Dick Haiku

I was watching some celebrity roast on Comedy central (I think it was for Drew Carrey) and Margaret Cho was doing some Haiku about his dick… struck me as funny (in a juvinile vodka addled moment).

So let’s hear some good dick haiku

The rising bed sheet
Lifted as by a tent pole
It was just my dick

In constant rain showers
Take shelter under my dick
because it is large

Nothing in the world like awfule haiku is there?
I’m really not a troll, really i’m not…

Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.

Summoned to service
Purple headed warrior
Will answer the call.

Released from darkness
The one-eyed monster seeks out
Warmth in a new cave

Penis o penis
Heat seeker, mind controller
Take a break, will 'ya?!?

All of the losers
Will watch you count down to 12
Will you ever die?

Oops, wrong Dick

All of the women
Will watch you harden to 12
Who am I kidding?

“Trying is the first step towards failure.” Homer Simpson

Brilliant, Stevie!

Touch it just like that
Oh yes, Oh God, Oh Yes, Oh…
Someone get a towel

Yer pal,

You call that a dick?
I’ve smoked bigger joints than that.
Put that thing away.

Your dick needs relief
Your right hand will have to do
Get off the bus first
That a roll of dimes
In your pocket, or are you
Just glad to see me?
Look at yours and mine
There is no comparison
Get out of my stall!

Snow-capped in summer;
I cannot see the summit.
Damn, my dick is huge.

As I whip it out
they all start to laugh out loud
“Put it back”, they yell

I’m bigger than you
I swear it, get a ruler!
Wait, better bring two!

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
\/-------\ | |-----| |

No,really,my friend
I know it’s just been awhile
Rest. I’ll make coffee.

His dick emerges
Ready to do its duty
Ha ha! Hair trigger!

God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
Neitzsche is God. -Dead

And now for something completely different:

Comfy chair dispair
Bulging springs make my ass hurt
There is no justice

Almost forgot…

That was stolen from Scott Christensen: http://www.ewav.com

Dispair, despair what’s the difference?

Where’s George when you need him?


Die, foul crouton!

Some words for dick are
shlong, wang, pecker, or penis
if you’re medical

It jumps, dances, spits
If you’re nice it will salute
What a scalawag

Sometimes when I wake
My hard-on is so massive
I could pole vault. Yup

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

You say “Water’s cold”
From this bridge on which we stand
I’m bigger, “It’s deep”

Struggle to be free
The pain, it is intense
Caught in pubes again

Yer pal,

By the way, wouldn’t “Dick Haiku” be an excellent pseudonym for a punk rocker?

God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
Neitzsche is God. -Dead

You know, Neuro, I think that’s what I will change my name to. Since I am under 30 and in Seattle I have to be in a band.

Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.

Your sig fits way too well with this topic, BurnMeUp, so I’m using it for my haiku.

Greatly to be praised
Magnificent to behold
We all worship Dick.