item to the next. The local Domino’s makes a fairly decent thin-and-crispy pizza, but anything else is simply bad (awful is too dignified for these unpalatable discoids).

Bad Andy might be an effective ad campaign if I were already predisposed towards Domino’s pizza. Good product (when widely known to be good) can overcome bad marketing. Bad product (which it is in many markets) will undermine any ad campaign. Sure, you might try it once because of your new brand-awareness, but if you know you don’t want the product, a cute ad with a furry puppet who sabotages the product will not change your mind.

If Domino’s wants my business, they should do an ad where the manager walks in, discovers Andy messing with the pizzas and shouts “So that’s why I’ve been getting all those complaints!” and proceeds to wipe up the floor with Andy and firing all those slackers who’ve been hiding him from the boss. He would then turn to the camera and say[ul]“We at Dominoes would like to apologize for our recent quality problems. We’re making great strides to improve our pizzas and we’ve even decided to burn Andy in atonement.”

[Pauses to ignite the now quiescent puppet.]

“Please try us again.”[/ul]Domino’s franchises could tie into the campaign by burning Bad Andy in effigy at each outlet. They could even have a drawing to see who gets to put the match to the little stuffed annoyance.
[/rant]

~~Baloo

62

How about this idea:

King Kong is ferociously climbing to the top of the Empire State Building. While we wonder what this is all about, the camera cuts to a shot of Baywatch queen Carmen Electra dressed in a sexy, masturbation-enticing bikini, trying to escape from the perverted sexual appetite of the monster. As Kong grabs Carmen she starts screaming like crazy. :rolleyes: The only reason while we haven’t sent the infrared signal to the tube ordering to change the channel is, of course, our total captivation with Carmen’s anatomy.

Suddenly the big guy starts sniffing something. To everyone’s astonishment he puts Carmen down, totally forgetting about the screaming queen. While we wonder what the fuck is wrong with this oversized simian we hear the loud thump of a helicopter arriving at the scene carrying a giant Dominos pizza. As it cuts closer to the scene it hangs the exquisite, mouth-watering pizza just above the Hairy Ape’s reach.

So close yet so far away, would think a reasonable individual. Not Kong. He really loves his Dominos and would do anything to warrant himself the delicious taste of that hot, dandy pizza. He looks down as to asses the magnitude of the danger. We immediately get a shot of the 100 or so stories of thin air separating him from the cold embrace of concrete, creating an emphatic bond between us consumers and the Big Dominos Pizza Loving Dude. The gravity of the situation clearly manifests itself. Kong’s dilemma is painfully obvious to us. On one hand is the prospect of a bone-cracking, blood-splattering death. At the other end is that fresh, almost sexual, Dominos pizza boasting its deliciousness in front of his very eyes.

At this point, we imagine that there is no way Kong is gonna go for the pizza, the risk is too big. I mean, we know Dominos pizza rocks big time but it ain’t worth dying for, right? As that thought is crossing our mind we stare in amazement as Kong leaps off the building extending his hand to its full reach and, as he is about to grab the epitome of his desires, the camera does one of does Matrix freeze-frame 360 degrees turn-around shots. At this point we are totally blown away and dying to know what happens next. Will the King of Apes reach the pizza? If so, how will he prevent the apparently inevitable fall? Will he at least be able to eat the pizza while on route to crashing down on the pavement? Will a superhero version of Bad Andy come to his (and the pizza’s) rescue?

While this existential questions flash through are minds, we see Kong reaching the pinnacle of his ascent and instantaneously beginning his free fall to oblivion, the gentle pull of gravity summoning him downwards. Even as he inevitably falls to his destiny he looks over at that yummy, fresh-out -of -the-oven pizza and, remembering Michael Jordan’s last second dunk from half court in Space Jam, makes a last futile attempt to grab that most delicious form of culinary perfection known to man. Even as death stares him inescapably in the face, his focus is directed towards that obscenely exquisite pizza instead of his own mortality.

At this point, while we are drooling over the pizza and desperately reaching out to grab the phone and order one to placate our uncontainable desires, the narrator utters to the captivated audience what will be the catchy phrase for the summer:

Stupid Kong. Good Pizza

A last shot of the very yummy Carmen Electra consuming a slice of delicious, absolutely yummy Dominos pizza in orgasmic delight closes the deal while creating the inevitable sexual identification with the product.

Off to buy my Dominos now… :rolleyes:

63

The only reason WHY we haven’t…
I really have to learn how to type. :rolleyes:

As if the stupid content displayed in ample extent by my posts was not reason enough for people getting the wrong idea about me, I have to come with stupid typographical blunders to reaffirm their suspicions about the pitiful nature of my intellectual “powers.” Oh well…