From the hosts’ point of view, there’s more to a party than “hanging out and having fun.” They have to know how much food/drink to buy and prepare, rearrange furniture (as the OP described), and other planning and preparation. It’s easy to laugh it off with “oh, ha ha ha, now you have too much food, boo hoo,” but for myself I can tell you that the sort of food I buy to entertain isn’t the sort of food I keep around on a daily basis; it’s generally more expensive and not as health-conscious, and I end up giving extra away. I don’t like to waste money by buying far more food than it turns out I needed. By the same token, I do like to have enough for everyone. It’s a tough balancing act.
Guests can help by providing a damned RSVP when I ask for one, so I know whether I’ll be entertaining 2 people or 20. It’s not that hard to do. I’m 100% with the OP. It’s just rude to leave your friends hanging when they have extended an invitation to you.
RSVP Super Bowl party seems weird to me too, but if someone asked me to, I’d respond because apparently the host sees things differently than I do. But let’s say this is something I would want folks to RSVP for. Responding a few hours beforehand is still ridiculous. I’d plan my party size on how many people said yes, and would assume those who did not respond did not plan to attend. So then if you let me know three freaking hours ahead of time either way, what is the point of that? Saying yes means I didn’t accommodate you properly because you failed to let me know like I frickin’ asked, and if you say no, I have a hard time understanding what on Earth your point was. Three hours beforehand you’re gonna let me know? What is someone supposed to do with that information other than conclude from it that you’re an inconsiderate ass?
I think RSVPing to a Superbowl party depends on the party.
If the Superbowl party is a bunch of guys in their 20s, probably not. Dinner involves Doritos and maybe frozen pizza - maybe you’ll call out for it.
When the Super Bowl party starts getting hosted by someone who is married, and it becomes a couples thing and they are going to server dinner, put little hot dogs in the crock pot, have chicken wings - then expect to RSVP. You have to know how much food to buy.
And always RSVP in a timely fashion if asked to, which in this case, they were asked.
yeah, this. I remember reading a post by someone (on another message board) griping about something similar. Apparently he hosted his second dinner party and cooked the entire meal himself. By the time he got the kitchen squared away, everyone else had just about finished eating and hadn’t left any food for him (which happened the first time too.) Way too many of the responses in the thread seemed to think this was A-OK. What kind of a self-centered pig does one have to be in order to act like that?
I’d plan for nine. Chances are one of the non rsvpers will show up. Chances are not bad that one of the rsvpers won’t, they’ll fall sick or something will come up. It’s always bet to have a little too much food than not enough. And serve food that can be stretched if you have friends who were raised in barns.
"I’m a landlady with an apartment to rent. I run into something similar. Someone says they will be there at 2:00PM to see it, and they never call, don’t show. So after an hour I feel I can leave.
I come back and there’s a message saying they couldn’t make it, and sorry. Or sometimes never any word at all. Why couldn’t they call in a timely manner?"
The solution is to do what restaurants do when taking reservations - get a phone number! It works, that’s why restaurants do it! People will call or show up if there’s a chance you could phone them and demand “what the hell?”
I tell you this as a former land lord! Try it, you’ll see.
It depends on the type of food I’m serving. If I’m serving lobster tails and filet mignon (and yes, I’ve hosted surf & turf night, though not for 20!), I’ll call the non-responders and press them for an answer.
With chili, it’s not as crucial, but 8 people is the difference between doubling and tripling my chili recipe, which isn’t particularly easy to make or cheap. (But it’s delicious!)
My party was a bunch of guys in their 20’s and 4-5 girlfriends thereof. An RSVP would still be nice. It’d make the difference between 100 wings and 150 wings, or another 12pack or bottle of wine. Also the difference between people sitting on couches or on the floor. Turns out there were a lot of unanticipated +1’s and the food went quickly and people had to sit on the floor. Not a huge deal but avoidable.
It also would have been nice if the late additions could have bothered to make some food instead of bringing chips.
It seems pretty simple to me. Even if you’re hosting the opening of an envelope, if you ask people to RSVP, they should. However, I have no problem calling the non-responders on the deadline and asking if they’ll be attending or not.
Given our group of friends, I plan for 17 guests plus ourselves. One or both of the couples who didn’t RSVP will show up, one or two couples who said they were coming will wind up not showing, and we’ll pick up a random stray somewhere. Then I cook for approximately half that number because every couple will bring a full-sized casserole or pot of soup plus a little something extra in case there’s not enough food. Then they’ll try to sneak out without taking their huge quantities of leftovers with them, but I’ll catch at least half of them at the door with not only their dish, but a nice little foil takeout container of leftovers from the stuff I made.
Me too, but I think I’ll halve the recipe - that sounds like A LOT of chili!
I support the rant, too. When I have to plan something, I don’t use the term RSVP for just these reasons - people think they only have to respond if they’re coming. I say something like, “Please let me know by Friday, February 8th if you will be able to attend or not.” I still get people who don’t respond, because some people are just dicks (and it’s usually the people who have kids, so instead of just one or two people more or less, it’s four people more or less).
Wait, were these Facebook invitations? Because those are worth approximately piss in the wind.
I have a handful of friends who, despite being otherwise great people, are club promoters, musicians, artists, craft store owners, roller derby coaches, or have other professions or hobbies that require whoring oneself out to one’s acquaintances. I get so many god damn facebook invites for Thursday Poetry Nights and Tuesday Folk Trivia Happy Hours and Final Friday Openings and Second Sunday Scrotum Squeeze-o-ramas that the actual legit brunch or dinner party tends to slip through the cracks.
Not to mention that when a friend of a friend of a friend posts on the wall of the event, I get an update, so if somebody’s particularly determined to pimp their Mustache Ride Karaoke Party as hard as possible, I get fucking pings about it whether I’ve RSVP’d or not.
So yeah, I pretty much ignore Facebook invites until the day of, if I’m looking for something interesting to do. On the occasions where we’ve hosted a barbecue or something, I actually call all of the people who I actually want to show up and tell them to look for the invite.
They weren’t FB invitations, just old-fashioned email. Here is a snippet from the actual invitation:
“Let us know if you’re coming or not, and if you’ll be bringing any teenage boys.”
The teenage boys comment is an inside story. A few years ago, my neighbor and her husband came without their teenage son because he was hosting his own SuperBowl party.
He called at half time and asked if there was any extra food because I guess the chips and dip he’d provided wasn’t cutting it. I looked over the huge spread that I had laid out and said, “Sure.” Ha! Within 20 minutes, my huge spread was reduced to a single tortilla chip. It was like an invasion of locusts. I still can hardly believe how much food those teenage boys consumed in a matter of minutes.
The good news is that between them and my dog, clean up was a breeze that year!
That’s not true. If I haven’t heard from someone three hours prior to an event; I think it’s very safe to assume their answer is NO I WILL NOT BE ATTENDING.
I agree with the first sentence. Only partially with the last one. I would say the problem lies with folks who choose to not respect the request and deadline; and then show up.
IMHO RSVP has nothing to do with it. If you’re invited to a party; it’s polite to accept or decline in a timely manner. Even “I won’t know until the last minute.” is better than nothing.