Don't leave long rambling messages you twat!

The BBQ Pit
1

So my name is in the news recently for a cause of less than staggering social importance, but worthy of my time. People call asking for interviews and so on, no problem.

Come home today to find a message on my machine, somebody has something to say about it. So here’s a free hint for you, whoever you are:

If you want me to even think about calling you back to discuss this, DO NOT leave a long, rambling, weaving-all-over-the-fucking-road message that takes up all the memory on my machine. This makes you sound like a borderline lunatic or one of those folks you meet at a party who is utterly incapable of shutting up.

This lady’s message could have been distilled down to:

“Hi, this is Jane. I saw you on the news, I think what you’re doing is pretty cool and I’ve got a lawsuit pending on the same issue. Give me a call at 1-925-555-5555 if you’d like to talk about it.” Takes about 10 seconds.

But no, this nutbag goes on forever, she’s asking me to look her up in information if I don’t believe her (WTF?), call her, sorry for bothering me, it’s about this dude, call her, sorry for bothering me, do I believe her, blah blah blah…on and on for a couple of minutes until my machine cuts her off.

For fuck’s sake lady, all you’ve done is make me think that you are a complete nutjob. President Bush will get The Communist Manifesto tattoed on his ass in public before I call you back.

And yes I’m aware of the irony of a long rant about this. Bite me :slight_smile:

Ah, feel much better now. Time for a beer.

2

I hear ya.

Why does simple mesage machine etiquette seem too hard for people?

Name
phone number
breif description
hang up

It must be tooo simple for some folks. Including my mother.

3

What really pisses me off is when the person leaves a long rambling message then mutters through the phone number. What the hell? Now I have to listen to the damn thing again. The number is the most important part do not 1. Mutter or 2. Talk to fast. What are you ashamed of your phone number or something?

4

My grandmother, when talking to my answering machine: “Hi. This is Grandma. Tell friedo to give me a call.”

5

Thank you I needed this little chuckle tonight. Grandma’s are so cool. :slight_smile:

6

Oh! I know! She probably IS crazy!!
They really do exist, you know… the mentally ill? And lots of them know how to use the telephone, unfortunately.

7

Could be worse. My grandmother apparently has trouble telling whether she’s hit voice mail or a real person, so her messages tend to be along the lines of “Hi Ms Macphisto, how are you today? (pause) Oh, this is the machine, isn’t it? This is Oma, I was just calling to talk about (fill in latest problem), call me when you’re not busy.”

To be fair, she’s getting much better about it. And she gets really impatient when she calls people and gives up after no more than 3 rings, so she never hits voice mail unless I’m on the phone when she calls.

8

I’m sorry for bothering you, but it is really REALLY important that you believe me. Do you? I mean, I can call you back and try to convince your answering machine to let me speak with you … :smiley:

9

I hate when someone is speaking to voicemail and going “hello? hello? are you there? pick up!! I know you hear me…”

It’s not the same as an answering machine, guys, welcome to the Zach Morris generation.

10

Hahaha, my Nan does that all the time when she leaves messages on my mobile:

‘Hello…William are you there?..can you pick up if you can hear me?..Oh you probabley won’t get this anyway…bloody phones…mutter,mutter.’

It cracks me up, I don’t think she has ever left a normal message in her life.

11

I must admit, I’m slightly guilty of the crime of rambling answering machine messages. Nothing on that level, but my answering messages are perhaps a bit longer than strict functionality would require.

The reason being that answering machines make me nervous. Why? I don’t know. They just do. I’m certainly not a technophobe. When I get nervous I either become extremely quiet and shy, or I chatter excitedly. Normally I go for the former, but that doesn’t work very well with answering machines (although I often do hang up and try to reach them again later if it’s not urgent). Hence the occasional medium length slightly rambling message from me. Oh well. :slight_smile:

12

THank you, I really needed to laugh this morning.

And my apologies to the general public, I have not yet fully gotten (former)Roommate out of this habit. Three sentences into the phone conversation (either live person or answering machine/voice mail), he will FINALLY identify himself, and then ramble on til he gets to his point of calling.

“Hello…how are you doing… this is former(Roommate)…I was wondering…If it’s not a bother…<point of why he is calling…damn, nope not quite there yet…hmmmmm, whazzat?..is that a light?..never noticed this before, nice stonework, smooth seaming, good consistancy on the mortar…YUP, WE’RE FINALLY OUT OF THE TUNNEL!!! Hurrah!!!>…”

As a former receptionist and voice mail checker, let me tell you, this used to drive me nearly insane at work, especially when six out of the 8 lines were ringing at the same time. The person who had their thoughts organized on a question (this is not technical stuff here, folks, no computers or stuff like that) before calling got the best service (and sometimes above and beyond!) because I could A) quickly figure out what/who they wanted, and 2) didn’t have to play ‘Twenty Questions’ getting there. I know there are some people who have a problem organizing their thoughts, but dagnabbit folks, it’s a business, and I was not a 1-900-ME-BIMBO girl there to entertain you (except for the one crazy coot who wanted to know if I was ticklish and more, but thank gawd for caller ID and police dispatch).

Thanks. That was building up for a bit. And I’ll keep working on (former)Roommate for the sanity of humanity.

13

I have about 9 “slots” available on my cal minder service. My mother enjoys filling them all with “it’s me again are you going to ring me back?” When I ring her it usually starts “I tried ringing you but your anwser-thingy was full”
Yes MUM that is what will happen when you leave 8 messages a day. The day I decide not to have an answer thingy it will be your fault.

14

After having sat through way too many of these, I now make it a policy to start all messages with, “Hi, this is Bren, 555-5555.” And then go on to the actual message. That way, if the person decides they need to listen again, it’s right there at the front.

I really wish more people did that.

15

I’m also guilty of that sometimes…

If I call expecting a person and get a person, I’m fine. If I call expecting a machine and get a machine, I’m fine. But somehow, (even when I work on this) if I call expecting a person and I get a machine, my mind goes woosh. I forget my name, I forget my phone number. If I remember why I’ve called, I am no longer able to express it clearly and succinctly - but the message becomes a long rambling discourse that might end up getting to the point, but might not. I can’t make it there anymore.
A similar thing happens if I’m expecting a machine and get a person, all of a sudden the terse message I planned would be rude, and I now have to come up with details - that I can’t quite put together (even if they’re written in front of me on paper).

16

Happy to oblige :slight_smile:

And yeah, just like amarinth and kitarak I’ve forgotten why I called, forgotten my own phone number, etc. right as I started to leave a message. But that’s on my friends’ answering machines so I can just say “Hi it’s Valgard” and they know who to call. If I pull a Noonan like that when I’m calling a stranger I can just HANG UP, compose myself and call back.

Man, you should have heard this lady. Remember the episode of “Cheers” where Norm gets a job as a beer taster, everything’s perfect and then he completely loses it during his interview with the boss? This message was like that only she didn’t start singing nursery rhymes.

I’m pretty sure that she’s just a little bit “off”. I had another woman doing the same thing a month ago, she’d take 10 minutes to say a 10 second sentence. That’s when I started screening my calls, she was also a bit of a flickering porch light.

What’s so hard about this? Everybody on the face of the earth has the same freaking answering/voicemail message anyhow - “This is Bob, I’m not here, please leave your NAME, NUMBER and a SHORT MESSAGE and I’ll call you back later, bye.”

There you go, the reminder of exactly what to do is right up front.

17

But, see, Valgard, that would mean people would actually have to listen to your message! That takes up too much valuable time! We should just be able to call, not say anything, and you should know who it is! :smiley:

My mom likes to leave messages akin to “Hi-i. This. Is. Grandma. Are. You. There?. No?. Ok.” click When she leaves messages like that, I have LilMiss call her, guessing that because she referred to herself as Grandma, she wanted to talk to her grandchild. Nope. “Why did you have her call back? I was calling to talk to you”. When I explain that by referring to herself as Grandma rather than Mother, it’s easy to make that assumption.

I know I’ve gone on before about voicemails at my work, but I’ve started playing a new game. The memo left tells clients to leave a detailed message (along with other identifying info). If a client calls me “uh, yeah, I’m calling about my case”, my return call is “I’m returning your call about your case” click. When they call back upset that I haven’t given them the info they desired, I ask what info was I to have left? Uhhh, about my case. I know that! WHAT about your case?!? Oh.

18

I always say “Hi, this is Lynn Bodoni, 817-999-9999, calling about (getting a roof repair quote or whatever). That’s 8-1-7–9-9-9–9-9-9-9.” I’ve found that by leaving my phone number at least twice, I more than double my chances of a callback.

Say the phone number loudly, clearly, and SLOWLY, folks. Some of us are more than half deaf, and need all the help we can get. And those hearing aids are not the miracle cure they promise to be, either.

19

Whenever I call a friend and leave a message I say “Hey, its flamingbananas, I called to (whatever I called about). So just call me back, thanks bye.” Short and to the point. I don’t start a conversation with the answering machine, because THATS NOT WHAT THEY ARE FOR. THEY ARE FOR A SHORT MESSAGE. People these days…