Three times in the past year or so, I’ve had three separate men pull this stunt on me. I’m well aware that not all men do this. But I’m wondering why some do, as it seems to be about the stupidest possible thing to try. I want to know why any sane individual would deliberately be such a bonehead as to criticize a woman, as if they knew better, in the woman’s area of technical expertise, when they DON’T know better.
I’m a computer tech. I don’t know EVERYTHING about computers, far from it, but I do know a heck of a lot, because it’s my job. What I don’t understand is when some guy that I’m chatting up, because I think he’s cute, and he seems to be smart (so far), and he’s otherwise attractive to me and I might like to date him, tries this little stunt: he TELLS me “just how it is” with computers. He’ll do this regardless of having any familiarity with computers of his own; the last perpetrator was a gunsmith who I had helped to install several games on his computer, because he couldn’t figure out how to unzip them. I’m not saying that people who don’t dig computers tick me off–far from it! They’re my job security. I like helping people who like being helped, too. But when he gives me some specious explanation of how hardware X just can’t work (when I’m running it at home) or starts blaming his software when it’s a user error, and saying that he “just knows” it was engineered to screw up his world…it really ticks me off, and blows any chances of ever dating this person.
The only possible explanations I can come up with are: 1. He might be testing to see if I’ll tolerate outrageous behavior from someone I’m attracted to. (I’d beleive it, but he acted so hurt when I called his bluff.) 2. He might actually think that he knows better than a “chick” about her professional field, because all he knows about that field is that some techs sound really pompous and smartalecky, and he can do that, who needs knowledge? (I hope not. I hope not. Please, tell me it’s not so.) 3. He thinks that because I’m good at this techy stuff, his technical ignorance will shine out like a light and I’ll be compelled to stay with him to fix that (Might work, if I weren’t already professionally aware of how difficult it is to teach someone who “knows it all already.” Back to #2 on that).
So…am I doomed to date only other geeks? Are there any men out there who are comfortable enough with a competent woman that they don’t want to “impress” her? Will I ever have a conversation with an interesting non-geek guy that doesn’t end with me walking away thinking “Don’t let him see the choking motions”?
Corr
