I admit, I feel kind of stupid for asking this. It feels like this shouldn’t be an issue at all, but oh, well. Thank you for reading.
Background: 18, about to go off to college, rueful denizen of Suburbia. Home life ain’t great, but then, whose is?
I’ve never been an especially gushy person. My mother is, and my father’s too shy to attempt. Thus, they tend to get a little insecure about their status in my eyes. I’ve more than had the standard my-parents-aren’t-perfect awakening; since then I’ve tried to get my parents to see me as a semi-autonomous adult, ready for the world. (For various reasons, my mother thinks I have a mental disability, and so still doesn’t trust my judgement.) Thus, things at home are a little tense.
The meat: Because of the above unpleasantness, my parents have been trying to secure our relationship before I move out. One way they go about this is by giving me money, “like a parent ought to.” I resent the attempts, because:
[li]It’s hard to plan, or want to plan, a budget (which I’m trying very hard to do) when unpredictable income can fix all my problems.[/li][li]The money’s not free. Deny it though they will, some part of them sees the money as a way to keep me in their debt. My best evidence for this is that Dad wanted to cut me off if I didn’t go to an in-state college, because they want to be close enough to help me.[/li][li]They need to worry about their own finances. We make a middle-class wage, but Grandma and her medical bills have been keeping them from even thinking about retirement. (They’re both in their fifties.)[/li][li] As I suppose you’ve already figured out, I never ask for the money. They just assume I need it.[/li][/ol]
I could go on, but those are the big issues. I recently yelled at them about this issue, and ever since Mom’s been guilt-tripping me about guilt-tripping her for making me feel inferior. Therefore: how do I convince my parents to stop slipping in a “commission” every time I grab them something from a vending machine, without offending either of them?