@Dung_Beetle My mom had been good about getting rid of stuff. But she kept every bill, every scrap of paper. It took me about two weeks to go through it and shred it.
But do understand, I know it’s hard. I did find some cool stuff, like a hand draw map of their adventure in Europe in the 50’s. I’m gonna frame it.
I hadn’t really thought about it they way you’ve laid it out, but in reading, I think you’ve captured my position quite well. I’m not at that “trapped” stage, but having already done a lot of the work for downsizing, and still finding myself thinking, “Oh, man, that’s a lot of work…”, I could see in a few years being stuck like that. I guess I unconsciously figured this out.
As I said, I’ve been thinking about this move for a while now. I almost bought a place in the Spring, but it got sold just as I was about to put in an offer. This past summer, every time I was stuck doing some yard work thing, I was grumbling in the back of my mind, “If I had been able to buy that place in April, I wouldn’t be doing this right now!” It really highlighted how over I am of all this extra “house” stuff.
This is my mom and stepdad but it’s mom’s fault. They’re going to leave me and my sister with a giant pile of crap in a way too big house. We begged her to downsize and throw out stuff. Aside from the rest of your excellent post, it’s selfish to leave a crapton of work to your heirs. Just half a day of work once a week and you’ll be done in no time.
We just lost my Aunt and even her 1 bedroom apartment was a lot of work to empty. She probably should have been in assisted living for years but like many clung to the familiar. I know we’re getting too old to do this work.
My Mom’s & Dad’s was larger and that was a lot of work also. At least they had some assistance and place wasn’t a disaster. I was also 5 years younger and not recovering from radiation treatments.
These last two posts raise another excellent point.
When most folks died in their 60s, the next generation cleaning out their overstuffed house was in their 40s. Nowadays with many folks living into their 90s, the next gen doing the clean-out are in their 70s. And houses are bigger and there’s more stuff.
That’s a darn mean thing to do to a 70yo.
There are grocery delivery options available now. For me the nearest grocery store is 9 miles away but it is a small higher priced store in a town of 1500 people, so unless I just want to pick up a few items I usually drive 30 miles away where there is a Walmart and a couple grocery chains. But the point is that Walmart started delivering to my area last year. You might check out if Walmart delivery is available in your area. While their Walmart+ subscription service for $100/year includes free delivery for $35+ orders, people usually tip as they pay their independent contractors fairly marginal payments. Likewise check out the various grocery chains, Instacart and other third party services to see what delivery services they offer to your location.
My parents’ house is full of stuff; multiple sets of fine china, crystal, ceramic knickknacks, small figurines, furniture, oriental rugs, decades of clothing, etc. My mother says “This is good stuff. You should want it. You should take some of it.” She tried to offer me some of my late father’s shirts, saying, “You should be proud of your father.” But I don’t need his shirts any more than I need the Wedgewood china. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get her to get rid of stuff. And much of it, even the stuff that was high-quality decades ago, has little value today. No one wants a fancy set of bone china with twelve place settings. So in my own place, I am already trying to have as little as possible, taking occasional trips to Goodwill to get rid of stuff.
I do not plan on prolonged infirmity. Very explicitly rather than position myself on the assumption that I will have a prolonged period of increasing disability I instead invest in regular exercise and other healthy habits that make such significantly less likely, that goal of compressing morbidity. Health trajectory right now is stable. Examples among family and friends? None of people trapped infirm in their home. Both my parents went down fast when they went down. Not sudden but no prolonged infirmity. My father in law died suddenly. My mother in law age 89 has been living in her house and is now able to, without huge tumult, arrange to move to an assisted living community opening up soon near where my brother in law lives.
Maybe your experience has a selection bias? Many age well without prolonged disabilities.
The condo experiment was taken on with aging in place one floor living in mind. It was a mistake for us. Much better to live in what is our preferred set up for now, a smaller house, until and unless it is clear that we soon cannot. Open to it if such happens.
You should take some of it….and then donate it or throw it away.
That would still leave several dumpster loads worth of stuff,
We donated at least 20 SUV loads. And a bunch of our stuff too.
I’m lucky my mom is willing to downsize! My brother, a year younger than me, is more of a problem. He’s very resistant to change. I could have gotten rid of all Grandma’s living room furniture, hideous white stuff with painted flowers and gold accents, in poor condition. But this 54 year old construction worker thinks he “might want it”. 
I know there are options here, but I’m not ready to let someone else pick out my groceries. How can some stranger possibly know which cucumber will be better in my salad?? Fortunately, my daughter lives fairly close, and there’s also the possibility that I’ll continue to be mostly independent till my grandkids can drive.
I’ve got 3 boxes comprising much of a 12 place set plus serving pieces that belonged to my MIL. Even if I liked fancy china, I don’t like this particular pattern and I have no place to put it anyway. She hauled it from house to house for more than 60 years and over the 40+ years we were invited to dine at their house, I think we ate off it twice - maybe?
The thrift stores don’t want it. The company that deals in china pieces never responded to me (three inquiries unanswered.) I was thinking of contacting a B&B or a tea room to see if they might be interested.
Put an ad in Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist. First you might try it for some money; and if no one wants it put it in the free section.
Agree. Craigslist Free has been great for me to give away old furniture and appliances
It’s difficult for my mother to understand that even though much of this stuff is high quality and was expensive at the time, it’s not worth much of anything any longer. Few people want or need fine china or Oriental rugs or much of the rest of the stuff.
I put a Free ad in FB Marketplace. We shall see how it goes.
You’re definitely doing everything sensible to extend your healthspan. Something many people do not. I’m currently guilty of talking about doing the right thing a lot more than I’m doing doing the right thing. You’re certainly right that extended infirmity is not unalterable destiny.
IMO the value of my condo experience is simply having seen a bunch of folks go through their late in life changes at a concentrated rate. For many of us, own own parents are the only example we get. Some of the condo folks did things that worked well for them. Others less so. Some got lucky. Others less so. Other than somebody in the elder services business, I’ve had the benefit of an unusually large sample size to learn from. A biased sample? Of course it somewhat was. And I was emphasizing the bad outcomes, glossing over the good ones.
My meta-point was that IMO / IME the horror stories come from a pattern of pretending you won’t get old, pretending you won’t get sorta infirm, not making incremental arrangements towards easier, etc.
Many of the posters here in this thread and some in your other anti-retirement thread can see their parents or other older generations folks doing that now. In addition to the condo folks I also got earfuls of that story from my pilot co-workers over the years dealing with their parents.
What had struck me was how many folks knew their parents or neighbors were messing up, but somehow said and acted like they were certain that same age-related laziness & difficulty with change simply wasn’t going to happen to them.
It’s evidently a blind spot for a lot of people.
I think to some extent that depends on what you mean by prolonged disabilities and the details of your current living situation. You don’t have to have actual disabilities to end up feeling trapped. My mother is 85 and is living mostly independently (my sister lives in the other apartment of a two family house so there is help if she needs it) . She walks to do her grocery shopping and to a senior center and to her doctor appointments. But she wouldn’t be able to live in a house with the bedrooms and the only bathroom on the second floor and the laundry in the basement - she can do stairs once, maybe twice a day but that’s it. She wouldn’t be able to take care of a yard ( we all live close enough do it for her) and she wouldn’t be able to manage in a car-dependent area because she absolutely shouldn’t drive. Under different circumstances, she would have to move - but she absolutely wouldn’t do it before she had no choice. Because way too much of her self- image is tied up in having lived in this house since she was 14.
What kind of rugs? Hand knotted made of wool or silk are definitely highly desired imo.
Even costume jewelry from decades past can be valuable to a collector or lover of vintage stuff.
Sets of china and silver plate, well depends on taste. I use MIL’s noritaki teacups to scoop cat fud and provide extra cups water for the felines. They also eat off metlox California pottery from the fifties. Almost daily I use either my moms or grandmothers and great Aunts silver plate from the nineteen twenties. They’re stored in their original rosewood boxes, stayed bright and shiny for a hundred years. I almost tossed them out horrors!
I’m pretty sure the kids will want most of the furniture, one wants a couple pieces like yesterday.
The garage, my SO’s domain, will require its own estate sale I fear.
I’d love to build a new house with main floor living. Sure as shit won’t be moving everything I own into it.