Double dactyls

Higgledy piggledy,
Haikus are simply the
Poems that require the least
Effort to write.
So I propose a test:
Witness my grand behest!
A Double-dactylic
Poetry fight!

Higgledy Piggledy,
Frankly it seems to me
Most folks know in what form
These poems come.
If you don’t know this, then
Quite simply check this scan:

Here’s a few samples to get the ball rolling. (I didn’t write these.)

Higgeldy piggeldy,
President Jefferson
Gave up the ghost on the
Fourth of July.

So did John Adams, which
Shows that such patriots
Know how to die.

Higgamus Hoggamus
“Anton Von Leewenhoek
Has a small problem,” con-
Fided his wife.

Doesn’t disturb me; his
Blighting my life!”

Higgelvich Piggelvich
Anna Karenina
Russian romanticist
cracked under strain:
caused her to tragically,
catch the next train.

And one of mine: this will only make sense to those who follow Canadian political scandals.

Peppergate Peppergate,
APEC notes demonstrate
Parliament Hill is the
Party at fault;
Still, the PM and Sol-
Icitor General
Claim they’re not guilty of
Pepper assault.

(Of course I wrote this in 1997 or 1998, when Andy Scott was still the Solicitor General.)

I’m buoying this thread in the hopes that someone sees it.

Poems anatomical,
Dopers poetical,
Are in the gender-
specifical threads

So, keeping it cleanish
(instead of obscenish)
Because matt is lonely,
I’ll post here instead


Surely there’s people who
Know what there is to do
Far better than I since
I’m drunk off my ass

Certainly poetry
Has some appeal for me
Though I am a poster
Who’s lacking in class

These double-ish dactyls
Remind me of fractals
Quite pretty to look at
But a pain in the ass

I like ‘em, goddammit
But I fear I would sham it
Since I can’t contribute
I fear I must pass

My meter’s capricious
Though I’m quite delicious
I tried all my hardest
As best as I could

I know that I failed, hell,
At least I sure meant well
And Matt will sure laugh hard
And well that he should

Higgledy Piggledy,
Random and Gaudere
Wrote lots of poems a-
Musing and quaint,
Sparkling and witty and
They made me laugh, although
True double dactyls they
Certainly ain’t.

let’s get topical!

Higgledy Piggledy,
Breaking up Microsoft
Is what poor Billy Gates
Now has to fear.
Looks like he’ll only make
Hundreds of millions, not
Ten to the power of
Twelve every year.

Higgledy Piggledy,
Adrienne Clarkson’s our
Governor General
In Rideau Hall.
If you don’t think she’s in-
Sightful politically,
Hey, she is married to
John Ralston Saul.

These aren’t original; just old ones from my bag o’ tricks:

Tiddely Quiddely
Edward M. Kennedy
Quite unaccountably
Drove in a stream.
Pleas of amnesia
Possibly shattered
Political dream.

Chivalry, Schmivalry!
Roger the thief has a
method he uses for
sneaky attacks:
Folks who are reading are
Always forgetting to
Guard their own bac …

Okily Dokily
Would say Ned Flanders as
Simpson (that’s Homer)
Would tell him to leave

I that this isn’t too
Sad or contemptable
Pop culture is something
That leaks from my brain

Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.

Jimminy Crimminy!
How could a dactyl be
So entertaining when
Nobody’s posting them?
Maybe the problem is
Nobody’s meter is
Quite up to speed or that
Doubling dactyls is
Awkward, uncomical,
Headache inducible,
Numbing to brain tissue,
Oh, let it die, will you?

Higgledy pigglede-
Johnny, you need to take
Some other tack:
For the last line you need
Use but one anapest,
Then a spondee, and then
stop, tabernac!

Morès o tempora!
Here a bewailment of
Current poetical
Manners and times;
Anapests swarm throughout
These double dactyls, but
Utterly innocent
Of any rhymes.

Why do I experiment
When matthew my inexpert
Meter steps on?

'Cause no one will see this,
It beats watching Regis,
And football is over –
There’s nothing else on!


Higgledè piggledè,
I feel stùpid todày,
It would sèem I got mý
Feet mixed ùp in my hèad;
In the vèrses I wròte
Only jùst now abòve,
Please read dàctyl for àn-
Apest. Ì’m goin’ to bèd.

Higgledy piggledy,
Plainly for all to see,
Opened my mouth I, and
Inserted my shoe;
Late 'tis, fatigue set in;
I’m in a state of sin.
Please, o Catrandom, please
Pardon me, do.