casdave – thanks buddy! I think it was cutting off his nose too. It was really just spiteful on his part but he sees it like if I won’t play his game, he won’t pay. But he just doesn’t understand that I don’t need the money…
Ayesha – aw shucks, mam! I love you too! 
And I really KNOW that I’m the richer; I swear to the Goddess I wouldn’t trade my family for anything. It just hurts me that he’s willing to trade me for money. Frankly, he can keep it if it makes him so happy but I still want him in my life… he’s the one saying all or nothing… shit… he has no real value system… sigh. I must have gotten mine from my mom. (Who, BTW, rocks!)
Delta-9 – I cannot because there is nothing in writing about what the deal was with my brother’s death money. I will not because it’s blood money and furthering a family struggle over it just adds to everyone’s burden. And he will squirm all on his own when he realizes the money absolutely cannot buy him the happiness he seeks so desperately.
Many Crows – thanks! See, that’s why I count myself all the richer!
friedo – to what end? For blood money? Ouch but no, thanks. It’s just not worth it. If I really wanted 50K I could just go and work for three months on one project and have it. It’s just not about money, it’s about principal, promises, and a legacy that should be worth more than that.
Una – I just can’t do that. I really just can’t. It’s not in me. I’d rather let him have the money, let him try to spin it to happiness and find it doesn’t work. I can’t teach him a lesson but the universe (karma, whatever you want to call it) will. But thanks hon! I’m glad to “hear” from you!
Bear_Nenno – I know, I know, there is a part of me that agrees but see above. Thanks for replying hon, I do appreciate it. (ps you are still my little snuggle bear!)
Tabithina – again, yes, I know what that money would/could do; that’s really why I want it. But even without that money I still use a lot of my own (almost 40% of my income) to my “causes” which he says is one of the reasons he shouldn’t give it to me; he says I’ll just give it away and he’s right, I would. It drives him crazy that I give away so much; he just doesn’t get how that makes me richer in the end. That’s why I feel so sorry for him.
Spider Woman – I lost my brother May 2, 1996 but it still seems recent in my mind. The money thing has been around since the fucker that caused this settled in 1999. I really wish we would have just donated the entire amount to charity or something. The whole bulk of this would have been a non-starter. And no, it didn’t ruin my Christmas… but I’m afraid it’s going to tear my family apart and I don’t want that. I’d give everything I now own to stop that from happening. But it isn’t just me; it’s all of us. It’s so stupid, over this stupid money… I’d gladly work the rest of my life cleaning toilets with my toothbrush if it would bring my brother back and end this stupid shit…
iampunha – I think family and love is always more important than money so yeah, you’re right. Frankly, IMHO EVERYTHING is more important than money.
Ashtar – I’d rather loose everything I own in this world than my family. I’d gladly give up everything I own to bring my brother back. I just can’t convey to you how much my family means to me and why my father’s treatment of me is so painful. He can take that money, he can lie, he can cheat but I really thought he would always love me… but that isn’t the case. Offer him X amount of money and he’ll dump me like a bag of shit. I just can’t tell you how much that almost crippled my spirt. Thank the Goddess I have the love and support of the rest of my family and a lot of friends or I swear, that really would have just killed me. It wounded me deeply but not a killing blow because there are so many others buffeting me against that wave of pain.
Thea Logica – I think so too. If I make waves I somehow offer him justification for what he’s doing… I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want this stupid money to come between us and I’ve tried mightily not to let it but he is the one doing this. I’ve tried to end this strife, to just say, “let’s forget it and move on” but he then goes on and on about this money from my brother and tries to get me to help him perpetuate the lie about the gift I gave him. Now, I’m willing to let go and let things be but I won’t lie about a good thing I did just to make him look good.
Aw, shit, sorry, this post isn’t pit worthy and it’s basically just me whining about shit. Damn it all but I feel like if I don’t spew this out it’s just going to go ‘round my head until it explodes out my fucking ears or something. Christ! Isn’t this the time for all the folks who hate me to come in and tell me what a whining bitch I am or something? Can’t someone make me mad so the pain is less sharp? Where the fuck is KrispyOriginal? Where the fuck is MS?
