Dopers who are Married without Children: a few questions

In My Humble Opinion
21

Planning on having children?
Yes and no. When we met 12 years ago, Ms. Lorenzo wanted 2-3 kids and I wanted zero or less. Married five years now, I’m leaning more towards having kids and she’s leaning away.

What age to have first child?
Probably before Ms. Lorenzo turns 40.

Concerns besides birth defects?
Energy, money, sacrifices, life-style changes, whether Ms. Lorenzo should continue working, etc.

Factors affecting decision:
We both love kids but also love our current freedoms and flexibilities.

22

I’m 31 & Mrs. AG is 35, and at this point, we’ve pretty much ruled out kids. We haven’t said anything definitive to friends/family (becuase “you never know”, especially with <ahem> accidents), but psychologically, we’re pretty much there.

I think if we were to consider it later, we would definitely have second thoughts because of the health & safety issue. We’d need to want kids really bad, and I don’t see that happening.

The factors that led to this decision were pretty simple: Money, time, freedom.

Money = We’re pretty financially secure and enjoy our modest lifestyle, but a child would be an enormous financial responsibility. Right now, my wife makes a very good living, but she plans on retiring early and/or pursuing something more in the non-profit sector later. She also hasn’t found her calling like I have, but if her calling doesn’t pay much (as mine doesn’t), we still want her to be able to pursue it without becoming dependant on her current income. With a kid, this would be extremely difficult.

Time = We find we have a hard enough time finding enough leisure time to spend together, and when we do, we resent it when obligations (housework, errands) have to get in the way. With a kid? Forget it.

Freedom = Related to time. We love travel and we love going to movies. We just went on a trip to South Africa and are going to Thailand in a couple of months. Think we could manage that with a kid? Uh-uh. We’d vacation less, see less while we were there, and make compromises on what we could do. Also, as a film archivist, movies are my life. I see 3-5 movies/week on average. Think that wouldn’t change?

Ultimately, we’re very happy with our life. We understand some people need/really want kids and find a sense of fulfillment/completion with them. Good for them. All the parents we know love their kids, but are constantly exhausted, never go anywhere, and seem a little more stressed about, well, everything.

I think we’ll pass.

23

Jim and I are 33 and 35 respectively, getting married next month (hope that close enough for your poll, Lorenzo :D), and have no plans to have kids. In fact, I have plans to sterilize one of us in the near future (I think Jim is sleeping with one eye open these days). I have never wanted kids, when Jim considered it he wasn’t interested in being a parent, and we just don’t have any interest in having any.

Age actually is a factor in this decision, as well as our inclination to not want children. At 35, I’m aware that my most fertile, healthy-baby-producing years are behind me, regardless of what the modern ideas of pregnancy say. My body (and eggs, for that matter) is older and more tired, and even thinking about having a baby at this point makes me exhausted. And there’s the age factor of the child; if I had a baby now, I would be 36 before I delivered, I would be 41 when the child started school, and I would be 53 when the child finished school. To me, this is just plain too old. I consider having babies and raising children a young woman’s game.