Work on your reading comprehension skills, privard
Hee hee. I read this and immediately thought of the monologue at the beginning of that song hidden on track 69 of the Tool CD Undertow (you have to imagine a Southern radio fire-and-brimstone preacher saying the words in all seriousness for the full effect):
And the angel of the Lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own Midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then.
And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?”
And the angel said unto me, “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them…it is the holocaust.”
from The Toolshed
Are you still learning to read? I’ll thank you to return here and retract your gross mischaracterization of what I said. It was a post about biology, not dinner table ethics.
A poster brought up the old misconception that lobsters are very nearly insects (sometimes arachnids are mentioned – but both are wrong.) I merely explained, in a joking way, that the entire arthropod phylum, which includes insects, arachnids, and crustaceans, wasn’t any more closely related than the entire chordate phylum, including mammals, reptiles, and birds. Got it?
And it is not incorrect. If you wish to insist that it is, please support that untenable position something akin to facts. Bugs are insects. phylum Arthropoda, class Insecta, order Hemiptera, to be exact. Once again, lobsters (phylum Athropoda, class Crustacea, order Molacostraca) are no more closely related to bugs than people to pythons. I don’t care what you eat or for which reasons.
Welcom to the SDMB :rolleyes: You are off to a roaring start.
Just in case that happens, here’s what I learned to do in Home Economics:
Hang the live chicken up by her feet. Take a small knife and insert it into the beak. Jab it up through the roof of the chicken’s mouth and pierce its brain. Let it hang until the blood stops dripping. I guess you can wing it from there.
I had lobster bisque tonight for the first time in four years. And now you’ve made me feel guilty!! Sob. Sniff. Grin.
Is there such a thing as a Lobster Mobster?
Sorry, not feeling well - that’s the best I could do
Guys gotta remember that despite all this feminism stuff, some things have not changed. Guys still have to kill the dinner before offering it to the woman. If you give it to her while it’s still alive and expect her to kill it, you’ve made a really bad move.
Did I miss it somewhere, or did the OP explain how a lobster arrives unbidden?
So I say to my husband “You know the whole freezer coma and then boiling water thing sounds a bit more human for the poor little lobster”
And my husband says to me “Yeah, kind like going from a nice deep sleep and being plunged into hell”
Not a lobster eater and don’t think I will ever be one. Those poor little guys sitting in those small tanks looking at passer-bys with puppy dog eyes as if to say “please take me home and love me”.
And the joy they feel when they are picked to be taken home with only a little remorse at having to leave their little friends behind. Their little hearts bursting at finally finding a home!
Oblivious to wait hell awaits them at the hands of their new “loving” family.
Wow, I really need to get some sleep. 
I sincerely hope no one signed her up for a Lobster-of-the-Month club, or this thread’s going to be bumped in the near future I suspect…
Its just too expensive to be a practical joke. Unless the person the package is addressed to is a militant vegan or deathly allergic to shell fish…but then the package would be easily traceable back to the credit card that paid for it. That and they’d have an incentive to track you down…
Q: You Did you ask it if it could sing, didn’t you?
Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it’s better
Down where it’s wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin’
Full time to floatin’
Under the sea…
if i had to kill my own food and eat it, it would probably taste better…wheres my gun? time to go vegan hunting.
Now there’s an image I’ll have a hard time wiping from my brain. As if arthropods weren’t weird enough, arthropods with big cute brown eyes… just too weird. <shudder>
Besides, as the comedian said, how did we start eating lobsters anyways? If you found a lobster behind the fridge, you wouldn’t think, “Mmmm… food.” You’d run screaming from the room and then fumigate the whole neighbourhood.
That’s a mighty good point. I enjoy a lobster tail, lobster bisque, or any number of dishes – but put the whole mass of legs and tentacles on my plate, and I’m at a bit of a loss. I hate it when you order a tail and they present you with an entire critter.
Mmmmm yummy. Vegans.
Last time I went vegan hunting, a good time was had by all.
I still remember every minute like it was yesterday: setting up the blind behind a stack of Ani DiFranco and Melissa Ferrick CD’s, masking our scents with patchouli in order to avoid making our quarry skittish, and waiting. Interminably.
We thought we had baited the killzone well, but no luck at first.
“Maybe we should have put out more hemp-based shirts,” my buddy Joe said.
“Nah,” replied Ted. “The Amnesty International brochures will make up for it.”
“We’re definitely in the right spot,” I observed. “There are fresh Birkenstock tracks all over the place.”
Then, at about noon, our luck changed. Thin, doe-eyed, and full of righteous optimism, our target wandered in, drawn by the promise of organic, non-refined-sugar laden chocolate chip cookies. She stopped, sniffed cautiously. We held our collective breath. The patchouli mask worked. Our vegan approached the bait and picked up the back-issue of the Village Voice. She began searching for “Ernie Pook’s Comeek.” Then, the magical opportunity presented itself. Our vegan turned, presenting herself broadside to me.
I nocked, drew, and fired. Clean hit through the lungs. Confused, she tried to run, scattering a few deconstructionist 'zines and an Anais Nin novel as she did, but her breath was failing quickly. In a few sprinted steps, I had closed the distance and cleanly finished the kill by slitting the throat.
We hung her up to let her drain out, and had steaks that very night, saving the rest for soupstock and jerky.
Vegans. A little stringy, sometimes gamy, but good in stew or as steak if seasoned correctly. Great with lobster.
My son always complains at seafood restaurants-he wants to get that whole lobster on his plate, darn it!
He’s five. :eek: I sometimes have nightmares about what he eats when I’m not around to tell him not to. As far as I can tell, he’ll eat anything that doesn’t successfully eat him first. In stark contrast to my older son, whose idea of a balanced diet is one that includes both frozen waffles and macaroni and cheese.
To this day one of the few things that can make me scream like a little girl is someone coming at me with a live lobster. I can feel the scream starting in my legs and it travels up through my belly, up the gullet and before you know I’m prancing around in circles on the tips of my toes and shrieking as though the little guy from Trilogy of Terror is after me. It’s an instinctual, animal reaction and I don’t think it’ll ever change. (it also happens with live clams and fish. I won’t go into details, but the day my brother came home from fishing with a live eel was the day my family not-so-coincidentally considered sending me off to an institution.)
yeah but i would rather run into that cool little guy than a vegan with an attitude…question? who would win in a fight between the two? little idol man, or vegan with soybean/tofu cakemix
Quote]Did I miss it somewhere, or did the OP explain how a lobster arrives unbidden?
[/Quote]
An acquaintance sent the hard-shelled meal-to-be to my seester as a surprise. It was.
Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, let me be the first to say you are one sick puppy. Sick but hilarious. Cheers.