An older neighbor I grew up next to just sold their house to move into a condo since they couldn’t keep up with all the home maintenance. My dad talks about moving to assisted living or senior apartments if he can’t keep up with the house.
What all did everyone do to adjust their living situations as they got older (or people you know), and how did it work out?
Did a lot of people move in with their adult kids? Did you leave behind the house you raised kids in and buy a smaller house and live independently? Did you switch to senior apartments, assisted living, nursing homes, etc?
I made two major changes when I hit 70. After my divorce, I decided to spend 5 months out of the year living with my daughter and grandson. My daughter works full-time and has nobody to help her take care of an active 12-year-old boy. Being there to help out makes a big difference in her life. In addition, I now live in a relatively new zero-step house, which should have fewer problems and be easier to manage than an older home. It should also delay my going into an assisted living situation.
My mother lives in a house that is WAY too big and too high-maintenance for her needs. She realizes this but presently doesn’t want to deal with all of the faff, tsuris and hullabaloo associated with a move, even though she could easily afford to downsize and/or go to assisted living. She steadfastly insists that as soon as she thinks she needs to go to assisted living, she’ll make that phone call.
Meanwhile, my brothers are more than happy to care for her house and grounds. Mostly it gets them away from their annoying wife (one brother) and annoying kids (the other).
Last time I rented a place and worked was 7 years ago. Then I got in public housing, which is a third of your income or 25$ in my case. I cant imagine I could ever afford a regular apt with heat and electric not included.
You can hire people to do home maintenance if needed. And note when you do home maintenance you can always take a break when you get tired. I expect the majority of people stay in their own homes unless they either suffer a major physical or mental decline or want a change (tired of winter blizzards).
So what exactly do you mean by senior years? 65 years old plus–or a major physical/mental decline?
My octogenarian father and sibling each live in a house that is WAY too big and too high-maintenance for their needs. They do not acknowledge this, and their plan is to continue there, perfectly healthy, until they suddenly and conveniently drop dead.
This is, apparently, quite a common thing. I am sure I will be the same, despite being frustrated by watching it at the moment.
I’ve covered this before. We reached an epiphany at age 75. We owned our home outright and had decent retirement income, but had just had to lay out $25K in sewer repairs. I can fix a lot of things, but that ain’t one of them. Also, my left knee was giving me problems with stairs. The conversation drifted into what-ifs and we just came to the realization that if anything serious happened to us, we had nobody to rely on for help. Our neighbors were nice, but not close. My cousin who lived on the other end of the state had died and his wife owed us zippo. That reality check moved us to action. We sold our house for a ridiculous profit, shipped everything to MSP, where we are way closer to family, and moved into an apartment in a 55+ facility. My kids and my wife’s niece live 45 minutes away and I know we could rely on them if the need arose.
It’s been somewhat wrenching. We had to sell our RV, as we couldn’t find anyplace to store it, and we do miss Portland and especially the Oregon coast, but we feel safer here and will likely live out our remaining years here.
We’ve stayed where we are, but our house has no stairs (except a few from the garage and to the front porch.) Any big repairs we pay for. Most stuff I can still do myself at 73.
The only change I can see is to build an ADU in our backyard and to have one daughter, her husband, and her three kids move into the main house and have us move into the ADU. They would have to commit to staying here for a long time, which they’re not ready for yet. We can’t afford to sell now because of the capital gains. Not a problem I mind having.
My father-in-law at age 90 moved from his house after my mother-in-law died and into a nice senior living residence, with a fairly big living area and dinners provided. He lived there for 10 years. It had assisted living also, which he only needed after he hit 100. It was a great place.
So far we have not made any changes – I am 76, my husband is 77. Our house is about right for two people who don’t sleep in the same room. Our house is on three levels, if you count the back garden and the crawlspace/basement in which I have my workshop. I like having stairs, even though they have sometimes gotten more difficult as my arthritis flares up, because I feel sure that as soon as I stop climbing stairs every day, I will lose the ability to climb stairs at all. My husband has no mobility problems so far. I expect this situation to continue for at least another 5 years, or until something catastrophic happens to one of us, before anything like moving is considered.
I frankly dread moving, because there is so much stuff to get rid of. I have plans of downsizing junk constantly on a simmer on the back burner, but so far not much movement. It will be very difficult to convince my husband ever to move, maybe even if I die first, which I probably will. I can see him letting the rest of the house go while he shuffles between his bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, and the TV room. He especially loves the view out of the back side of the house.
If you feel like wading into the saga of my move to The Home, here’s a link to my latest thread. Contained in the OP are links to the two previous threads.
TL;DR. I’ll be 77 in November of this year. Two years ago I moved to a senior independent living residence. It’s a fabulous place to live and it was a good move for me.
Best advice: don’t wait too long to do this. Do it before it becomes necessary.
Among some of my older relatives, stairs are major issue when it comes to their housing situation. One aunt moved into a smaller home partly because it was all on one level. Another relative is considering moving because he has a heart condition and joint concerns, and going up and down the long flight of stairs in his place is a major effort.
My MIL, 89, is recovering amazingly well from a series of medical events that I had been really not thinking there was this good of recovery from being possible. So far she has been living in her house (rents out first floor during summer season and elevator to her space on the second) on a barrier island on the NJ shore, with an aide full time who she really no longer needs. Except for the fear of a fall when she goes to bathroom in the middle of the night. But in winter the island is pretty deserted. Scary if something happens. And lonely. She has just signed a contract for a soon to open assisted living facility very close to my brother in law. About an hour and a half from her beach house. Her plan is to still spend much of her summers at the beach house. I think she will thrive at the facility. The key will be the make up of the community. And fortunately the town that this facility is going to primarily draw from is on the blue to purple side. She would not thrive surrounded by Trumpers.
My wife and I, both 66, are not making any changes ourselves. Neither of us are thinking of retiring either. If a time comes that the stairs of our house become too big of a challenge then we will deal with choices then. Meanwhile we are planning on a kitchen and upstairs bath redo so we better stay here a while to enjoy it!
I’m am not as far along as some of the others here, but we live in a typical 2-storey suburban home in a typical suburban neighborhood. I’ve been gradually simplifying the outdoor maintenance by removing overgrown shrubs, laying a deck with pavers, trimming up the (now) mature trees. Inside we’ve done some recent upgrades to keep the infrastructure good for at least the next 15 years. But, it’s a 2-storey house, and when one of us starts having trouble with the stairs, we know it will be time to go. Likely to a senior apartment as we expect to be in our 60s or 70s by then anyway. If one of us dies before the stairs issue, then I am not exactly sure how that will go, TBH.
My in-laws stayed in their house nearby us until his dementia took him to a care facility, and then she couldn’t deal with the house by herself, so we sold the house and she moved into a senior apt where she is much better off than alone at that house.
I hope we get to decide when to go rather than have it forced on us.
I’m still in the “downsized” house I bought fifteen years ago, despite being far more physically decrepit than I was then, when I spent a week energetically cleaning out all the unneeded junk in the basement and filling up a full-size dumpster. And despite the house now being far bigger than I need. But I do indeed hire contractors for outdoor maintenance and my ever-faithful handyman brothers for any non-trivial needs. I have no choice.
I live in the house I bought in 1979. It’s small enough for two and the mortgage is paid off.
My parents also lived in the same house I grew up in. It was bigger, but my mother often had family stay over, so the extra bedrooms were useful. My paternal grandparents also remained in their house. Same for my wife’s parents.
My maternal grandmother moved from her apartment to a small house in the suburbs until she was unable to fend for herself.
We have 3 floors, with the washer and dryer in the basement. My in-laws, in their eighties, are in the same situation. Our mortgage is paid, and we like it here. It could be property taxes, driven by increasing housing prices rather than a high rate, that makes us consider moving.
We’re in our early 60s and when we bought our current house 4 years ago single floor living wasn’t a must have, but that’s the house we ended up buying. Upon reflection, it was a pretty good idea, we really like having a one story house.
I’m 72 and still live in the house I bought to be close to my work.
(I retired about 15 years ago.)
I have a gardener and a cleaning lady.
If I need work done, I have firms I trust (plumber, electrician, builder.)
As long as I can climb stairs, I’ll stay here.
I have investigated care homes nearby in case my health deteriorates.