Dopers over 45: what would you tell your 35-year-old self?

In My Humble Opinion
1

There have been some “what would you tell your younger self” threads before, I think, but they always skew young: what would you tell your innocent-child self, your horny-adolescent self, your naive-college-student self, etc. This is normal – after all, who is long on chutzpah but short on wisdom if not the young? And so eager for advice from their elders, too…

Anyway, I’m 38, and today I was wondering what my 48-year-old self would say to me. (“Join a gym,” probably.)

If you’re mid-40s or above, what would you say to you-in-your-mid-30s? And would you-in-your-mid-30s listen?

2

a) Buy a shitload of Apple stock in a couple of years when it looks like they’re going down the tubes in a big way.

b) You know all that email you’ve got in America Online, the “Old Mail”? Well, you might want to save a copy of all that to disk, they’re gonna change policies and all but the most recent “Old Mail” is gonna disappear into the ether

c) Speaking of AOL, keep your eyes out for something called “The Straight Dope”. Not just yet, but in a couple years, I think. Be sure to switch to the flat-rate payment option before you start hanging out there, though.

3

Things look bleak, but keep sluggin.

And check out alternative education, like CLEP tests or tech certificates.

4

“Spend more time with Dad - he’s only got a few more years.” :frowning:

5

:slaps younger self:

WHAT THE @#$%%&*!! WERE YOU THINKING?!?

I’m 35 now, but I’m sure I’ll do something I’ll regrert later.

6

  1. To hell with that job. It’s driving you crazy. Change fields and do something you enjoy.

  2. Buy land, preferably lakeshore. Don’t worry, in 10 years you’ll triple your money.

  3. If you haven’t yet maxed out your retirement savings, do so!

7

I was going to post my own but your’s translates nicely. I wasted 25 years at the same company jumping from jobs I hate to jobs I hate just as much. Dear self, it was the company/line of business that sucked. Bail while your wasteline is thin. I’m getting laid off soon and am thrilled at the idea. And I’d tell my twenty something self not to buy a new car until the house was paid off (which I finally did).

8

Run away and hide! Now!

But seriously… things will get better. Or at least more interesting.

9

Motorcycles are dangerous. And if I didn’t listen to an older me I’d have to be an idiot.

10

Start an exercise program!!! Right now!!! There’s an all-night place somewhere!

Love your parents/in-laws. No matter how much they irritate you at the moment.

Take time to pet the kittens. Even if they are not your kittens. And if they are not your kittens, why not?

Be nice to your feet.

11

what would you tell your 35-year-old self?
The time will go by a lot faster than you can imagine. Relish each day. But guess what? You’re going to like what’s ahead for you.

12

Hmm: exercise, investment, and alternative education. That’s what I thought.

Thanks to all who have responded so far. I’ve been in the mood to hear some wisdom.

13

Speaking as a 35-year old, this is a GREAT idea for a thread. I’m looking forward to the rest of the responses.

14

This one is easy. The age of my younger self is perfect for this advice.

Hey, you! That woman you’ve known (in the literal sense) for over five years and (in the biblical sense) for a couple months? Yes, she’s the one, but enjoy the time you have with her because, you know what? You won’t have fifty years like you’ve been fantasizing about or even the twenty-five years you’re figuring is more obtainable. You’ve got six – that’s it, just six, but they’ll be the happiest years of your life. Better study up now on how to be a better rock for her when she needs you to be one.

Actually, I sort of knew it at the time – the happiest part, not the dead part – and I tried to tell her at least once a day that I loved her. She didn’t say it back all that often, but the way her eyes would light up was all the reward I needed.

DD

15

Just imagine, for a moment, that you were going to die soon, but someone said that before you go, you can do anything you want and have any happiness you choose to have. What choices would you make?

Well, guess what? You don’t have to imagine it, because this is exactly the situation you’re in. Anything that has ever distracted you from this truth is well worth ignoring.

There will come a day when, no matter how much you may want to, you just can’t do all the things you’d like to do, such as travelling and seeing the world, or being madly in love, or setting up your own business, or learning to play jazz piano, or going to the Grand Canyon just to paint a picture of it, or taking a bath with your clothes on just for a laugh, or writing that book, or throwing a party for everyone you love, or growing an orchid, or trampolining, or meeting your hero, or learning Italian, or baking your own bread.

Sooner or later, either your body just won’t be strong enough any more, or your mind will start to go (or both!). Even if you do your very best to look after yourself and keep yourself alert and active and youthful, sooner or later this day will come. When it does come, you can either look back and say, ‘Damn it, all I really did was go to the office and watch TV and take the days for granted… and now there are so many things I wish I’d done, and now I can’t, and it’s too late. It’s just too late’. Or you can say, ‘Who cares?! I’ve done just about everything I ever wanted to do, I’ve ticked more or less every box on my list, and I took my chances and enjoyed the party while I could. I’ve had one hell of a time, and now that I’m on the way out… who cares?!’.

Your choice.

If there are things you want to do, places you want to go, experiences you want to have, things you’d like to try, people you’d like to meet, dreams you’d like to live, then now’s a pretty good time, because later… well, ‘later’ just might be too late.

16

Alternative education.
After 36, the hot babes and jobs get exponentially harder to get.
Start dyeing your hair now, so that when you need it jet black for a job interview, the job that you’re currently at doesn’t rag on you.
Lose all of your friends.
Your mouth shuts and your ears don’t.
If somebody disses you in public, you need not respond, even if you can take them apart.

17

  1. "Your marriage is not going to get any better…take your daughter and run!

  2. Save more money.

  3. Start taking yoga.

18

Self, your number is coming up. I know you won’t believe this now, but in two years, your wife is going to come into your life. Stop laughing! It’s true. The hard slog is almost over. Your whole situation is going to do a hard 180 and you will get some of that which you have always wanted. You’ll be leaving this place, and going somewhere really nice. Don’t do anything stupid; you’re going to need your unblemished record when you find out where you’re going and what you will be doing.

In the not-too-distant future, all this will be like a black-and-white movie you saw once, where all of a sudden, it turns to Technicolor. Trust me. I’m you, right? So hang on. Learn how to do the happy dance. You’ll have reason to want to. P.S.: you won’t win the lottery, but you won’t be poor anymore.

19

Enjoy your children even though they can be irritating. In ten years, there off on their own and you will miss them.

My Mom told me this when I was in my thirties, but it’s hard to truly understand until it happens.

20

Personally, I was in pretty good shape at 35 - happily married, and still am, just had second and last kid. So the only thing I would say is:

When your stock gets to 60 - sell everything shmuck and put it in the bank!