(1) If you truly aren’t an attention whore, stop reading this thread, stop posting in it, and actually sort out all the pathological, narcissistic crap inside your head.
(2) If you truly aren’t an attention whore, stop spending time on the computer searching for other forums or threads where you can keep writing about all your crap.
(3) Failure to adhere to either Point (1) or Point (2) confirms in my view that you’re an attention whore - as evidenced with your increasing rate of posting in this thread in the past 48 hours.
Walk away. Turn off your internet. Stop delluding yourself that you’re posting here for some sort of cathartic process.
What woman in her right mind confesses to sucking a mean cock after getting flamed for 6 pages straight?
Stop being an ATTENTION WHORE. I challenge you… ask the Mods to lock this thread.
Zoloft is for depression, and is definitely not an appropriate medication for someone who is bipolar. While she did talk about taking a “vacation” from her meds, we have no idea whether she followed through or not.
I’m not seeing much here that points me directly toward “this woman is undiagnosed bipolar” but I am getting a sense that we might be seeing- based on the rather extreme pattern outlined in her previous posts that points to a pretty consistent history of this type of behavior- Borderline Personality Disorder.* Even Narcissistic folks can be charming sometimes; Borderlines make my teeth itch, and I’m getting a little tell-tale twinge back there.
And Boo Boo, only the OP can ask for the thread to be closed. I doubt he will do so, and I don’t think the mods will take pity on RSS at this point.
[*disclaimer: I am a therapist, not RSS’s therapist; I have no clue exactly what her official diagnosis is, but I have a great deal of sympathy for the person who has to wade through this twisted mess to ferret out the underlying issues and help RSS heal herself and her family.]
The stories change to meet the circumstances and to improve her self-image on whatever topic they concern. Even the “confessions” are excuses for why she’s really not a bad person, just a victim.
Reading this and the other thread is helpful for me, though – it’s giving me considerable insight into the mind shudder of the asshole my sister recently divorced, and all the self-centered crap he’s put her and their daughters through, during and after the marriage.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
Some folks are simply incapable of understanding that deceipt is a very bad thing, and will say just about anything to avoid dealing with their problem.
No, I’m sure it’s not, because it’s not what you said in the original thread on the topic. You went so far as to say that your husband thought it was skeevy every time you did it. Please don’t try to change the story to make yourself look better. You just reinforce the impression that you are a liar.
Isn’t that what you’re doing RIGHT NOW?!? Nothing has changed since then. You just substituted pills for booze and adultery for promiscuity. The RSSchen who is doing these things is doing them for the same reason.
Why are you boasting about it at all? It’s not as anonymous as you think-- I’m sure anyone with a will and some Google Fu could get a street address and phone number without much problem from the info that’s out there. I hope for your sake that’s not how your husband finds out about this.
So, are you going to get a job? Maybe you’re bored not because your husband is dumb, but because you are understimulated and looking for something, anything, to thrill you. Obviously this is a pattern for you. Are you getting some psychiatric help? Clearly your lifelong pattern of low self-esteem and equating love with sleazy sex hasn’t changed, nor has your self-medication. Are you going to come clean to your husband? What’s the plan? Because from what I’ve gleaned about you, I can tell you this: despite your vociferious claims to the contrary, you are NOT happy right now. You are high. Maybe not on drugs, but on something illicit and bad for you. You know the crash is coming, and the consequences will be grave. Do something positive to help the situation ASAP. Do it for your kids.
Really, I’ve seen this exact same sentiment from many, many cheaters. Who have crashed and burned. They’re always POSITVE it’s Meant To Be and that they are Soul Mates Forever. One of them, that is. The one that’s being deceived.
Surely you can’t possibly think that you’re unique in this situation or that you and Lover Boy are soooooo special that the regular script that applies to these situations doesn’t apply to you. Because guess what? All your fellow cheaters are thinking that, too.
You haven’t mentioned your diagnosis, but from much of what you’ve written, it does sound like you have some issues going on. If you’ve never disclosed fully to your therapist, this would be the time. You need counselling appropriate to your condition, whatever that may be.
But the bottom line is that, despite how much you think you deserve to be happy, the other humans in your life deserve happiness every bit as much and if you are hellbent on following this path, then in order to retain at least some semblance of decency, you need to do the right thing and dissolve your marriage. None of the ‘but I shouldn’t have married him’ excuses fly. Maybe so, but you’re married and the only honest thing to do if you are so miserable is tell the guy and end the marriage.
Are you unable to work because of a mental conditon? Because if that’s the case, all the more reason you need the help and advice of your therapist rather than than that of a bunch of strangers on a board. Whatever happens, you need to get out and fend for yourself and if you are incapable of doing that for some reason you’ll need to disclose that fully to Lover Boy and also work with your therapist to get disability support.
It’s a good think that you’re starting to rethink this. I hope you’re starting to see that you are not the only person to think about here and that you can’t take any easy way out.
I think you’ve been guilty of magical thinking - you’re miserable, and this guy will make you happy and everybody else will be happy and tra la. Life will, I promise you, kick you squarely in the gut if you follow through with this. People, as has been pointed out, will not take kindly to this. You will lose friends and alienate family. I’ve seen more than one person suffering from depression think that if she just had ‘true love’ or just got the perfect job, she’d feel happy. It doesn’t work like that. Nothing is that simple at all, and if you’re depressed, there isn’t a magical man who will fix that.
It’s easy to get drunk on a fantasy. But fantasies are just that; when you try to turn them into reality they tend to lose their shine bigtime.
Please, schedule a long appointment with your therapist and talk about all of this. And listen when you’re presented with the reality of the situation. Don’t allow yourself to think that this guy is the end to all your problems. He’ll be the beginning of a whole bunch more.
I’m beginning to suspect Compulsive/Pathological liar to one of the primary concerns we have here. Evidence is beginning to mount that either RSS is
Honestly confused over her past due to mental instability (possibly the best and most treatable)
Pathological/Compulsive Liar (possibly less damaging than option 3, because it’s also identifiable as a treatable problem, or at least a recognizable one)
Intentionally trying to mislead us, and failing miserably because we have more than a couple brain cells between us and we can call her on it. If this is the case, and this is how well she lies to her husband, then we haven’t much time before an hysterical “OMG my husband found out!!11!eleventy!!!11!” thread. This is also the worst choice because it means she’s even more willing than she admits to to lie and bend the facts to her own will (only, since we fight ignorance here, that method just won’t cut it unless you’re incredibly clever)
At the age of 17 my parents split up - had no clue it was coming, everything seemed just fine at home. Looking back, I see now that my Dad wasn’t spending as much time at home as he used to, but he had always been a hard worker, often staying late at the office…
Turns out he was gay. That didn’t bother me in the slightest - in fact, I felt bad for him that he had to pretend to be straight for so long (25 years of marriage.) Want to know what pissed me off? Want to know how I made my own father cry?
Almost seven years after the divorce, I finally really had a chance to sit down and talk with him. He wanted to know how I felt about him - and I told him. I let him know I didn’t have any problems whatsoever with him being gay - my problem was that he cheated on Mom. At least he had the decency to not try and make any excuses for fucking around and deceiving my Mom. He looked down, and started to cry, and apologized for hurting me.
At his funeral this past October, I bet some of his friends didn’t realize they hurt me by talking about how long they had known my Dad - one of his early boyfriends was talking about when and how they met, and I did the math in my head. He’d been cheating for even longer than I realized. Seventeen years after all had been said and done, I was surprised it still hurt to know how long the cheating had been going on.
RSSchen, you could almost make the argument that my Dad had a perfectly valid reason for cheating. Except, you know, that he hadn’t made any arrangements with my Mom to have a little on the side. His cheating hurt me, it hurt my sister, and it hurt my Mom. You’re not just hurting your husband. He finally became a well and truly happy man a few years after the divorce. Try and think about that, please.
Rest in peace, Dad. I love you and miss you very, very, very much.
I am speechless, in a way. I know what it is to be in a loveless and lifeless marriage. (please don’t tell me to go to counselling. We went twice and he refused to go to any more. I went for 3 more years. I still talk to my therapist over the phone every few months). We have talked our marriage to death and are prepared to split, but are working (together) on creating a more stable financial base on which to do so. We will mediate, not litigate. I have no interest in “getting back at him” or “winning”.
The thing is–I have thought about an affair. Who wouldn’t want to feel attractive and full of life again? Who wouldn’t want that heady sense of adventure to liven up the daily grind? I am tired of feeling like a ghost in my own house. I understand the temptation, BUT.
I’ve never done more than think about it. This is the best cold water thrown on anyone’s fantasy that could be thrown. Talk about reality check!
OP-you need to be honest with yourself (difficult, given your background), and more importantly, you need to be honest with your spouse.
As an aside: I am literally sick regarding those boys. I cannot believe that you think that in 3 years, they’ll be better able to “handle” things. You cannot compartmentalize children-they invade every aspect of your life. They have to by their nature. You can be separate from them (and you should be) but you cannot think that X doesn’t effect them. It does. I won’t bore you with my father’s affair and its effect on my sisters and me, as well as my brother. We are in our 40s now, and still struggle with this.
And where DOES your 3 y/o go when you’re giving toe-curling head? How is that the best sex YOU’VE ever had?
It doesn’t add up. It smacks of BS-which alcoholics are very good at. I’m sorry to say this, but you sound like a dry drunk to me, NOT a reformed alcoholic. I wish you well (for the sake of your kids). Get out of this affair, fess up to your husband, find a job or occupation that interests you. Giving head to a cop is not a romance, love or the basis of a future relationship. It’s a cheap, vulgar waste of time-one that will end up hurting your husband, your kids and even you for years. You are not a good mother. Good mothers balance their needs with those of their kids and family. Balance-not not have any, but find a balance.
RSSchen, may I offer one more point of advice. You say you want to wait three years so your children can handle it better. A good friend of mine’s father left him when he was about 9 years old. When he was in his late 20’s he still hadn’t forgotten or forgiven his father. He still resented his father for running out on him. His mother remarried and my friend was on good terms with his stepfather, but it wasn’t the same. I don’t think three years will make it any easier on the children you say you love so much.