If it wasn’t for the kids stuck in this situation, I’d laugh.
Actually, I think I will laugh, I’ll just feel bad about it later.
I know someone who exhibits this exact pattern of behavior, and it’s sort of interesting to see where it all leads - the heights of self-delusion to which it can climb.
It’s just you.
Not me…I envision an actual vinyl turnip. Mainly because I see them in the play food sets that the kids use.
Now for really random: I have some handsoap in the bathroom, Tone Mango Splash. When I glance at the packaging, the 'MangoSplash" part is in script at the bottom, and I always double take because I think it says "Mayo Speaks! ". And then I wonder why I’m in my bathroom wondering about MayoSpeaks. It’s totally bizarre.
I hope it’s just you. Otherwise, OMG! :eek:
I don’t know if RSSchen has gotten anything she’ll use from this thread, but I have.
It’s made me think about the times I’ve been dissatisfied with my husband. He’s not very handy around the house, hasn’t read a book since high school, and doesn’t always flush after he pees. It’s easy to focus on his “faults” and forget that he’s good natured, funny, and generous, and will do anything for friends and family.
I see a bit of myself in RSSchen and I’m ashamed of myself for sometimes thinking I could have done better.
Not anymore.
Hey, he’s using one of the most effective and eco-recommended strategies for saving water! Congratulations AuntiePam, you snagged a guy who is good natured, funny, generous, and also an environmental hero! 
Sure beats peeing in the sink.
Now I’m off to dope my pop, trim some bangs, and pill the neighbor. Later.
Well, it was just you. :smack:
Walk across the street, then go four doors up. If there is a cop there, then you will know that you could have done better. If not, then you did just fine.
(bolding mine…) This is a good point, and your personal observation is one which most of us are capable of making, but a small few of us aren’t. I remember a girlfriend I had once who was quite narcissistic in her nature - certainly, at the least, she was extremely self absorbed. She told me she was unhappy about our relationship because, as she confided with her girlfriends at the time, for 99% of women out there, I was a perfect catch, but unfortunatley, her standards were so high that she felt she deserved better. No shit… she actually said that to me. Needless to say, I invited to her to move on forthwith - right there, at that moment in the conversation.
To be fair, I had to thank her for at least being honest, but what I remember most about her behaviour at the time was that, once she decided that I wasn’t “good enough” for her, all of a sudden I started seeing open displays of contempt etc. I ended that relationship right away at that point, but my point is a valid one. The moment we think we’re better than someone, or, the moment we think that someone isn’t good enough for us, almost certainly, we start showing contempt (in some form or another) to that someone - and often, it’s totally unkind and uncalled for.
RSSchen. This is no longer for you. You’re too fucked up to get anything from this and too much in denial to realize what you need to do. This is for the others.
It’s more frustrating to attempt to talk to someone in denial than almost(?) anything else.
I’m a sales manager, so I sell and manager other sales staff. My wife is a university instructor so she teaches. That what we do. Addicts lie. That’s what they do. They have to because they still want share space in this world with everyone else while they live in their own world.
Addicts lie to their bosses. They say they are going to grandparents’ funerals instead of admitting that they are too hung over to get up. They lie to parents and say they don’t take drugs. They lie to friends to get borrow money to bail them out and they lie to people on message boards to get sympathy.
But mostly, they lie to themselves. They lie and tell themselves that they can handle it. They lie and pretend that that their lives aren’t shit. What’s often saddest is that they lie to themselves and tell themselves that they aren’t fucking up their kids’ lives.
I feel sorry for the kids. They don’t deserve a junky for a mother, even if the mother’s drug today is sex and not pills.
I’ve put in my time in group sessions with people who grew up with alcoholic and other fucked up parents, and these things don’t go away easily or on their own. There are books and books devoted to the reasons that kids of addicts / crazy people get fucked up, but from my personal experience, of all the devastation, of not receiving real love and acceptance, is that the parent lives in his or her own world, and the child is kept off balance for years.
Kids want to figure out the world, and form their own rules. They try to please their parents and get attention and love, all while growing up and having to learn to control their emotions. It’s tough enough with parents who are capable of seeing children as humans, and damn near impossible with addicts who are incapable of such.
When a child comes home from school all happy that she got a good score on the test, and wants to share his joy with her mother, but the mother is in a terrible mood because she couldn’t score her hit, or she’s hung over or she got into a fight with a cop lover boy, then the mother can’t share the joy. If she tries really hard she may force a smile and lie to her fucking little pathetic self that she’s being a good mother and isn’t involving her kids, but she’s not there. And the kid knows this, 'cuz kids are smarter. He gets the message that he isn’t good enough and that his success isn’t worthy of his mother’s love. So he grows up and drinks.
Or when a girl comes home crying because someone was mean to her, and the mother (or father, I’m not just picking on one sex today) got her fix, or is drunk or just came back from giving Harley-starting head to a boy toy and is on top of the world, the mother can’t empathize with the child. The addict is in her own world and the world is full of happiness so she blows off the child’s problem. And the little girl grows up in a confused, mixed up world can never, as a child figure it or her own emotions on their own. So she drinks or eats and throws up or whatever, and on and on it goes.
I feel sorry for the kids because I’ve been there and I know many people who’ve been there. Chances are high that the husband is co-dependant, and has his own set of problems. Who knows if the cop lover boy is co-dependant or is just sick enough to get his rocks off while enabling an addict to postpone reckoning for another day. I hope that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but there are enough selfish people in the world that it wouldn’t surprise me either way.
For the center of attraction; I’ve said my piece. Some people who are as fucked up as she is get help, but many more don’t. It’s unfortunate that she’ll most likely fuck up her kids’ lives, but that’s one of the hardest facts of live – that this happens constantly. Addicts or equally fucked up people never see how selfish they are, and there is no sign that this one has a clue.
And so it goes…
the solution lies within the OP. I doubt she has the maturity to see her way. Some only learn the hard way and it seems to me that she has not yet hit bottom. Too bad her kids have to hit bottom with her.
How can anyone do this to small kids? (it’s not right with older ones, either, but the little ones–they are so vulnerable on all fronts). I am literally sick about this. I can’t read any more of this.
My neck hurts from all the headshaking I’ve been doing over this trainwreck–you’d think I’d just leave it at that, but there was something nagging at me from a while back and the cognitive dissonance wouldn’t leave me alone.
See, in this recent thread, Our Heroine wishes to take a vacation from her Zoloft in order to enjoy some sex, but in this thread from a while back she castigates her husband because he wants her to go off the meds in order to enjoy some sex.
So if she wants to bust a nut and have fun it’s all good and perfectly okay to go off the meds, but if he wants the same thing he’s a dirtbag.
So not enough of these: :rolleyes:
Yup, another vote for therapy and GROWING THE FUCK UP!
As someone who has been there with Vike - Honey, not buying it.
I get it more than probably any poster here. But that alternate reality doesn’t make it real. I’ve come clean with my actions and my thought processes. I do not believe you are clean.
Email me if you really want to talk real life stuff. Otherwise you are saying exactly what I would expect me to have said years ago.
Side question: Is there anything you think you are wrong about? (other than posting on theses boards?)
In particular response to the actions of addicts from Tokyoplayer, a phrase I came up with recently:
All the love in the world can’t stop somebody from lying to themselves. Only time and maturity can stop that.
Holy flying fuck, what a loudmouth! Geez lady, you think you’re ANONYMOUS and can stay that way?? You’ve already dropped so many hints to your identity that I’m thinking you WANT someone here to tell your husband so that you don’t have to do it. Why don’t you get it over with and just give us his phone number too?
Do you REALLY think that his lawyer is not going to find this (and the other) thread? Seriously? Do you honestly believe that all you’ve written on this forum is not going to come back and haunt you big time? Your KIDS are going to be reading these posts at some point in the future. Every single freaking word you’ve written, they will read. I hope they take comfort in the fact that so many people cared about their well-being, when their “mother” obviously did not.
In the thread SmartAleq linked to:
One minute of Googling and I found out lots of stuff about Holly Armstrong, and access to lots of people who know her and can probably easily contact her. And ask her about her old boyfriends. Especially the one whose skanky wife says that he says Holly fucked him over. I don’t know her, but she might well find this thread (and all the other threads) very very interesting.
I’ve never been so fascinated by someone’s imminent downfall. It’s downright tragic (well, not for you, but for your kids and your husband).
Anyone else here think that Equipoise crossed a line? I find this very uncool. I realize that the information was there, but I don’t think people need to be taking positive steps to out other members. Maybe that needs to be deleted?
Agreed, my earlier comment about somethingawful was a joke. This kind of behavior turns the SDMB into somethingawful, and that’s… well, you know. Giraffe, I realize it isn’t a bright line, but you made the ruling earlier, can we know where these “how to investigate, but not really investigating” posts fall on the spectrum?
Enjoy,
Steven
Now the thread is likely to be closed in oh, about five minutes.