I have two previous threads on my saga of displacement and resettling, if anyone cares to look back. I certainly don’t plan to – it was a difficult time. I reread some journal entries from the time of the move, Aug 4 to Sept 4, 2023 and can’t believe what a ordeal it was.
First thread, at the time of the move in 2023:
(BTW, The Dog referred to in the linked thread is still a problem. 
)
First anniversary of the move, 2024:
This First Anniversary thread is less painful to read. And I don’t plan to reread the whole thing. But issues that came up in the first few posts and that I refer to in the thread title are still something to grapple with, namely Living in a Community.
It is still true that this was the right move even though it was forced on me, and this independent living senior apartment facility is the best place for me to be at my age and circumstances (i.e., financially okay but not wealthy, and no family at all).
- NOTE: “Independent” living means no caregiving staff and the assumption is that residents do not need help with daily living tasks. As opposed to “assisted living,” where there are staff who help with mobility issues, bathing, dressing, etc. There no caregiving staff here unless a resident hires them to help post-surgery, for physical therapy, or the like.
The place itself is well-run and the management is extremely responsive to problems and quick to implement solutions. I really feel that the management of the whole organization (which has two other huge properties, both of them housing all levels of care), not just the executive director of our specific property is always looking for ways to improve our lives. Seriously. I attribute this to the fact that it is a faith-based, non-profit organization, created in the 1970s by three local churches. There is a strong sense of “mission” at all levels of service, as opposed to a strong sense of “cut corners and make a buck for our investors.” Even though it is faith-based, religion is not front-and-center around here. There aren’t crosses or crucifixes on all the walls or anything. A priest/minister conducts some services which are completely optional. I urge people who are searching for senior living communities to look first at non-profit organizations, not profit-making facilities. We have quite a few refugees from the latter who felt penny-pinched into fleeing.
But enough about The Home – let’s talk about me. I have reverted to my introverted self and don’t participate in community activities as much as I did. When I first arrived, having activities available was a novelty in my formerly isolated life. If you like to socialize, there are tons of opportunities. Some people here go to everything, and I say more power to them. I’m selective and will go if I think I’ll have a good time or learn something.
One of the best things is that no one bugs you to attend things or socialize, even though you are always welcome and made to feel welcome. No one says, “Why don’t we ever see you in the dining room?” or “Why don’t you ever come to happy hour?” There are some residents in my own building that I haven’t seen in months.
This is a friendly, tolerant, live-and-let-live community. If you need help, people will help with rides, feeding your pets, pick up your mail and packages, bring your lunch from the dining room if you don’t feel well. On your birthday, there will be tons of cards (and maybe cookies or cake) in your mail cubby. Because everyone here is of an age (entry age is 55), single, and has a variety of health issues, they know what you are going through. You will find plenty of awareness and the accompanying compassion. I would go so far as to say it is a loving community, but in a good way, not a buttinsky oppressive way. (Could anyone besides an introvert state it that way? )
Are there cliques? Not really, but people do hang out in the same groups and sit together. It surprised me how much the middle-schooler in myself will come out when Mary Lou and Helen sit together at some event and didn’t save me a place. 
Let’s face it, we’re all insecure 12-years old inside.
Is there gossip? If there is, then I’m not on that grapevine. A couple of “couples” have formed, and in our community of ~100, there are 12 men, 2 married couples, and 84 women (most of the women are widows). I’m aware of at least two gay women, don’t know about the men. A few people have died since I moved here, but that’s to be expected in a community like this.
I don’t eat in the dining room every day like I did at first. Again, the novelty of having someone prepare lunch has kind of worn off. Also I started to miss some of the things that I used to cook for myself, so I often get out the Instant Pot and fix something on the weekend. And I do go out, too, usually alone, not always. The dining room really can’t produce good Mexican food like you find in any one of the bazillion restaurants in San Antonio. <shrug> For people here who are very tight on money – and I know some are on the edge – not having to buy groceries or eat out or during the week is a godsend.
One of the best things: because this is a faith-based non-profit, there is a fund that offers a financial safety net. Once you’ve lived here three years if you run out of money you are eligible to have your rent paid from this fund. IOW they will not kick you out if you outlive your nest egg. This is a Huge Big Deal and something you should inquire about when you’re shopping for a Home. Unless you have boatloads of money that will never run out (some do who live here, not me). BTW, this is a month-to-month indefinite lease and there is no buy-in. I think the deposit to move in was $1,500. My monthly rent/lease is $2,300, which includes ALL utilities, internet, basic cable, and landline phone. Monthly housekeeping, which I do not use, as I have my own cleaner who has been coming to me for 12 years. Also two meals a day in the dining room five days a week (breakfast is just coffee & rolls, but the lunch is huge and many save half of it for dinner).
Bottom line: this is a great place and it was a good move. All of my neuroses, quirks, insecurities, anxieties, hyper-vigilance, obnoxiousness, sharp tongue, sensitivity, humor, introversion – all of that came along with the furniture, dishes, books, and boxes. “Wherever you go, there you are,” and all that.
As I’ve said before, the biggest mental obstacle to making a move like this is accepting that it is Time for You to Do It. The other major obstacle is downsizing, which usually amounts to disposing of or walking away from about half your possessions. Big ouch there, but it has to be done sooner or later. Best to do it when you’re still able-bodied and (mostly) compos mentis.
Kitty update!
Both cats have seem to adjusted to 100% indoor life. I keep one window in the living room open a few inches so they can at least breathe fresh air. They can look down a two bird feeders that I fill and dream of the days when they chased, caught, and dismembered the feathered creatures. The cats EC and Tikva still do not like each other, after 10 years of living together. They chase each other, fight, hiss – and no, they’re not playing. Sigh. Sometimes both of them will get up on the sofa with me and each one will pretend the other one is not there. And I’m alert to the first sign that I might become the Killing Field. But they’re doing fine. It’s such a relief to know where they are and that they’re safe. At the house, they were outside 20 hours out of 24 and It could be nerve-wracking.
Here are some pictures (clicking on the picture should take you to an album):
- Tikva in a nylon cat tunnel I got from Amazon. EC is lurking in the background. They don’t like it as much as I thought they would.
- EC in her favorite wicker trash can. I only put paper in there – never anything that might harm her.
- EC in an Amazon box. Since they never go out, I make a point of letting them hang out in Amazon boxes for a week or so. At least they get to smell something besides what’s in this apartment.
- EC in the tunnel.
- EC in my in-basket.
- Tikva in an Amazon box.
- One brief idyllic moment when they co-existed peacefully in proximity.
Don’t know why this preview is distorted, but the pics in the imgur album have the correct aspect ratio.
for you!
