fwiw, I agree. But I would thank the posters who had the courage to post their own experiences with infidelity–with their own, their spouses’, or their parents’. It paints in pretty stark terms how devestating such a betrayal of trust can be, and perhaps would keep one on the straight and narrow far more effectively than (say) repeated viewings of Fatal Attraction.
You must suck a mean cock.
I guess so, I can see where S/He’s coming from on that.
It’s probably more unlikely that she’ll be harmed by it, given that all but the harshest critics are encouraging her, sometimes obliquely, to change for the better. Even so, as has been repeated here, if somebody wants to air the dirty laundry here, we have every right to comment on it, whether or not it will ultimately make a difference.
No wonder it’s funner to run away to the next boy toy, rather than try to rebuilt squandered trust. And, if you think that it wasn’t easy to be with your husband before, wait until (not if, when) he finds out about your latest games.
Yup. Always someone else’s fault, isn’t it?
I’ve got a younger brother, who is similar in many ways. He’s been diagnosed with a mental illness, and has a lot of the same self-destructive thinking as she does.
Unfortunately, you can’t argue with him or teach him anything and he’s hell bend on hurting himself. As I told my mother, all you can do is keep them out of your life until they stop shitting on you.
Dude, from the infamous telemarketer rant, and to this day, I have long admired your mastery of the art of scathing commentary.
It’s probably truer than you think. It’s often the crazy ones who are the craziest in bed.
Yeah, but can she suck start a Harley.
Or a golf ball through a garden hose.
And TokyoPlayer, I quite agree. Been there man.
Oh, come on people.
Nobody here cheated in highschool? That’s a pretty damn lame thing to pull out. How old was that thread? You’re honestly saying that cheating on a paper at 16 has anything to do with my character now? Puh-leaz.
The WalMart thing is also ridiculous. Returning something defective that’s within a warranty period is done by millions. Perhaps the nonchalance about it was a bit offputting, but really, hasn’t anybody made an electronics purchase that didn’t perform after a month and wanted what was rightly theirs - a working item that has been paid for?
As far as the slut business in highschool, I embellished. I maybe slept with two boys that had girlfriends. I was slutty, regret it horribly now, but pulled a complete 180 when I got sober. And, not to defend being a slut (why should I? men can be horrid sluts and only get better reps due to it) but it WAS attributed to my alcoholism. I would have NEVER done the things I did had I not been a VERY SICK alcoholic. When I got sober in 1990, I had a total of four (!) boyfriends in a 2 1/2 year period. Sluttty? No. I was 23. I think that less than two lovers a year is quite reasonable. I so regret all the men I slept with, and think that perhaps that part of my past could be a contributing factor to why I don’t enjoy sex now with my husband.
And on a final note. I certainly don’t mean to insult my husband. He’s a great guy. A good father and wonderful provider. He’s not as intelligent as I might like, you know, stimulating conversation and an ability to debate topics are really good for creating continuing interest. He has no interest in those type of cerebral things. I resent that. He has no motivation to better himself when it comes to intellectual things, doesn’t even read the front page of the newspaper because it’s too boring. Sports page all the way. That can be frustrating. At night, he’s typically in another room watching sports while I watch other stuff in the living room. He forgets to tell me important things about family, work, his own fucking health and other things. I just found out yesterday that he has a medical problem that he’s let go for several months. Nothing serious, thank God, but definitely deserving of medical attention. I honestly love him and want him happy and healthy, and I certainly don’t want to intentionally hurt him. I just wish we had more in common and that he would be more interested in things I’m interested in. I try to get into sports, really, but football is about the only one I can tolerate. So during football season we spend time together watching the games, but I’ll be damned if I have to sit thru a thousand freakin’ basketball games that I don’t understand and don’t care to. I made an effort with the football to learn about the game and rules and players for him.
Truth is there are people who are quick-minded and people who aren’t. We’re just a bit mismatched in that area and I honestly hadn’t a clue when we married. I so wanted to be respectable and have a family that I attached myself to the first man who treated me honorably and actually had a good job, background and family. He’s a wonderful, honorable man and a good provider for our family. I should spend some time thinking about this before I actually consummate and commit to this affair.
And, on a side note, I didn’t think the suck a mean cock was snarky. It made me laugh, because actually, yes, I do suck a mean cock and with enthusiasm - it could curl your toes!
Oh, one other thing - TokyoPlayer - thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate the honesty and personal touch in that post.
Boo hoo! I was drunk. I really hate that excuse.
And I also hate the “men are studs, women are sluts” myth. In my high school I had a friend that fashioned himself quite the man-slut and we all assumed he was a walking disease and had absolutely no respect for him what-so-ever. The only reason I think this one still pervades is because people in their 30s and 40s say it still exists. Ask anyone under 30 and you’ll probably get a very different take on the big stud on campus.
Clearly you don’t understand alcoholism. I wasn’t just drunk, I WAS A DRUNK!
I’m going to take a flyer here, and guess that what’s upsetting most people isn’t that you cheated in a class in high school. It’s that you seem to think that was fine and dandy, and 20 or so years of experience since then haven’t changed your mind.
It’s your attitude that offends. I’ve read this entire thread, as well as the other one, and you’ve shown no remorse at all. Not only for the thing that you’re doing to your husband and children right now, but for anything in your past. All we’ve heard are excuses. (I shouldn’t have done it, but X and Y converged, and I couldn’t help myself.)
It’s a bunch of crap, in my opinion. We all have excuses for bad behavior, if we’d care to use them. TokyoPlayer outlined some excuses he could still be using. Instead, he chose to take responsibility for the bad choices he made, and change his behavior.
You seem like you’re on a very self-destructive path. You said that you wanted stability and a family very badly at one time. Do you still want that? Can you see that what you’re doing is jeapordizing that? For yourself, if for nobody else, please take a long hard look at your pattern of behavior. Realize that nobody and nothing can make you do things. Please.
No, I never cheated on a paper in high school. Yes, it has to do with your character. Plagiarism is the shoplifting of academia. Shows a cavalier attitude towards dishonesty.
You weren’t advocating the return of a defective item, you were advocating buying an item, using it, then erasinng and returning it when you were finished with it and lying about it. You do seem to fall back on the, “what, hasn’t EVERYONE done this??” defense a lot. No, not everyone cheats and steals.
Then why did you say, “I slept with many a man over 18 when I was 16. More than a hundred, all told, during my active times”? Were you lying in that post or are you lying now? Because 100+ men before you hit 18 is a lot of fucking. Your prerogative, of course, to do so, but reveals a pretty unhealthy attitude towards sex and little or no respect for other people’s relationships in your choice of partner.
How did you not know this about him when you married him? He’s intelligent enough to have a job that pays well enough to support 3 dependents. That’s pretty damn good. If you are so much more intelligent than he is, then please do get a job and support yourself and your kids, and cut the moron loose.
Then stop cheating on him and bragging your lack of regrets about it on the internet.
Then you’re not as bright as you think you are.
Most definitely. Be up front with him and either save your marriage or end it. But don’t sneak around on him for 3 years. No matter how dumb and boring he is, he doesn’t deserve that.
Aaaand the final puzzle piece falls into place.
Not My toes. But then that could be because I don’t cheat on my marriage, my spouse, my kids. I’d be careful what I wished for if I were RSSchen, because a ‘mean cock’ could be all she ends up with in the end.
PS- Its kinda neat that cop is building a dream house and that RSSchen seems deluded into thinking he’s building it just for her. I make a standing one-dollar gentleman’s bet that she never achieves residency at that abode.
I understand alcoholism just fine. I think for most alcoholics it’s a convenient excuse to wipe the slate clean after they’ve fucked up their lives.
“You were an alcoholic? All is forgiven my friend, just please try to stay sober.”
Bullshit. I’m sure alcoholism is a real problem for many people. But I don’t think you’re one of them.
Refresh my memory…RSSchen is (or was) on Zoloft? Is that for bipolar disorder? And now RSSchen is off the Zoloft?
Is it possible she’s going through a manic phase?
I think the returning items comments were off-the-cuff. I would not, nor have I ever, purchased something, used and abused it, and returned it. Wait, that’s not true. I bought a hundred dollar MS wireless keyboard and mouse and used it for a month. The mouse was bad from the start and as it got less and less responsive I did pack it up and take it back for an exchange. Is that action indefensible? I didn’t think so. Maybe I was wrong. I was simply offering advice on how one MIGHT handle the situation.
I had a totally fucked up view of sex as a young woman. I had poor self esteem and somehow thought (gee nobody ever thought this) that by sleeping with men that I might find love. Foolish, yes, but not exactly unheard of. I didn’t sleep with 100+ guys by 18, but by 22. During my most damaging years of alcoholism. I said that I regret that, and mightily.
My attitude isn’t a cavalier as you might think. I’m not boasting about this situation to anyone in real life. I’m posting on a fairly anonymous message board cathartically. WTF is wrong with that? All this back-and-forth is very informative and is definitely making me think. Isn’t that the whole point of it?
Nope, no I didn’t.
No, not in this case-it establishes a long pattern of you being a dishonest cuntrag.
But you don’t seem to regret cheating on your husband with Loverboy the Wonder Cop.
Yet, he’s not the one having the affair.
But it’s okay to hide your affair from him, right?
Yeah, and I’m Marie of fucking Roumania. Sure you do, sweetie. You just keep telling yourself that.
Clearly, you didn’t learn anything from getting sober. You don’t blame booze for all your problems. I’ve had plenty of alcoholics on BOTH sides of my family. And one thing I believe they tell you is that you also have to take responsibility for your actions, and not blame everyone, or everything else.
I wouldn’t be certain about that. Sometimes it’s the little offhand or even sarcastic comments we make* that “click” and change someone’s life forever.
I haven’t seen anything that I’ve noticed clicking YET, mind you. But sometimes it’s pretty invisible. Something might be taking root and slowly growing over the next few days or weeks.
I think the most telling of all that we’ve dug up and read was staring us in the face all along: The title of the closed thread. “Help.” The tone of her OP didn’t match that first instinct, did it? Her first instinct was to ask for “help”. Somewhere, deep down, she’s a good person who knows she’s been naughty. She’s just not sure how to stop without hurting even more than she does now.
*I was going to share an anecdote about this phenom, but I’ll link to a new thread I started, instead.