I was 21 when we had our first, and my husband was 22. To look at those photos now is pretty funny - we were so young! We got married (our four-year old daughter was our flower girl) and had our son when she was 5 1/2.
The first one was definitely a surprise, but I wouldn’t trade having her for anything in the world - she is a great kid (when she’s not driving us crazy). Ditto for our son.
If I could go back in time I would probably add a third kid to the mix. I can’t imagine life without my children. We had some times when the budget was very tight (I stayed at home for a few years when both kids were little), but they have brought so much more to our lives than any sacrifices we have ever made.
Quit worrying and thinking so much. You both sound ready. Just go for it.
If you’ve been trying for a year and nothing yet think about consulting with your OB. We were able to conceive what will probably be our only child solely because my husband sought treatment for a swollen vein in his groin area. Since then we’re at three years trying for our second. No luck at all even after lots of technological assistance.
Many fertility issues can be corrected more easily than you might think.
My twenties (except the two and a half years I was married) was like something out of a Hemingway novella, but I’ll tell you one thing, though. Becoming a parent may cramp your style, however, it’s the greatest adventure I’ve ever had.
More seriously, I’m just echoing the statements of others above. You’re never really ready in the sense that everything is now perfect and arranged for a child to enter your lives. And, I don’t think anyone is really ready for the huge responsibility and changes that come with being a parent. But it is oh so worth it.
Like others, I never knew I was ready for parenthood. I just came to grips with the facts that A) I want to have children B) I’m not getting any younger C) things will never be “perfect” for having a child. A year later I was a father.
Everything has worked out fantastically, despite my own hellish childhood and still-relevant issues due to it. I enjoy every moment with my child, watching her miraculous ability to learn new things, seeing her run to me with pure glee in her eyes etc. Even the tantrums are hilarious. We would already have another one, if not for multiple miscarriages…sigh.
Again, I really appreciate the reassurances. This has been a huge help, and today I told Mr. Elysium I thought it was a good time to stop taking birth control. So here we go!
At this point I have been on some kind of hormonal birth control since we began dating 6 years ago, so I have no idea how long it might take. But at this point I’m just going to relax and let things happen if they happen.
Thanks for the advice, LavenderBlue, but at this point infertility is not something on our minds. But if after a year off BC we are still not conceiving I’ll check everything out. I wouldn’t be surprised if this happened, since both my sister and mother have had(are having) problems, but we’ll worry about that after a bit of time.
I’ve started taking some generic multivitamins for ladies with folic acid, and I’m going to keep exercising and trying to eat right.
I guess I should read up on some more things I should be thinking about at this stage. Is there a “thinking about conceiving” book or something?
Thanks again everyone, I’m actually pretty excited now that I’ve made this decision.
What about sleep? Surely some of you parents must’ve started out as the type who can’t function on less than 8 hours of sleep. Do you just, well, walk around in a continuous zombie state?
I can nap like a pro! I am totally ready for this.
Plus, hubby and I are pretty much hermits anyway. Our Friday night is staying in watching Doctor Who, playing Rock Band, making homemade pizza and knitting and drawing. So we won’t be missing any party scene, or anything.
For a couple of 25-ish year old’s we’re old fogies already. If I start now I might have a baby blanket knitted by the time I give birth. (I only just started knitting on New Years)
heh. Yeah, nowadays my wife and I look at each other and ask, “What did we do before we had the baby? Were we just bored all the time?” It’s hard to remember…
Try not to be hermits, though. Find some other people who are having kids or just had kids; they’re a valuable source of advice for things like pediatricians and preschools, plus they usually have baby clothes and toys they want to get rid of (free stuff, yay!).
Elysium, as my sister in law didn’t stop repeating for the first three months of her first pregnancy, the average time for a couple to conceive once they start trying is two years. The Nephew was a hole-in-one; The Niece took about three months to “catch” and by that time her mother was already freaking out
I do hope your waiting time is also short and the results have all proper body parts
The Bro was ready since before he was physically old enough. His wife needed to feel self-assured enough to go and try it; in her case, it took the form of getting a test for a genetic defect a cousin of hers has, but I suspect that getting that negative result was a sort of “Dumbo’s feather,” it’s actually a sort of symbol or focus for “feeling grown up and self assured enough.”
Thanks for the tip Max. Thankfully we have SIL and BIL with their one year old and a friend of mine from high school with a 1 year old as well. Plus hubby has 3 older sisters all with kids, I expect a lot of hand-me-downs when the time comes!
My high school friend wants a second baby now, and thinks we should have a baby at the same time this year. Who knows how that will turn out. She actually said “let’s have a baby together!”
I told her that I think we don’t have the right parts for that.
I’m genuinely curious how quickly or not-so-quickly we might conceive. His side of the family are all baby-machines and my side is endometriosis-plagued (but full of “miracles” as they say).
2 years seems like a long time, Nava, but when I really think about it that seems like a true average. It’s hard to say which way it’ll go at this point, but knowing that average might help us not to blame ourselves if we go 8 months without anything.
Funny, I was just thinking on my way to work this morning that, 7 years ago today, I peed on a stick and found out that,* ready or not, here baby comes!*
We had a lot working against us at the time (now-husband out of work and would be for another YEAR, living in a small apartment, me working a really stressful job with horrific hours), but it all came together well. Well enough that we ended up having a second. I would love to get pregnant again, but I’m too old (and poor and prone to PPD and whatever else we can throw in there) to consider it.
That sounds familiar. I tell people that we only had kids to cover up the fact that we already had nonexistant social lives anyway. We *like *being home, hanging out, doing mundane things. So we had our first when I was 26 when we had been married 4yrs. #2 came along two years later, and we’re discussing a third now.
I don’t think there’s a book to read up on for now. You’re doing all the standard recommended things - vitamins, good diet, exercise. My midwives do local “10 things to know/do before conceiving” classes, and that’s pretty much the gist of it.
You know, baby sweaters are one of the best ways to expand your knitting skills. They’re small, so they work up quickly, and gauge isn’t so important because they grow so quickly that they’ll fit it eventually.
I don’t know how reliable this info is, but the stats here say that 70% will have conceived after 6 months, 86% after 12 months, and 95% after 2 years. An average time of 2 years doesn’t sound right to me.
I think a general rule of thumb is that if you are under 30 (which I believe you are), you don’t need to see your doctor until you have been trying for about 18 months, so don’t get too stressed if you are at 8 months and nothing. Once you are off the pill, it could take you a while to get back to a regular cycle, and it will definitely take a while for you to figure out your cycle and pinpoint when you’re ovulating (there are lots of resources out there to help with this).
Although not a parent (we’ve been trying over 2 years!), we knew we were ready to try when we realised that we weren’t going to get any more ready than we already were. Finances didn’t really come into it (although we both have good jobs and own our own home). I think you just know.
Good luck with your endeavours. It’s fun when you start trying - I just hope it works out for you quickly.
Too true! Now it can be “Oh sorry, no babysitter!” Instead of our usual “We’re bums and we don’t feel like leaving the house today, see ya!”
I was just thinking that I should try knitting something fun for my niece as a practice. Maybe a Yo Gabba Gabba green striped sweater to learn to do two colors (She loves Brobie). Any beginner patterns you could recommend?
I think it’s telling that the past two days since reading these responses and making up my mind, I’ve been super-excited. My husband thinks it’s cute.
I appreciate the stats Neeps, that’s pretty interesting. I think I’m just worried I’m going to find out I have something wrong with my ovaries or something. I have had cysts and irregular periods, but no PCOS or endometriosis as far as my doctors think. So hopefully it goes well.
It’s hard not to worry, especially if you think that there might be issues. Getting pregnant can be one of life’s more stressful events. However, it’s good that you already have a handle on some possible issues, as gathering information and getting tests can be a time consuming process, and if you do have problems (fingers crossed you don’t!) you are already one step ahead.
Still, it does seem to be Sod’s Law that those that think they are going to have problems get pregnant immediately, and those that think it’ll be a breeze don’t. You have that on your side (not very scientific, I’m afraid!)
Also, you do realise that now that you have announced this on here, you are going to have to keep us all updated on your progress
