Well, to be fair, seeing a cop with “Office Fag-Hater” on his badge could be quite irritating.
Having blown off steam this morning, I can now answer all these posts without cussing. So…
We’d had the cops called before by the same neighbour, no noise made, that time with me home and my father visiting, best friend not around. He answered the door and two policemen who were quite upset about having been dragged out here on such a silly call said that they’d listened outside the door and heard no noise, politely apologized, left. I mentally flagged the neighbours as jerks and went on with my life. Between then and last night, the landlady called my cellphone at least twice while my apartment was empty and locked to tell me she’d been called about noise. A handful of other times this happened while I was at home going about my day with no inordinate amount of noise. So yes, it was the neighbours that pissed me off most here.
Here’s the catch. This call, like the first one, was purely a noise complaint- like you’d get if you were having a loud party or something similar. Not a domestic violence call. The one I called Officer Whoreface was responsible only for the “It’s the cops” bit, which was definitely said- whether this is common or these were some awfully bad police I can’t say (neither of the cops on the first call said it), but the uniform of at least “Officer Whoreface” was definitely genuine. The one who did most of the talking, so-named “Officer Fag-hater”, I didn’t look at much- distracted by his facial expressions mostly. The third person(“Officer Invisible”) I assumed to be doing some kind of ride-along or internship, based on the way he deferred to them, but we’d like to have seen a face. Neither of us thought to ask what the hell an orange book was, and googling it with and without my city and province the next day got no result related to policing anywhere.
I’m not mad that the police came. Just that they were so quick to insinuate things the neighbour hadn’t suggested (and, based on the “it’s the cops” bit, so incompetent) in comparison to the two who came last time. And projection or no projection, the assumption that we must live together did strike a nerve. I can’t fault you for calling me wrong for that, everyone’s mileage will vary.
As far as I know the neighbours have no idea I’m gay, so it’s unlikely their malice is homophobic as was suggested. However, having never even seen the face of the repeated complainer in the apartment below me, I can’t fathom what I’ve ever done to piss them off either. Unless I’m missing something, they just hate me for living above them.
They showed up at 2am but they may have been called a few hours earlier while you and your friend were in the middle of your dish-smashing contest.
You’re gay?
Regards,
Shodan
What’s the fuckery that deserves prosecution, again? Asking about dishes? Referring to an unofficial orange book?
Or being everything you hate, and still realizing you wanted him to take you, take all of you, then and there?
He must be European with a last name like that.
Okay, so I enjoy a good frothing rant as much as anybody, but your second post makes it much more clear about what really happened and what you’re actually angry about. The officers, based on your descriptions, could have been a tad more polite, I suppose. But that’s not really at the top of their job description, and aside from that (and maybe wearing too much makeup?), they didn’t really do anything wrong here.
If you’ve got neighbors who are making bogus calls to the cops based on some real or imagined beef they have with you, well now you’ve got something. Do you know for sure which neighbors called? Ever have any other problems with them? Calling in false alarms could actually land them in some serious hot water, and if this happens again – third time’s a charm! – I’d consider bringing that up to the responding officers, and/or making a call of your own afterward.
But here’s another thought – Is it possible that someone actually* is *hearing the noise they’re describing and mis-attributing it to your home? How close are the quarters we’re talking about here? Could this whole thing just be a misunderstanding?
Tell the police they should arrest your neighbors for repeatedly making false reports to the police. You have been documenting those incidents, right?
I am sensing one of those modern liberal minded young children’s learning about life books.
How Johnny the Cop Learned to Love Fish Tacos Too!
And imagine the illustrations!
Wouldn’t that be Janey the Cop.
Veracity or validity aside, that was a good rant, an old-school Pitting if I ever I read one and for that I say well done to the OP.
On a side note, we’re taking the opportunity to teach our 2 year-old niece to yell, “It’s the cops!” every time we ring the doorbell.
I don’t think this is such a great idea. Sure, it seems cute NOW, but it’s going to be less cute when it’s done at the wrong time, or when she gets older.
It’s sort of like wrestling with a young kitten, and allowing it to bite and claw on your bare skin. It’s adorable when they’re young. Less adorable when they’re older.
It’s a niece not a daughter and that means it’s the sworn duty* to teach her adorable now, inappropriate later things 
*This belief is the reason I moved 2500km away from my family shortly after my son was born.
There’s something about amusing about a rant against homophobia where the poster refers to a woman with makeup on her face as “officer whoreface”.
I’d love to see the reaction to a Muslim immigrant using such a term.
Actually in my experience with the two guys I’ve known that are definitely gay, they will deny it thrice before the cock crows, get a pretty beard, then come out in university (though not to their family).
I don’t blame them at all though, I used to get loads of homophobic comments for answering questions correctly in class. Looking back, I was just as crass as everyone else by pointedly asking the above two guys whether they were gay and probably contributing to the amount of crap they had to put up with.
Maybe your neighbours have noisy radiators? I’ve been convinced someone is knocking on my door before and it turned out to be the radiator. I also thought that it was snowing this morning but it was just fog… Hmm.
I’d love for there to be appropriate context too. “I am the ethnic minorities officer, whoreface, do as I say!”
“Open up! It’s the pigs!”
Especially if it’s a tom cat with paws as big as your hand.
Dave’s not here, man.
Maybe. I have a friend who lives next to a cop calling nut in Minneapolis. He calls on all the neighbors. He calls so often the 911 operators know him. He calls so often the city council has gotten involved. He put in motion detectors and cameras and calls every time a feral cat goes through his yard. But the police have got to respond. On the plus side, all the Neighbors other than the caller have established really good relationships with the police who are on regular patrol in their neighborhood.
Dear Penthouse Forums,
I know you’re not going to believe this really happened, but I’m a cop and late one night we got a noise disturbance complaint. We being me and my partner “Mrs. Whoreface.” We used to call her that because she always got dolled up in really hot makeup. When we knocked this lady answered with what I naturally assumed was her half sister. Boy did I find out how wrong I was on that guess before the night was over!