DooWahDiddy vs. The World, apparently

About This Message Board
1

First off, let me sincerely apologize to anyone I may have affected by posting my “Attn. SexyWriter” post in MPSIMS on 07/16. Secondly, let me state that I hope About This Message Board is the correct forum to post this message in, as I have no wish to bump the original to the top of the board. If it is not, please feel free to place it in the correct forum.

That said, I must confess that I was truly disappointed with the way the situation was handled. Maybe I committed a faux pas by “bumping” the OP, but the chastising and condescension displayed by the members and moderators of this board was quite unnecessary.

I quote Astro: “…People should be able to participate here without being pestered about off board issues regardless of their seeming importance to you. She’s got a web site… Make your inquiry there.”

How in the name of Jesus was my post “pestering”? As I said in my follow-up post, I clearly labeled it “Attn. SexyWriter”. If members of the board want to be nosy and see what the message is, how am I to stop them? I didn’t tell them to look at it. And if SexyWriter considers it “pestering”, I am more than certain that she would promptly bring this to my attention.

I quote a moderator, Arnold Winkelried: “…If you people want to fight, take it to The BBQ Pit.”
Did I make any indication in my OP that I wanted to discuss anything with anyone other than SexyWriter? Imagine my surprise when I checked the thread only to see a demanding response from Astro and a few snide comments from others along the lines of “Class, shut up” and “He told you to step off and never get back on”. Of COURSE I never wanted to fight, Arnold! But if you think I’m just going to sit back and watch while people make posts like these, you are mistaken.

I realize I have not made many posts at this board, and to be perfectly honest, the reason for that is because I have seen the way some people act here. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy coming here (yes, I know, “If you don’t like it, don’t come here”… thanks.) but this is ridiculous. And then I scroll down only to see a post about trying to contact someone about playing Scrabble! If we’re going to be totally absurd, let’s at least try to be consistent, huh?

Like I said, I am truly sorry if I caused any major complications from what I did. I am most apologetic to SexyWriter, and I hope she does not feel embarrassed or “pestered”. I am a songwriter and I simply wanted to ask if she would like to discuss some lyrics with me.

I have a wonderful sense of humor and can take wisecracks and jokes just as well as the next guy, but this was just stupid.
DooWahDiddy

2

There have on occasion been off-board issues which got dragged in here. I assume that wasn’t really the case here, but I can see how it could appear to be to some people–perhaps they thought Ms. Writer was ignoring you, and you were trying to publically pressure her into responding. Hence the comments about “pestering” and privacy concerns.

Also…if you post it, they will come–anything you post is subject to comment by all and sundry, regardless of who you direct it at. This is just the nature of the medium; it can’t be helped, and it won’t change. I don’t mean to be snide, but the only way to ensure your posts are never misinterpreted, disputed, or hijacked is to not post.

3

There’s all manner of ways to connect to people online, including email and different kinds of instant messaging.

And that’s what you should use for non-board communications, don’t clutter up the board with your personal stuff.

If you take offense at it, it’s really too bad, but this is not your personal bulletin board, not like that, anyway. There’s a lot to read here and people don’t want to have to wade through personal notes for one person to call/write another; that’s not what this place is about.

your humble TubaDiva
Administrator

4

Thank you, MysterEcks. It’s nice being spoken to like the adult that I am.

I became very embarrassed when I read this:

But rest assured, I only became embarrassed because I realized you were right. My humble apologies to Ms. Writer and to anyone else who was under the same impression. I assure you the thought never once crossed my mind.

TubaDiva: I am well aware of the various means of contacting people online. Obviously you must know I only did what I did as a last resort. I would never take advantage of a public bulletin board. My main concern was with the way it was handled, and the fact that other people were doing the same exact thing I was but didn’t get called on it or get nasty responses like I did (not that I am trying to pass the buck, but consistency is the key).

In any event, again, apologies for anyone and everyone I inconvenienced, and it will not happen again.

DooWahDiddy

5

I’m cool with that.

your humble TubaDiva
Administrator

6

Hmm.

  1. Doo Wah, I patronize a number of other MBs, and they’re all just like the SDMB–none of them is perfect. I hope you won’t write us all off as clueless morons just because a couple of people snapped at you. I’ve seen worse here, believe me. :smiley:

  2. And in Doo Wah’s defense, I’d like to point out that it’s not like it’s the first time anybody’s ever posted a “Hey, so-and-so!” more-e-mail-worthy personal-message MPSIMS thread.

Hey, Pipeliner! from Racinchikki, 7-18-2001:

Hey, Jarbaby! from Superdude, 6-13-2001:

Hey, Jadis, check this! from Omniscient, 1-27-2001:

Hey, Spider Woman! from Weirddave, 1-13-2001:

There were 271 hits altogether from a MPSIMS Search for “hey” in the Subject line for the last 18 months. Granted, they weren’t all personal messages, but a certain percentage of them were. And some of them turned into general MPSIMS discussions with 30 or 40 posts. But some of them remained only a simple question and answer.

Hey, Pipeliner! by Odieman, 11-6-2000:

So Doo Wah may perhaps be forgiven for assuming that posting a personal message in MPSIMS would not be out of line. :wink:

7

Thanks, Duck, thank you very much.

This whole thing was very much over, with all parties happy, and you have to pipe in with “well, here’s some other people who didn’t get caught speeding, so of course pne might see that it’s reasonable to exceed the limit.”

That really makes our job a whole lot easier.

Thanks again.

8

Since there is a question about the appropriateness of a moderator’s actions, and the suspicion of inconsistent enforcement of moderator duties, let me first include a link to the thread in question since I will be referring to it in my post:

MPSIMS
Attn. SexyWriter
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=78285

First - Poster DooWahDiddy seems perturbed that I asked people to settle personal disagreements in the BBQ Pit. I saw a thread that was threatening to turn hostile, in part due to comments of other posters in the thread, in part due to the last post of DooWahDiddy. So I posted a warning - which was not only directed at you, DooWahDiddy. I don’t care who started what - if you think you’ve been insulted or treated impolitely by someone, and you want to respond in kind, the proper place to do so is in The BBQ Pit - include a link in the original thread if you want to, saying “please join me here so I can let you know what I really think of your post”.

Second - I don’t know what this Scrabble thread is to which you refer, so if you include a link, it will be easier for me to judge. I see also that Duck Duck Goose has posted other examples of “Hey there” threads. This is the crucial difference in my eyes:
-Posting once a thread saying “Hey, so and so, please e-mail me, I would like to discuss something with you” - that’s OK. Don’t post it multiple times or bump the thread unnecessarily though - maybe the person doesn’t want to talk to you. If someone doesn’t have an e-mail address available through the board, that probably means that they don’t want to receive e-mail.
-Posting a thread saying “hey, so and so, I’ve e-mailed you, why haven’t you responded?” not OK. Posters should only include e-mail addresses that they check fairly regularly. The poster may not want to answer your e-mail - in which case bringing the issue up is “pestering” them. If it’s a very important issue, then, as I mentioned in the thread in my comment to DooWahDiddy, contact a moderator and we will use our judgement on whether or not to attempt to contact the other party. You have said yourself, DooWahDiddy, that you realize how such threads might seem to be harassment. Hence my moderator statement.

Duck Duck Goose, I’m sure you will realize that your examples all fit into my first category, not the second category (as best as I can tell - I didn’t click on every link.) If you find a thread that fits into the second category (“why don’t you answer my e-mails?”) please let me know and I will be glad to let the poster know that the SDMB staff discourages these kind of posts.

DooWahDiddy - you had posted in the thread that you wanted to know what the moderator point of view was, so I gave you the moderator point of view.

9

In response to an e-mail query, let me be more explicit with one thing I said:

<<-Posting once a thread saying “Hey, so and so, please e-mail me, I would like to discuss something with you” - that’s OK. Don’t post it multiple times or bump the thread unnecessarily though - maybe the person doesn’t want to talk to you.>>

I would consider that being acceptable behaviour only if the person doesn’t have an e-mail address listed in their profile.

10

Okay, Arnold, I take your point. But I hope you take my point about personal messages in MPSIMS, which is that people do it all the time, and this is the very first time I can remember the Administration getting its panties in a bunch over it. I have never seen any “guidelines” for posting personal messages in MPSIMS. There are “guidelines” around for cross-posting, for copyright fair use, for discussing trolls, and for the use of profanity in forums other than the Pit. But I’ve never seen a single word anywhere about how many times you can bump a “hey, e-mail me, wouldja?” MPSIMS thread.

Manny, FYI, this thread was at the top of the Forum when I came across it, so please don’t accuse me of dredging up old painful memories. The last post was 7-21, Saturday night, at 7:50 p.m. I posted less than 2 hours later, at 9:36 p.m. Is there now a rule against pointing out other ramifications to a discussion in a thread? I wasn’t pointing out, “Here are some other people who didn’t get caught speeding”, because AFAIKnew, like I just said, he wasn’t “speeding”. I’ve never seen any mod tell someone in MPSIMS, “Hey, quit posting those personal e-mails.”

I hate to see somebody raked over the coals for something as trivial as this, especially somebody who doesn’t post here very often, and who may perhaps be forgiven for not understanding the more arcane ins and outs of Straight Dope etiquette (what there is of it).

You guys made him feel bad, and for nothin’. [insert emoticon for cross finger-wagging] I think what happened was ya’ll thought you saw a not-very-frequent poster, a stranger :eek: , posting more or less at random to a Doper regular with a “hot” name, possibly getting ready to harass her. “Ooh, what’s this message board here? Hey, there’s somebody called Sexywriter, think I’ll send her an e-mail…”

And ya’ll jumped on the Mysterious Stranger like a duck on a June bug.

Well, I have been in Doo Wah’s shoes, on other MBs, where you unwittingly break an unwritten posting rule, or step on somebody’s toes, and you’re standing there feeling stupid while people yell at you. It would have been nice, when it happened to me, to have one person say, “Hey, wait a minute, she just got here, how’s she supposed to know?”

11

Duck Duck Goose: But I hope you take my point about personal messages in MPSIMS, which is that people do it all the time, and this is the very first time I can remember the Administration getting its panties in a bunch over it.

This is the only occasion I’ve witnessed where a poster started a thread for the purpose of saying “PosterB - please answer the e-mail I sent you”. If you find another thread like that, please let me know.
The thread was then “bumped” to the top of the forum, and when it was suggested that this was inappropriate behaviour, the poster said “I’ll only believe that if a moderator says it.”

I re-read the statement I made in the thread, and I fail to see how your statements “raked over the coals”, “made him feel bad”, “jumped on the Mysterious Stranger like a duck on a June bug”, “yell” are remotely close to the truth. There was a simple statement of board policy (that the poster him/herself seemed to invite by appealing for an official decision), and I, for one, am not going to stop reminding posters of what I think is appropriate behaviour at the SDMB in the fear that their feelings may be hurt, or because they have a low post count.

Duck Duck Goose: I think what happened was ya’ll thought you saw a not-very-frequent poster, a stranger, posting more or less at random to a Doper regular with a “hot” name, possibly getting ready to harass her.

You thought wrong. Us all (in this case, Arnold Winkelried) saw a poster attempting to get another poster to answer a private e-mail. My decision was in no way influenced by DooWahDiddy’s post count or SexyWriter’s screen name.