You know, when the majority of people are saying, “Whoa, dude, hold up a minute” you’d think most of us would step back and think about it twice.
I guess humans can justify anything if it feels good.
I very much think RSSchen is being selfish, childish and unrealistic about all aspects of this affair. If you make a vow to be faithful in a marriage, you either be faithful, renegotiate your marriage, or end your marriage. You don’t go looking for new stimulation behind your spouse’s back.
And I speak as a person in a committed open relationship. supervenusfreak and I have been together for four years and the relationship has been open from Day One. It’s something that was discussed and agreed on between us from the very beginning. In other words, something completely and totally different in character from what RSSchen is doing. My feelings about her affair come not from some Puritanical prudery but from my basic concept of what a relationship is.
What’s the saying-“If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll most likely cheat on you as well.”
I think the part that really bothers me from the original post is this quote:
My thoughts on this -
- Why would you keep communication with a friend, especially one you knew from way back in school, a secret from your own husband? If he’s the jealous type, she’s given us no hint of that, and even suggests that in fact he’s too passive to go out checking on that sort of thing, so I’d suspect he isn’t.
- Regarding the second comment - well no shit your husband knows nothing about him since you’ve been communicating secretly (at least you think you have, at least).
To me, this and her other comments about her husband reeks of her getting married to a “second-best” man when she couldn’t have her first choice. I sympathize with making a youthful error, but she’s just making things worse for herself.
See, I’m not caring so much if she makes things worse for herself - there’s innocent lives she’s making worse, too - the kids, the hubby, secret friends kids.
You’re correct to suggest that it’s a subjective thing, but I was 14 when my parents divorced, and I was able to deal with it.
Especially since all my friends’ parents were getting divorced.
I don’t think I’ve ever made this observation before, but considering it’s renewal time, I’m beginning to wonder about the nature of all this… :dubious:
Is it just me, or is Aeschines flinging poo at this thread like a monkey on meth? Anyway, moving on.
I think the ladies actions are despicable and childish, but understandable. I cant say I know how she feels, but I can try to empathize. Imagine you are in a passion-less marriage for over ten years, and then you make a connection with somebody that makes you feel alive again, noot just alive, but “walking on sunshine” level euphoria. Sure it’s selfish, adulterous, inconsiderate, and downright immoral, but it’s understandable. Eros makes people do extremely stupid things. I agree that her blaise, laissez faire attitude about it all is sickening and worthy of castigation, but hopefully everyone can try to help her and the situation instead of engaging in vicarious pharisetical asshattery.
I’m highly doubtful the guest of honor will come here, but I’m going to respond piece-meail to her post anyway, as is my wont.
I’m afraid to say that’s nigh unpossible on the dope, especially for a situation of this magnitude.
You “think” he loves you. I’m guessing this marriage has a major lack of communication. I’ll say this now and probably many times, marriage counseling. Do it.
Love is primarily an action, not an emotion. Love is treating somebody the way you want yourself to be treated, not a feeling of sugar, spice, and everything nice. Your actions to your husband are neither those of love, or being in love.
Not to be a jerk, but why didn’t you marry this guy instead of your current husband.
My bullshit meter is off the charts. There’s a high chance this guy just wants to get into your pants. Not that that changes the situation any.
Denial, thy name is RSSchen. If you dont feel any guilt now, you will soon. Also, how do you know this is what Og intended? What the hell do you even mean by that? You are just rationalizing things, which is perfectly normal. I’ve had some quasi-adulterous dealings myself, and it takes guts to fess up.
You want to keep this a secret, and you start a Myspace? A fucking myspace! ARE YOU INSANE?!
When the secret is revealed, and it will eventually, your kids will suffer. So will you and your husband. Your actions are inevitably going to lead somewhere undesirable. Please, see a marriage counselor. I’m not advocating telling your husband, but please get help.
Thanks for bein on the show!
Isn’t that what he does in every thread he posts in? I’m surprised he hasn’t been banned for trolling yet.
Ditto.
I was totally cool until I read this despicable toilet-whore’s post where she revealed that she doesn’t even have a job and she’s doing this on her husband’s dime. That’s when I realized that we all need to gather around and bukkake her horrible self.
You and other poly folks here have certainly changed my opinions on poly-amourous dealings. I can understand “have any kind of relationship you want, but make sure everyone is on the same page from day one.” That works for me and my sense of integrity.
I noticed that, too, Ferret Herder. I commented on it in the other thread - she’s never fully been in her marriage.
And we should ban RSSchen for adultery!
:dubious:
And now I see the original thread has been locked. I don’t actually understand why - anyone?
I had my answer back in the thread where I pitted you. Did you really need to prove it yet again?
(yet another rhetorical question)
Presumably, both the subject and her husband probably have parents too, who may have contact with the children.
Who will know what I wonder ?
Will her mother be proud of her ?
There are so many more victims here, because you also have to take into account future relationships of husband, wife, future partners, children, grandparents.
Hell, nephews, aunts, uncles etc could be hurt by this, we do not yet know anything of the familial relationships, but when it all falls apart, the accusations are going to fly.
All because someone is enjoying themselves right now, but at the expense of someone else.
‘Understandable’?
Which, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve stayed in touch with an old flame for fifteen years? And who, exactly, forced you to stay? If you’re not happy, do one of two things; get help or get out. There is nothing to ‘understand’ here. It’s not like she was locked up in prison. She could have walked long since, but clearly he’s her money ticket.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
This baffles the everloving shit out of me as well. I’ve been married for 12 years. My wife has all sorts of friends that aren’t friends of mine. That’s cool. But for her to make a statement like this about any of them utterly defies description. It’s like she intended this person to qualify for deceit at some later date. Utterly fucking despicable.
Oh, and the very existence of Aeschines is to inflame and pester. Why that idiot is allowed to continue here is a mystery to me, and that’s speaking as someone that’s never even engaged that person directly nor have I ever called out any poster’s trollery. Well, except Uekte.
you apparently can’t stop being an asshole (fixed coding)