How many Dopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hmmm…let’s see…

One to write the OP.

One to quote the entire OP in the first reply of the thread.

One to ask for clarification.

One to write a long and elaborate response that misses the point of the OP.

One to ask for a cite.

One to link to a relevant page from Cecil.

One to provide links to three threads that previously asked the same question.

One to make a 1920’s Death Ray or “when come back bring pie” or “I burning your dog” reference.

One to make a joke about Dopers “screwing”.

One to blame the current administration for recent lightbulb failures.

One to link to a website describing the operation, including photographs.

One to denounce lightbulb changing as a remnant of a patriarchal and/or fascist system.

One to recommend turning off the electricity in the house first so that no one risks injury.

One to provide a link to a site showing lightbulb injuries acquired in the home between 1992-2002.

One to link to a joke website about lightbulb changing.

One to start a pit thread about lightbulb-changers.

…who am I forgetting?

2

One to blame the previous administration for recent lightbulb failures.

3

One to make a make a lame pun (that’s often me.)

One to throw in a paragraph about Thomas Edison.

One to rant about OSHA’s ladder regs.

One to ask why we can’t edit our own light bulbs.

Four to argue about whether it’s lightbulbs or light bulbs.

One guy from Louisiana to claim that we yankees don’t know how to spell latbubs.

One to start another thread about how darn long it takes to change a lightbulb.

One to say she lived in this country before country was cool.

4

One to totally misunderstand the OP and make an ass of himself as he goes off on a tangent half-cocked.

And at least three or four to “pull up lawn chairs and pass out popcorn and root beer,” even though we’re not supposed to do that anymore.

5

One to totally misunderstand the OP and make an ass of himself as he goes off on a tangent half-cocked.

And at least three or four to “pull up lawn chairs and pass out popcorn and root beer,” even though we’re not supposed to do that anymore.

6

And one to double-post

7

One to accidently double-post!

:smiley:

8

…and two to simulpost. :slight_smile:

9

One iampunha to run nekkid through the thread.

10

One to say “Hi” to Opal.

11

really call a “light bulb” a lamp, as the bulb is just the glass envelope around the filament, and “lamp” refers to the whole thing.

Then about 65 dopers to come in and say, “Yeah, whatever. That’s not what we call it in ___________. We call it a hermaphacutile.” And then another doper to come back with lame cites like dictionary.com, a few more dopers to add to the fight, and then a mod to come in, slap everybody around for getting all nasty in MPSIMS, and close the thread.

12

One to point out that it’s actually called a “lamp.”

13

One to be humorously self-referential.

14

One to bitch bitterly about being beaten to the punch by ONE FREAKING POST.

15

Don’t forget the one who is insulted by something insinuated in the OP; who comes into the thread repeatedly to explain why the OP is racist/sexist/a gay-basher/a misogynist/ whatever the flavor of the day is for the offenderati.

16

Um, I’m going to try that first paragraph again, this time with all the words:

“One doper to get all crazy with the technical talk and point out we should really call a “light bulb” a lamp, as the bulb is just the glass envelope around the filament, and “lamp” refers to the whole thing.”

Sorry 'bout that.

17

One to point out how in Europe bulbs aren’t screwed in at all, but rather inserted, then twisted a quarter turn to the right, and how everything isn’t just about America, goddamn it.

18

lieu to work in some bathroom humor.

19

One to point out that screwing in lightbulbs really does nothing to fight ignorance, so why would anyone suggest we do it in the first place.

20

One to say that light bulbs in Canada are far superior to light bulbs in the United States, for the amount of light they put out, the quality of the light, and the overall durability. They’re also make the claim that Canadian bulbs are much larger and prettier than US lightbulbs, and they don’t cause light pollution.

One to say that you don’t need a light bulb, since you can get all the light you want with Juh-heeee-uhh-zuh-hus, and that all the other posters are going to Hell.

Someone to ask how magicians levitate light bulbs, and make them light up without any external power.

A mod to close that thread, after complaints from magicians.

One to recommend the boycott of French light bulbs, and also tell Hillary Clinton jokes in the process.

One to offer Slashdot cliches, such as “In Soviet Russia, lightbulb screws YOU!”, “Imagine a Beowulf cluster of light bulbs!” or “Does the lightbulb run Linux?”

One to offer Fark cliches, such as “Having answered all the world’s questions, Straight Dopers discuss changing light bulbs.”

Twenty to get involved in a heated fanboy war about what type of illumination is superior: incandescent, fluorescent, halogen or LED?