Don't be proud of being a fucking bitch

The BBQ Pit
341

[QUOTE=Justin_Bailey]
I understand alcoholism just fine. I think for most alcoholics it’s a convenient excuse to wipe the slate clean after they’ve fucked up their lives.

“You were an alcoholic? All is forgiven my friend, just please try to stay sober.”

Bullshit. I’m sure alcoholism is a real problem for many people. But I don’t think you’re one of them.
[/QUOTE]

Taking my first drink at 14 (3/4 cup straight whiskey) and drinking thru highschool, sitting in my bedroom at 15 drinking those tiny bottles, losing jobs, going to jail, totally devasting my parents (I pulled a fucking knife on my mom you idiot), being evicted from apartments, living with a skeevy crank head, being passed out by noon, getting a dui on a fucking moped, getting a dui after going the wrong way up a freeway onramp, getting a dui after crashing the fence of a business establishment on a very busy street and then finally having to choose between going to jail for awhile or going into not one, but three places for recovery (4-day detox, 30-day women’s recovery house and six month halfway house) is a fucking excuse???

Justin, seriously, you can kiss my smooth white ass. You’re a big fucking dick and know nothing of the disease that is alcoholism. STFU about it.

342

[QUOTE=2gigch1]
In my case I am not really upset that she has made herself happier. So be it. It sure has been miserable as it stands. I wish her the best.

What bothers me is the deciet that surrounds it all - she expects me to pay alimony after our separation so she can continue to ‘live in the manner she is accoustomed’ as she is happy to repeat.

What she fails to consider is that I work 50+ hours a week and live paycheck to paycheck to provide as it stands. I will lose my house, my savings and a huge chunk of my future to meet my obligations. I will lose my children. I am screwed.

And I will be financially handicapped from setting myself back up again for a long time.

Change of heart? Affairs? Moving on? Fine, that’s life. I understand that I rolled the dice and wound up losing.

However if the cheating spouse in any affair cannot stand up and take the appropriate consequences for their actions, and chooses to further destroy their family for their own benefit, then there is no curse strong enough that I can utter that will display my contempt.
[/QUOTE]
2gigch1, I’m really sorry to read that.

This is exactly the sort of thing that’s been running through my head as I read through this post - that the truly reprehensible, utterly unforgiveable part of all this is the fact that she’s knowingly *using *her husband to finance her during her affair.

This is a *strategy *for her.

It’s one of the most loathsome things I’ve ever seen admitted to by a poster on this board.

343

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
Taking my first drink at 14 (3/4 cup straight whiskey) and drinking thru highschool, sitting in my bedroom at 15 drinking those tiny bottles, losing jobs, going to jail, totally devasting my parents (I pulled a fucking knife on my mom you idiot), being evicted from apartments, living with a skeevy crank head, being passed out by noon, getting a dui on a fucking moped, getting a dui after going the wrong way up a freeway onramp, getting a dui after crashing the fence of a business establishment on a very busy street and then finally having to choose between going to jail for awhile or going into not one, but three places for recovery (4-day detox, 30-day women’s recovery house and six month halfway house) is a fucking excuse???

Justin, seriously, you can kiss my smooth white ass. You’re a big fucking dick and know nothing of the disease that is alcoholism. STFU about it.
[/QUOTE]

I know PLENTY about alcoholism. And blaming booze for all of your problems only shows you haven’t overcome it-you’re just substituting one vice for another.

344

I think that WhyNot is spot on. I know what’s wrong and immoral. This has only been a few weeks and involved some kisses and a blow or two. That’s all. Okay, I shouldn’t have contacted my friend at all, but a stupid old song came on the radio that reminded me of him and I called. We saw each other. We talked. We confirmed everything that I’ve written. I DO love him and know, without a doubt, that he loves me too. That’s the hurtful stuff for me. We should have been able to share our lives together and it hurts me deeply that we couldn’t. I’m crying here OK. Do you all think that this has no pain in it for me? It’s excrutiating (sp?).

I’m still on my meds, I’m afraid to stop, but I DO think the manic comment was relevant as well. That’s something that needs to be addressed further, professionally.

345

Everyone has already said a lot of what I would say, so I won’t repeat it .

The only thing not mentioned so far, I think, is what it’s like to live always wishing to be somewhere else. You spend the next 3 years waiting to divorce and be with this other man and you won’t be mentally in your own life.

You won’t be paying full attention to your children. Maybe you’ll take care of their physical needs just fine and keep them out of trouble but your mind will be elsewhere. You will lose three years of your life and three years of precious memories of your children.

You shouldn’t try to hide from your life as it is now, it’s all you have. Be in it totally and either make it better or change it, but be there 100%.

You’ll never regret doing the right thing so there’s nothing to lose by taking that path. Everything to lose by taking the wrong path.

346

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
I made an effort with the football to learn about the game and rules and players for him.
[/quote]

This statement made me almost snort Diet Coke out my nose.
I mean, Jesus, folks…she may be fucking someone behind her husband’s back, playing Russian Roulette with her children’s future, …she may be a lifelong, dedicated liar and cheat, and a notorious, diseased slut who logged 100+ conquests by age 18, but HEY! she watched a football with the man. She payed attention and everything.

Oh, wait…

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
I didn’t sleep with 100+ guys by 18, but by 22.
[/quote]

Oh, well this makes all the difference. :dubious:

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
Taking my first drink at 14 (3/4 cup straight whiskey) and drinking thru highschool, sitting in my bedroom at 15 drinking those tiny bottles, losing jobs, going to jail, totally devasting my parents (I pulled a fucking knife on my mom you idiot), being evicted from apartments, living with a skeevy crank head, being passed out by noon, getting a dui on a fucking moped, getting a dui after going the wrong way up a freeway onramp, getting a dui after crashing the fence of a business establishment on a very busy street and then finally having to choose between going to jail for awhile or going into not one, but three places for recovery (4-day detox, 30-day women’s recovery house and six month halfway house) is a fucking excuse???
[/quote]

No. It’s disgusting. Disgusting because you somehow think you’ve overcome all that, but you haven’t. You’re still doing despicable things. You’ve never stopped being despicable. You’ve only changed the methods by which you are.

The part of this that makes me weep is the fact that, somewhere out there, are two young children, and the statements quoted in this post were made by the person who is supposed to be their mother. That’s frightening, and I’m horrified on behalf of those children.

347

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
I think that WhyNot is spot on. I know what’s wrong and immoral. This has only been a few weeks and involved some kisses and a blow or two. That’s all. Okay, I shouldn’t have contacted my friend at all, but a stupid old song came on the radio that reminded me of him and I called. We saw each other. We talked. We confirmed everything that I’ve written. I DO love him and know, without a doubt, that he loves me too. That’s the hurtful stuff for me. We should have been able to share our lives together and it hurts me deeply that we couldn’t. I’m crying here OK. Do you all think that this has no pain in it for me? It’s excrutiating (sp?).

I’m still on my meds, I’m afraid to stop, but I DO think the manic comment was relevant as well. That’s something that needs to be addressed further, professionally.
[/QUOTE]

You can build a life together, if that’s what you want. You can create it on a strong foundation or a weak one. You have that power - the power to create your world, and that power extends to creating a new you. You’re a smart strong woman. You also make a whole lot of mistakes. Guess what? So do I. So does Rubystreak, and so does everyone else on this board. We might not make the same mistakes you make, but trust me, we have our own!

Get help. Really. Talk to your therapist. Stop pretending you’re strong for her. Stop telling her about the good stuff and how haaaaaapy you are. She, frankly, doesn’t care about the good things in your life - that’s not what you’re paying her for. She’s there to hear about the monster inside you. You’re not fooling her. She knows it’s there. You’re not fooling anyone. We all know it’s there. We all have it. Christians call it Satan and Jews call it the Yetzer Hora and Freudians call it the Id and I’m sure Hindus and Buddhists and Muslims and the 12 steppers have names for it, too, I just don’t know them off the top of my head.

If you want a link to the program that changed my life (not AA, not religious) and helped me to create the person I am today, then email me. I’ll not post it here. Or if you need anything else, email me. I’ll not enable your behavior and tell you you’re doing wonderfully and you’re a good girl. You’re not. But you **can **be.

348

This thread makes baby Jesus cry.

349

[QUOTE=FaerieBeth]
This statement made me almost snort Diet Coke out my nose.
I mean, Jesus, folks…she may be fucking someone behind her husband’s back, playing Russian Roulette with her children’s future, …she may be a lifelong, dedicated liar and cheat, and a notorious, diseased slut who logged 100+ conquests by age 18, but HEY! she watched a football with the man. She payed attention and everything.
No. It’s disgusting. Disgusting because you somehow think you’ve overcome all that, but you haven’t. You’re still doing despicable things. You’ve never stopped being despicable. You’ve only changed the methods by which you are.
The part of this that makes me weep is the fact that, somewhere out there, are two young children, and the statements quoted in this post were made by the person who is supposed to be their mother. That’s frightening, and I’m horrified on behalf of those children.
[/QUOTE]

Yanno, Faerie, I never would have guessed before that you were such a judgmental and simply MEAN person. Those insults have no place here. I never got any diseases. Sure, I fucked a lot of guys - 20 years ago.

I have overcome my alcoholism - this situation is the first destructive position I’ve put myself in in 17 years. And listen, I’m paying attention here. Do you even see the acquiescence that’s emerging? I’m now doubting everything. This thread has been VERY useful, and like I said, cathartic.

350

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
He has no interest in those type of cerebral things. I resent that.
[/QUOTE]
Because he faked stimulating conversation to trick you into marrying him?

Really, it’s not fair to resent someone for being the same person they were when you chose to marry them.

351

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
All this back-and-forth is very informative and is definitely making me think. Isn’t that the whole point of it?
[/QUOTE]

If the sum total of consistent and insightfulfeedback over two days, 10+ pages and 10+ posts is “making you think”, you might be a bit more shallow than your self-appreciating ego is aware.

Over and over again, the “community” has called for immediate and clear action, but that action inconveniently disrupts the “dress up Barbie dream date” you have established in your mind.

Unfortunately, and despite your not-so-honorable intentions, your husband has become emotional toilet paper to wipe your sorry ass of a life with.

352

Is anyone else puzzled by the downgrade from the best sex she’s ever had to some kisses and a blow or two? :confused:

Because if that’s the best sex she’s ever had, after 100+ men and twelve years of marriage, I found at least one area I can honestly have pity for her.

353

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
Yanno, Faerie, I never would have guessed before that you were such a judgmental and simply MEAN person.
[/quote]

I am judgmental and mean about this. With your original post in IMHO, I mostly felt sorry for you, that you’d gotten yourself into such a mess, but your subsequent posts have dug a gigantic hole. You’ve not mitigated anything with your excuses and reasoning, so yeah, the judgmental and mean thing kinda came out. Mostly because it bugs the hell out of me for someone to claim they are so smart, but act so stupid.

I’m sorry if it bothers you, but you’ve already admitted to everything I said. Lies, cheating, slut, disease (Alcoholism is a disease, dear). I’m sure it does hurt when someone totals it up and throws it back at you. You are the sum of your parts, in this case. You’re not making it better. WhyNot is correct in that you could. You can. But right now, you’re not. You keep making excuses and trying to show us all the reasons that this is not your fault. It is your fault. You’re hurting yourself, your children, and the man supporting you. The only person that could fix it, though, is you.

354

FWIW, even if the discussions here have no value for RSSchen or for the posters themselves, I find them valuable and for that alone I thank all involved.

355

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
Taking my first drink at 14 (3/4 cup straight whiskey)
[/quote]
You seriously don’t get it, do you? Telling stories and stories and stories and changing them constantly to get the best edge.

Honey, 3/4 of a cup of straight whiskey is about a quarter of a Fifth. I’m a hard-drinking 200 lb man and I would be more than buzzed on that. A 14 year girl drinking for the first time would be in the ER.

And what else is made up?

So which is it?

Sorry sister. What’s the saying?

356

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
… Those insults have no place here. I never got any diseases. Sure, I fucked a lot of guys - 20 years ago.

[/QUOTE]

If you had sex with that many people, it would be a fucking miracle if you didn’t contract HPV. You may not know it yet - and it may take years to show up. And it may never show up or turn into cervical cancer.

My numbers are MUCH smaller - and HPV scares the SHIT out of me now at 40. Particularly now that I have kids and I’m watching my sister - with her young kids - fight breast cancer. I do not want to have my kids watch me die because I was young and stupid and had sex with a few people that - in retrospect - may not have been wise choices.

357

At 14 I did end up at emergency. I drunkenly told my parents I had taken some pills that I hadn’t, they rushed me to the hospital and I had my stomach pumped. It was miserable.

358

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
Yanno, Faerie, I never would have guessed before that you were such a judgmental and simply MEAN person. Those insults have no place here. I never got any diseases. Sure, I fucked a lot of guys - 20 years ago.

I have overcome my alcoholism - this situation is the first destructive position I’ve put myself in in 17 years. And listen, I’m paying attention here. Do you even see the acquiescence that’s emerging? I’m now doubting everything. This thread has been VERY useful, and like I said, cathartic.
[/QUOTE]

Ah, so in the end, you paid attention when it started to feel good.

359

Go away Ensign, you know good and well you don’t belong here.

360

[QUOTE=RSSchen]
We should have been able to share our lives together and it hurts me deeply that we couldn’t. I’m crying here OK. Do you all think that this has no pain in it for me?
[/QUOTE]

Honey, your pain is the pain of a 14 year old whose crush took someone else to the dance. And you continue to think nothing of the pain you’re inflicting, or are soon to inflict, on others.

Oh, and sorry: you don’t get to tell people to go away.