Sounds to me like her dad is like my ex best friend’s dad. He was a shit who didn’t care about his kids- current or previous. (Had 2 previous kids that he never talked to.) He’d send money every once in a while and provided insurance through the military but that’s where the commincation stopped. He had no interest in her life, and trust me- she tried to make him care. She sent him cards and notes, but got nothing friendly in return. Occasionally when he remembered, she got a birthday card with a check but no nice note, just a sig with the cheesy greeting.
She only got the money because he had to- child support and all. He helped pay a bit of college. But the disdain hurt. She would have loved a hi, how are you? But that never came. He was a shit. Sounds like you guys are doing a pile on for a situation you really know jack all about.
Considering that the OP has chosen- despite the fact that she was posting quite prolifically as of yesterday- not to share details, we’re going by what she has said, which does not look good for her situation.
I stated it in my second post, but it bears repeating. CS is not sent to the child- it’s sent to the other parent. If deena is receiving cheques directly from her father, then that lends itself to the interpretation that deena is above the age of majority, her father is under no legal obligation to give her jack, and she’s being a brat for placing additional demands on him. “Well, you’re giving me money, but I want a note! And a card! And a phone call making sure I received it! And another one when I cash it!” Now, if it’s deena’s mother that’s receiving the cheques, and they’re for CS, then deena has a little more of a gripe, but not much. What divorced father is going to send a cheery little note to the ex? Or what if he does, and mom sees fit to not share it? There are lots of potential interpretations, but what it really comes down to is… well, my first paragraph up there.
Your ex-best-friend’s-father sounds like a jerk, it’s true. But your ex best friend should have eventually come to the realisation that her sperm donor was a jerk, and that no amount of effort on her part was going to spark interest on his.
Ane you could be as wrong as any of us–why is your interp correct? You don’t “get over” that your “sperm donor is a jerk”–how callous is that? Maybe the OP is whining about something trivial, but then again, maybe not. For all we know–the OP lent the Dad money!
I see nothing wrong with wanting more than a business relationship with your father. Unfortunately, there seem to be many (or some) fathers out there that either do not know how to communicate affection towards their offspring or don’t care to. That hurts, even w/o money to complicate the issue.
People can spend their whole lives trying to live up (or down) to their father’s expectations or yearning for a relationship that will never be. Sad? yes, but hardly worth heaping abuse on.
If the OP comes back and says that s/he hasn’t tried to further this relationship–then I’ll Pit him/her, not before. Somehow, I doubt that has occurred.
Can you please point out to me where I’ve stated that my interpretation is the only one? In fact, I’ve posited several possibilities, haven’t I? That it’s CS that was sent to deena’s mom, that deena’s father is repaying money owed to her, and that it’s money that, out of his own good graces, he’s giving to her. I’ve even said I’d be significantly more sympathetic if either of the first two scenarios were true.
DON’T put words in my mouth, ESPECIALLY if you’re going to put them in quotes next to something I actually said. I never said “get over.” I said “realise that no amount of effort on her part was going to spark interest on his.” The person in question can wallow in self-pity for the rest of her life if that is the particular road she chooses, but at some point even the most pitiful, attention-starved individual realises “hey, you know… this isn’t working. Maybe I should stop sending all these cards and letters and such.” Thus, she can still have a desire to have a sperm donor who’s not a jerk, but she’s not expending tremendous amounts of energy on getting him to notice/care about her.
Okay, here’s the thing. If deena is above the age of majority, and if she is receiving money from her father for absolutely no other reason than he wants to give it, and if this arrangement (per her OP) is unacceptable to her, then she has two choices: accept the money and realise that her father is Not The Man She Wants Him To Be, or DON’T accept the money and tell him “You know, dad, I appreciate the money, but what I really want is your love and affection. And maybe a letter every once in a while.”
Can you please point out where I’ve “heaped abuse”? As a matter of fact, I stated in my second post:
Yup, that’s a pretty big heap, that is. :rolleyes:
The point is, the OP has chosen to not come back, despite (as I pointed out) being active elsewhere. You can’t post a drive-by pit thread and expect it to exist in stasis… people are going to interpret it and respond.