You’re absolutely right. She can wait 20 years and it won’t be easier. My dad waited until we were all grown up before he left my mom for his girlfriend. I didn’t speak to him for a year (honestly, I probably wouldn’t be today if he hadn’t almost died; and even though we’re on speaking terms our relationship has never been the same). Two of my sisters ended up in therapy. So it doesn’t get easier when the kids are older, and I think it’s stupid when people use the kids as an excuse to stay in a miserable marriage. If my dad was that unhappy I wish he had divorced my mom when I was a lot younger. Then I wouldn’t have had to look back at my wedding day knowing that my dad had a girlfriend at the time. And it’s not the fact that he wanted a divorce that upset me, it’s the fact that he was cheating on my mom. If my dad’s relationship with my now-stepmother had begun after the divorce, I’d be totally fine with it.
Thanks. I wasn’t sure what Zoloft is prescribed for, and I thought if it were for bipolar and she was off the drug she might be going through a manic phase. If you’re saying Zoloft is not for bipolars, then there’s other stuff going on.
Holy god would that make one big bucket of sense.
I think RSSchen needs to differentiate between getting out of a loveless marriage with shame or with dignity. Some marriages cannot be saved; people grow apart. Sometimes it cannot and should not continue. The desperation for a better situation is understandable, but it’s all in the way you go about it. You want your kids to know you treated their dad honorably. You will need to deal with him and the children as a family for many years to come (holidays, school recitals, sporting events, etc.) and they will need the two of you to care about and respect each other. The betrayal will show through and they’ll be able to detect the animosity even if they never find out the truth.
It appears the problems in this relationship run much deeper than simple incompatibility. You need to examine it closely and own the responsibility of walking away as an adult with your self-respect intact.
Oh, Jeez, I’m feeling sick to my stomach. 
The whole post was incredibly sad, but that just capped it.
Let’s have a look at this from a totally self-interested position on the part of RSSchen, with no condsideration for the well being of anyone else.
RSSchen, you are so mentally messed up that once the cop gets to know you, he will run. Do you think that you can fool him for the next three years? All the more reason to get a divorce now, then marry the cop, before he wises up.
Of course I don’t think you should have any relationships, but seeing as you are intent on having a relationship with the cop, be it an affair or a delayed marriage, the best shot you have is to get divorced from your husband and married to the cop ASAP before your house of cards blows down.
I started off in the other thread thinking, “Wow, no one’s considering extenuating circumstances or anything!” And then people were. And then this thread started, and people kept posting. And then they started quoting RSS’s old posts. And I realized that, yea verily, she was INDEED a numb cunt, and did INDEED deserve the derision being enthusiastically heaped on her delusional little noggin.
As to Ensign Edison - or anyone else, for that matter - not “belonging” in the thread? Honey, when you take a fire hose and spray your noxious problems on the whole crowd, you’re not allowed to choose who comments on its texture.
Thank you for saying this so well.
I wonder if the OP realizes that even the affair is not just about her-that there are so many people involved. Nothing is ever just about us–not as adults (not really even as kids, but kids can be excused for thinking so).
I just can’t figure out why she singled me out for that honor. I’m honestly kind of tempted to put it in my sig. It was kind of like when Ned Flanders went around insulting everyone then said to Homer simply ‘You’re the worst human being I’ve ever met’. And he’s like woo, I got off pretty easy! I feel like that, only plus I’m totally puzzled as to what quality she thinks I have that doesn’t belong here. I was calling her a bitch to her virtual face ages ago when she was posting about how she could never love someone who spoke in patois. (Unless I’m mixing her up with someone else and there’s some other excellent reason she’s on my mental list of bigot Dopers.) I’ve disliked her so much for so long that this thread is like a big fucking party somebody threw just for me. If anything I showed up late for the festivities.
You don’t belong in here, Ensign, because the thread has nothing to do with patios. You’re causing her worlds to collide by being in a thread about adultery.
We saved you cake. 
You know, this thread has been quite valuable for me. It’s given me perspective on my childhood from my mother’s point of view, such as it is. My greatest fear has always been that I will end up just like her, and cause the same sort of damage she did. That’s why I have always avoided all intimate relationships, friendships and otherwise. And now I realize that I’m nothing like her, and probably never have been. That’s quite a relief, to say the least.
Additionally, reading other people’s posts has made me realize that most people don’t behave this way, and find that sort of behavior as appalling as I do. So I, at least, derived some benefit from this thread.
There are some posters here who have parents (mothers mostly, I think) who have Borderline Personality Disorder (sorry, I don’t recall the names). Does this make sense to you (posters with BPD in the family)? Does RSSchen seem to be acting like your mother did? If I recall correctly, the adult children of mothers with BPD do not consider their mother to have been a good mom to them, to put it mildly.
We’ve had quite heated exchanges in the past. I’m glad U don’t remember them. Never mind then.
Great post. Lots of truth there.
I’m a SAHM because paying for daycare for a toddler not potty trained is VERY expensive. It would eat my entire salary. It would also prevent my older son from going to very good school on his interdistrict transfer. I have to drive him every day because I wanted him to get a better education that what’s offered in my city.
Thanks for the effort you expended.
As you read on, you may find I do remember them, which is why your comment seemed odd. As your sworn enemy I can’t think of anywhere more I’d like to be…except that now I kind of feel sorry for you because you’re so obviously unwell – ah, nope, just thought of the “love” comment again, there goes by ability to feel for you any fucking sympathy at all.
I do feel bad for your kids, though, and for their sakes I hope you try to get more serious help. Maybe read that chapter in Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Aslan rips the dragon skin off Eustace because his own scratching, regardless of how satisfying it is, only ever seems to get off a single layer of it. (Don’t find Jesus as a result, that would be totally missing the point here). And if you pay attention to nothing else from this thread, remember what people are saying to you about being a dry drunk. Believe me when I say you only think you’re sober now. You don’t have to be drinking to be acting like a drunk.
Wait. Who is watching the toddler while you are blowing the cop? 
No, I think she’s lying in one or both of the statements. Assuming, of course, that the ‘blow or two’ are from her to him, it also underscores my guess some pages back that for wondercop, this is a piece of heaven - a woman who cannot expect him to take her out in public, give her things, stay the night etc, just meet for the occasional sex, can’t make demands on his time. So, I’m guessing blowjobs or 40, and fantasizing the rest.
Yeah, Guin, I’m kinda thinking you’re a pretty mean & hateful person right about now. I’ve enjoyed your posts in the past, but trust me, will never wade in that pool again. I haven’t fought back vulgarly at all, I’m accepting of all this information. I did tell that poster a page back or so he didn’t know shit about alcoholism, but that’s the only vile comeback I’ve made. You see, I respect you people and am ashamed of myself, so I’m allowing the lambasting to go on as long as it’s relevent. You think I enjoy being personally & vulgarly insulted by posters that I’ve liked and respected???
Have a nice life.
No, Chen, you’re * kind of starting* to accept it now. And if we hadn’t collectively hammered away at it in the strongest possible terms even this dent wouldn’t have been made. You’re prettying yourself up, which is more classic dry drunk behavior: “Sure, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying, so be nice to me even when I’m fucking up in a horribly destructive way”. Because for a drunk, it’s “trying” if you wait ten minutes to have another slug, and you know that as well as I do. You just think it ended with the alcohol, and there’s a big steaming pile of evidence on this board that it didn’t.