Post your best lightbulb jokes here!

It’s time for a new light bulb thread. Here are some of my favourites:

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The lightbulb contains the seed of its own revolution.

Q: How many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it quickly, and one to point out that no transitional forms occurred at all.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - it’s easy to see that this a pseudo-problem. Light bulbs give off light - hence the name. Now, if the bulb was broken and wasn’t giving off light, it could not be a “light bulb”, could it? Oh, where has rigor gone?

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

Q: How many Harvard graduates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Q: How many literalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven.

Q: How many psycholgists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fish.

My favorite one comes from a newspaper column by the humorist Ian Sholes, I remember some of it, it was 3 paragraphs long.

Q: How many deconstructionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Even the asking of that question invokes a matrix of assumptions about the value of labor, phallocentricity, and enlightenment…

An old one from Royal Canadian Air Farce that only fellow Canadians will appreciate:

How many McCain brothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three: One to change the lightbulb, one to do the paperwork, one to twist it up and curl it up, McCain, what have you done to my lightbulb!

:D[sub]god, i hope somebody out there got that[/sub]:smiley:

How many women with PMT does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10
Why?
IT JUST BLOODY WELL DOES! OK?!

Also seen this one with Harvard graduates replaced with men.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - “We’ll fix that in your next house”

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Just two, but the trick is getting them in there.

Badtz, I heard that one as

Q: how many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only two. The real question is how the heck they got in there!

The people I know who work with mosquitoes really like that one.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Never mind, bubbe, that’s OK. My old, tired eyes have already seen so much. I’ll just stay in the dark.

Q: How many independant research firms does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many do you want it to be?

Q: How many sex therapists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. Two to do the job, and one to tell them how they could have done it better.

Q: How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That is not funny!

Q. How Many Irish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. You go out, son - I’ll just sit here in the dark.

I just saw on preview that Irish and Jewish mothers have much in common.

I don’t know if this qualifies, but here goes. My kids are convinced I eat light bulbs. They were walking by my bedroom door one night and heard me tell my wife, “Honey, turn out that light bulb, I wanna eat that thing.”

I had always heard this version:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.


Q: How many drunks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. One to hold the light bulb, and 99 to drink until the room starts to spin.

Q: How many Amish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the bulb and the other to tell him it’s against the will of God.

Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: CHANGE!?!?!?!?!
Q: How many southern belles does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to pour the diet Pepsi and one to call daddy.

Probably done before but…

Q: How many Klingons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. A Klingon Warrior is NOT afraid of the dark.

Oh! Me me me!!! Me next!

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Two VEEERRRRRYYYY TINY people!

Disclaimer:
OK. The next one is a JOKE, and a damn funny one IMO,
which is not meant to be incendiary and does not reflect the
attitudes of the poster, who is FEMALE for God’s sake!

Here goes:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two.
one to change the bulb, and one to SUCK MY DICK.

Q. How many Microsoft engineers does it take, etc.

A. None. Bill Gates just redefines darkness as the industry standard.

AND

Q. How many Zen Buddhists does it take, etc.

A. None. Change must come from within.

How many people from your college does it take to change a light bulb? You can probably find out here.

None, that’s a hardware problem!

Didn’t see this in Mystery Dog’s list so if it is repeated I apologize:

Q: How many Illinois State University students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one . . . but they get 3 credit hours for it.