Doper Jokes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, searched the last thread and it was sort of old (unless I missed one that was more recent).

Anyway, share your jokes, preferrably about dopers but anything is fine really. I found one of these for another forum (though I didn’t save the title so it’s hard to tell whitch) and adapted it.

How many dopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that it has been changed and they need to ask a quick question about lightbulbs

6 to share that they are not sure of the answer but a professional should be around shortly to answer

5 to WAG and miss the mark completely

3 to WAG and hit it dead on but assure everyone they’re not correct

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

7 to jokingly point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to correct errors in the posts about spelling/grammar

3 to end the spelling argument

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb” … another 6 to condemn those 6 as pedantic and petty

2 proclaimed industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp” and answer the question posed in the OP

15 who claim that they were previously in the industry, and that “light bulb” is perfectly correct

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL’s

3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are tangentally relevent to the conversation

4 to discuss how religion views lightbulbs

8 to argue about the merits of religion

1 to tell the previous 8 to take it to GD

3 to say “I found this on google, which should answer your question” while posting a link that answers the question already answered several times

1 to start a new topic on lightbulbs 6 months later to start it all over again

Anyway that’s just what I’ve observed the time I’ve been here (with embellished numbers and exaggerated claims).

Anyone else have any good doper jokes?

2

no but this one was funny

3

Cite?

4

You forgot the 3 that brought pie to the bulb changing.

5

You also forgot the one who had to do a hurried edit when he realised he’d posted to the wrong thread.

6

[ul][li]How many dopers does it take to change a lightbulb?[/li][li]two[/li][/ul]

7

I’m changing a lightbulb like a mother fuck!

I burning your lightbulb.

Tell me about how black people change lightbulbs.

Lightbulb out. Need answer now.

8

But did you turn the power off? That’s the most important step!

9

1 to bring a potato for extracting the old light bulb.

10

Curse you! I was going to bring that spud.
Don’t forget the three who will begin to debate the best kind of potato for old light bulb extraction.

11

One to phrase the thread title as, “Recommend me the best way to change a light bulb” and fifteen to debate whether or not ‘Recommend me…’ is grammatically correct, with cites to Wiki articles about Old English, Latin and several obscure dialects.

12

…

13

And one to point out that potato extraction of light bulbs is a dangerous, outdated, do-it-yourself procedure devised by Old Wives with no proven track record of safety or effectiveness, and in these more enlightened times there exist gadgets made in China by 8 year olds to do the same job with modern efficiency and safety.

14

And one to point out that belief in lightbulbs is stupid, that lightbulbism has caused all of the problems in the world today, and that people only believe in The Big Lightbulb In The Ceiling because they’re childishly afraid of the dark.

15

1 to ask by the way, what is the wattage of a 1920s Style Death Ray?

What is it with all you Nazis who have to eliminate “bulbs” you feel are too “dim?”

16

What right do you have to change a lightbulb anyway? Your children should be your number one priority. One day they’re going to grow up into sociopaths, because you were never there for them, what with your selfish lightbulb-changing lifestyle.

17

I have a lightbulb down in my root cellar that I haven’t had to change since 1960. I am really grateful because it’s a pain in the ass, and takes like 20 minutes.

18

This lightbulb goes out 30 times a day for a minute or two at a time… Why can’t someone replace it?

19

One to post pictures of their cat staring at the newly-installed light bulb

20

And one more to re-post it with an LOL Cats caption. (“I can haz litebulb?”)