mmmmmm good blowjob mmmmmm 
I am not the classiest person there is, Lord knows, but this line turned my eyes into dinner plates.
Is that your intrinsic value? Seriously? You’re like the whore who comes on to a cop busting her for something. Flirting is what it rings of (ickily enough), not listening to what people here are saying is what it smacks of, and I think you’ve manipulated everyone around you, including us. The lying, justification and apparent glee at a possible disorder to hang it all on away from yourself - it comes to you like breathing.
I haven’t pitied anyone before like I pity your husband and kids now; they’re stuck with you whether they like it or not.
Yes, yes it is.
Which is why, even though I think medical marijuana has some legitimate uses (to reduce the nausea of chemotherapy, to stimulate appetite and act as an additional pain reliever for malignant pain syndromes generally due to progressive cancer, to battle fatal wasting syndromes which can be associated with AIDS), I tend to oppose initiatives to put the prescribing of pot in the hands of anyone with a medical license.
That’s because many of my colleagues are idiots, and will prescribe it for chronic, poorly defined pain syndromes like: musculoskeletal low back pain, chronic headaches, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, elevated intra-ocular pressure, and lack of appropriate mellowness. :rolleyes:
Wow. I always thought those people on Jerry Springer were actors.
Well, not really. I have Kaiser and there’s very difficult hoops to jump through just to get to talk to someone. My psychiatrist is primarily my med doctor. I’m on Zoloft and Buspar. They give you the “suicide watch” questionnaire and that’s about it. I haven’t discussed any of this with the psych because she really doesn’t have more than 20 minutes at a time. I need to engage a real therapist, but really don’t have the cash to do it out of the HMO.
I’ve always just figured that I was depressed. Unhappy and depressed. That’s what I sought help for. Didn’t even imagine it could be something more serious. I’m currently dually diagnosed as Post Acute Addiction/Depression. I didn’t know there WAS anything else really.
Yes. And did you not read the part where I said I’d been CLEAN since NOVEMBER??
That’s not the half of it. This isn’t a private board or a MBA board where only certain people read posts. Anyone with internet access can read here.
Right. Which was the bigger picture I was attempting to illustrate.
She has no idea who is reading this. Might be her dental hygienist, might be her kids’ day care person, might even be a neighbor. She just. Doesn’t. Know. But they will, the next time they see her.
I don’t know if it’s the same in CA as it is in Hawai’i, (or what your coverage is) but I have Kaiser and, while it’s true that they will give you a psychiatrist pretty much solely for handling meds, it is not hard to get a referral, from your psych or your primary care physician, for a therapist. You will probably have to go to one group “introduction” and a diagnostic interview, but those are not particularly onerous hoops. Please, ask for a referral to a Kaiser therapist (who will work with your psychiatrist - this should be covered) before your life explodes in your face and the flying shrapnel harms innocent parties within range.
Wait till one of the million-hits-a-day blogs posts a link to this thread… Shit, meet fan; fan, shit…
Nine pages with no sign of no slowing down! Still, can we pause and recount some of the highlights of this drama? My favorites:
RSSchen’s repeated self-characterization as the intellectual in the marriage- have you checked your husband’s pulse lately?
“Sobriety” entailing plenty of pot and vikes.
The gleeful acceptance acceptance of potentially being bipolar- another reason why it’s not my fault!
There are two or three medical pot dispensaries within a few miles of my house. From what I have been told (really! I have never been inside one of them) you can go to the front window and they will give you a list of local doctors who will give you a 'scrip for just about anything. For about $200 and complaints of headaches, you’re good to go.
I always figured that these docs were political activists until I heard what they charge. I think it might be more financial gain (in cash no less) than idiocy.
How are you managing that horrendous pain, then? Are you fellating it all away now? 'Cause that’s great for the lower back. :dubious:
People with lifelong addictions to multiple substances don’t just stop, nor do people with serious personality disorders like BPD suddenly right themselves. You need to get help. Get your ass off the internet and into a doctor’s office. A good one, not some scrip-slinging quack like the one who gave you the Xanax, or the one who gave you the pot, or the one who gave you the Vicodin. BULLSHIT on your claim that your psychiatrist won’t give you more than 20 minutes or just hasn’t noticed that you have other psychological problems. You haven’t told her, I guarantee it, because if strangers on the internet can diagnose you, your doc sure could if you were honest with her. Make a longer appointment and tell her the truth about all your past drug use and abuse (including all the prescription drug foolery, the DUI’s, the crank, etc), the sexual profligacy, the affair. Only if she knows comprehensively what’s really going on with you can she help you.
Unless, that is, being fucked up is more fun for you. It’s certainly become a habit, and I think you’re feeding it, and on all the negative attention you’re getting here. You thrive on the crisis. Makes you feel alive. I just wish you had some compassion for your husband and kids.
I suspect she’s channelled her addiction into this affair currently - its providing the high.
I guess, given the fact that you’re an admitted liar and cheater, your history of deceitfulness for personal gain, and how much you’ve contradicted yourself in this and the other thread in order to make yourself look better, you’ll understand why we don’t just believe you, right?
Rubystreak, I agree with you that we’re not doing much good here. The OP is obviously far too mired in her own bullshit to listen to any of us. My main point was that while the OP is a total wash, there are many more here with a better grasp on their moral compass than she has, and that gives me hope for the species. At the very least, it’s finding a little bit of sunshine in a sad, pathetic situation.
You’d better be praying to whatever diety you believe in that your husbands attorney doesn’t find out about the SDMB when you get around to divorcing him. This thread alone would completely damn you in front of a judge.
Just as a point of interest, the 2 allowable grounds for divorce in california are Irreconcilable difference and incurable insanity. I had always wondered why celebs are listed in the news as divorcing for the first one. (though some really should have fallen under #2!)
She’s a doper fighting her husband’s ignorance.
You realize November wasn’t that long ago, right? I’m not discredited the changes you say you’ve made, it’s a wonderful first step. But November was not even half a year ago.
I have more disorder shit pinning my life together than a porcupine has quills and I can guarantee that when you’ve ‘given one set of self-medicators up,’ you’ve definitely found another to take their place. So, in my case for example, when I suicidal and couldn’t cope, I’d abuse alcohol. When that didn’t seem to work any longer, I’d had the Love of My Life Who Would Save Me! as a stand-in. Once he was gone, it was on to something else, equally destructive. Wash, rinse and repeat.
Therefore, all I’m saying is I think I have an inkling of where you’re coming from. As I am BPD, I’d be more than happy to talk. I can’t condone what you’re doing, but because I’ve been a piece of shit in that circumstance too, perhaps I can share some tiny kernel of insight that might help your children and your husband suffer an iota less. You can PM me if you’d like, but if not, listen to everyone else. They know of what they speak, whether it’s said harshly or not.