He’d only be fabricating if he was pretty much blind - I guess you’d say suffering from a visual impairment situation in L.A. Mind you, the blokes who can’t see who’s in Stall 1 from Stall 5 are probably the ones who pee all over your seat and floor when they come visiting.
Not saying you can only attract visually challenged blokes, at all - just aiming to get something relevant more or less on target.
Right! Which is part of my suspicion about a story that says:
“So I’m in the bathroom at the blah blah awards, and there’s no one else in there. I go to the farthest urinal. Someone else comes in and takes the urinal next to me. I look over and it’s [some guy whose name I should remember, but don’t, but who’s some Hollywood guy, but not Tom Green, Tom Sizemore or Tom Cruise, but thanks for trying, VegemiteMoose]. And he sees me looking over at him and says, blah blah.”
The last blah, blah, is actually an “uplifting” story about how celebrities are people too, only told in coarse terms and using a certain body part as a metaphor.
I think that this story is likely false, and just a way to show off how cool this guy is. But I guess what I’m hearing is that it could be true – two guys could be in the bathroom, standing next to each other at urinals, looking at each other and each other’s equipment, and chatting.
I still think it’s b.s., though. This is LA; everyone has their I-met-a-celebrity story. I just think 99% of them are false.
Heh. That would have cracked me up if that was the story.
I disagree. The stall is the refuge of last resort. There’s something a little weird about guys that pee in the stall unnecessarily. Stalls should be left alone for those poor souls who need to shit in a public restroom.
The whole point in urinal selection, IMHO is to appear as if you are not playing this moronic game, when in fact, everyone is playing it. That’s why I’ll always go for 3 or 4 in this situation. Really, three is the proper call, cuz it leaves 5 open for the next guy that walks in. 4 is a bit of a left-handed play, but I think it’s still acceptable, and I’ll still go that way occasionally, just to keep things fresh. I think that going for 5 right away gives away a slight paranoia about the whole bathroom situation.
This may be a dumb game, but it’s really about just being polite. Everyone has their own person space requirements, and it’s not too unreasonalbe to expect that space requirement will increase when someone’s standing in a public place with their cock in their hand. Just don’t play 2 until you’re forced to.
I use the stalls whenever possible. It’s bad enough that I’ve got to use a public restroom, I’d at least like to do my business alone.
I think calling it the ‘bathroom’ gives away the paranoia. That, and wittering on about ‘personal space’.
I must confess to watching America’s Funniest Home Videos (what dreck) on the weekend. My daughter was watching it (she likes dreck), so I thought I’d share some ‘quality time’ (HAH! another dreadful cliche) with her by watching along, and voting for our favourites, etc. Anyway, there was this woman who’d trained her dog to do various tricks. So he does a) (can’t remember what it was, but fairly humdrum - the sort of thing I’d do if you threw me a biscuit) and he does b) (ditto). Then - whisper it softly, like she did - the housewife says very rapidly under her breath like she was doing something truly and incredibly naughty: “lick your penis!” And the mutt dives down and appears to obey the command. All too fast for the naked eye, and no slo-mo for this one.
I mean really, for goodness sake (or sakes, whatever you guys say). First, don’t gobble it; if you’re going to break social mores, do it with a bit of panache - watch a French porno or something. Second, “lick your cock/dick/dong/schlong!”…anything else but penis. Or did you intend to educate the audience of AFHV - and, you Americans are such mixed-up nutters wrt sex, your poor dog too - with your routine.
I think you underestimate the number of people who use the stall. Personally, I don’t mind using urinal 2 or 4 if need be, but I’ve noticed a lot of people prefer to use the stall. It’s kind of interesting, psychologically – I’ve read in other places about how even as our society becomes (supposedly) more and more sexually liberal, we’re becoming more and more paranoid about any display of our own bodies, even in (especially in?) non-sexual situations. I guess trough-style urinals used to be very common; then it became individual urinals; then there were dividers; maybe in another few decades urinals will disappear and we’ll only have individual stalls. Similarly, group showers (in high school PE or the gym) used to be the norm, but they’re fast diappearing in favor of individual shower rooms.
Was it Elijah Wood?
No?
Peter Coyote?
No?
Don Johnson?
No?
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I think it’s out of my system now.
I will say that the only times I’ve had someone start talking to me in a multi-urinal bathroom have been at bars. Along the lines of “You don’t buy beer, you rent it. Ha-ha”, “Geez the music’s loud eh?” Stuff like that. Except this one time and I started it. Well a friend started it. We were at a pub style bar in Toronto and I went upstairs to use the bathroom. I’m standing there doing my stuff, I look up directly in front of me and burst out laughing so hard I was afraid I was going to spray the guys beside me. But I can’t stop!
My friend had gone up before any of us. We all worked at the same place and he had taken a photograph of the staff, cut out the head of our disliked boss, photocopied it and taped a copy of it on the wall above every urinal. Evil, funny bastard! I had to then explain my maniacal outburst to the other, puzzled patrons.
Nope, but you jogged my memory. Joe Pesci. The alliterative quality of “Joe Pesci’s penis” came back to me. I hope it leaves again soon.
We had group baths after rugby. At my school, you could only get three in each bath (crossways, with legs dangling over the edges). Other schools were more advanced, with these really large communal things, which you might occasionally see on British telly. All 30 players would pile into these. Those were the days.
“Let me understand this cause, I don’t know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but my penis is funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? My penis amuses you? It makes you laugh… it’s here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How is my penis funny?”
But surely he was using the kiddies’ urinal. Better explain for you women that that’s the one they install much lower. (Okay, some places provide a stool-like thing to stand on, but I guess they’re easy to nick, so don’t get too mnay of this type.) Sometimes when I’m feeling skittish. or bored, I’ll fire into the urinalette (or Children’s Bathroom Comfort Zone, as you guys probably call it) for the different kinds of challenges it offers angle- and washback-wise.
Notice how I always seem to follow Marley into the restroom, anyone? Actually, I think he’s following me from in front, like some guys do on the roads. You know, so intent on covering eveyr move the fellow behind them makes that they end up crashing into something ahead.
Which is exactly why I always try to get a stall.
Wouldn’t do you much good where I work. The “doors” stand 12 inches off the floor and only extend to a height of 5’6". Not much personal space here, I can tell you.
I use the disabled bog. Proper door, proper ventilation - you can read a chapter in peace before some bozo starts banging on the door.
With his fists. With his fists…
[semi-hijack]
Why don’t people just build urinals further apart?
[/semi-hijack]
Defies the purpose of space-saving devices, I guess, mate.
Og bless the internet! Here are more photo’s of urinals than you can shake a … stick at. From mundane to really amazing. Ever wondered what the urinal on the International Space Station looked like? Then check out the top ten list here. And check out the photo in this Snopes article.
[sub]Also, apologies to saorise for nabbing Peter Coyote from post #3[/sub]
As far as I’m concerned, there are 4 cardinal rules of urinals:
Thus looking over and seeing a celebrity would be a clear violation of the third rule.
As a slight hijack, I once went into a bathroom and saw a guy pissing in a urinal with both hands up behind his (real) head. That seemed strange. Anyone else ever do or see this? Why would anyone use no hands. It’s not like riding a bicycle.
If the bathroom’s empty or mostly empty, i’ll pick the urinal with the least piss on the floor. Etiquette be damned, i don’t want piss on my shoes if i can help it.
I’ve noticed the farther you get from the door, the less piss there is on the floor. I’m assuming this is cause men are lazy, and just pick the first one available.
I’ll occassionally see guys doing the no-hands thing (usually with their hands on their hips). I have to admit it annoys me – feels like they’re showing off somehow. What the hell? Don’t they end up dribbling on their pants without a hand to guide the stream??