Two weeks ago my landlord dropped a bomb on me. I’ve lived here 10 years and love this house and never planned to move. But he and wife are divorcing and one of them wants to move in here. <Insert weeping and gnashing of teeth>
I’ll be 75 in November. Yeah, I could look for another place, but the sensible thing to do is to move to an independent living facility that I’m very familiar with. It’s a great place, still in the same neighborhood (though it will be years before I can drive down this particular street again). Mucho affordable-- unbelievably so-- more on that in a bit. There are probably more story details in the doggy behavior thread that launched this one.
Today I decided on my move date: September 5-6.
I NEVER wanted to move! I love this place with every molecule of my being. But it’s done.
I was reluctant to start a thread because I don’t want anyone to be mean to me. I’m feeling stressed to the max and very fragile. However, people were so supportive in the other thread… and there are some things I would like suggestions about.
I’m not going to make this post super-long. I’ll ask questions in my next post. Please ask me questions, too, but be nice! Please don’t make me cry unless it’s in a good way.
Being a fan of most of the people involved, I watched the sitcom The Cool Kids which was about people in their 70’s living in an independent living facility. Up until seeing this show, I didn’t really know there were such places - I just kind of assumed there was assisted living and that’s it. The place where this show takes place actually looks a lot like the assisted living facility where my grandma is now, except the residents all live in apartments with kitchens and bedrooms and sitting rooms. My grandma just has what’s more akin to a hotel room.
Independent living seems more like an apartment complex that has a social director and centralized gathering places.
Anyway, I think the concept is pretty cool. My mom is 72 and we’re dealing with her health and being a widow and living alone and stuff. It’d be great for her to live somewhere like that. I just really like the idea of her being with others all day. She doesn’t live in a place like that because she’s like you - she has her house and she loves it!
But I’m super happy you got a great fallback since you have no option but to leave your house. And you know someone there (even though her dog is a nuisance). And you said in the other thread it’s affordable.
This is brave and smart and hard, and you deserve much praise for tackling it head-on. I wish my mother had done the same thing when she was 75 or so instead of having several years of falling, emergency hospital runs, not eating properly, social isolation, and more, all because she prized “independence” over everything else. She was adamant that she would know when it was time to move, but events moved more quickly than she did.
Another relative did much as you did and was much more able to preserve a real independence as a result. Kudos to you and all best wishes for what lies ahead.
My two cats are going to have to become inside cats. I know that’s better for the cats, but it will be an adjustment for all of us. Before I moved to the country in 1992, my cats were always strictly inside.
I’ve hired a moving company that specializes in downsizing for old people who move into facilities. They pack, move, unpack, put everything away, and take away the boxes-- over a period of two days. I used a company like this when I moved to this house and it was mind-blowing! At the end of the second day, you are all moved in and there are NO boxes. The company I’m using is quite familiar with the place I’m going to-- they’ve moved lots of people there.
It is a community with two meals daily on weekdays (if you want) in the dining room. I eat all of my meals at home alone. Or I meet someone at a restaurant. This will be an adjustment. And the place has other activities, which I’m probably not ready to see myself engaging in yet. Like bingo and chair volleyball. It is an INDEPENDENT living facility, so there are no caregivers, CNAs, medical staff, etc. On weekends there are no dining room meals and no administrative staff, just security.
My apartment is on the second floor and you enter from a hallway. So, no direct outdoor access. No patio, no balcony. That is a first for me. Another adjustment. However, the windows open, which is good. So for those two weeks when we experience PERFECT weather, I’ll be able to open the windows.
Speaking of windows: my current house, a 1922 Craftsman (floor plan can be found here) has 21 windows. My new place has THREE. Another big adjustment. Fortunately two of the windows face east and one faces south. No western exposure, which is important here on the Front Porch of Hell (high temp today expected to be 106).
The monthly cost is unbelievable: for rent, all utilities paid, basic cable, wifi/internet, land line, two meals a day, maid service once a month-- $2,300. Hell, my utility bill last month was $350 and I leave my thermostat on 79. So I can be as cool or warm as I want all year round without worrying about the cost. I don’t have cable, just an antenna and my roku, and it will be nice to get some additional stations. It’s an open-ended lease with no terms re duration-- you just start paying and stay until you move out for some reason. To a higher level of care or until you shuffle off your mortal coil.
My building isn’t new, but the whole thing has been newly remodeled. I’ll be the first occupant of this apartment since the remodel. Another first for me-- I favor old buildings with the traces and scars of previous inhabitants. As a feature of the up-to-date-ness, I’ll have a built-in dishwasher and a garbage disposal. I haven’t had the latter in at least 40 years. I have a portable dishwasher that you roll over to the sink and connect, but it’s a hassle to use.
I had planned on moving here at some point. I just wasn’t ready to do it yet. But I’m doing it.
My house is about 1,100 sq ft. The apt is about 890. The new place doesn’t have a separate dining room, which my house does. The house has a fireplace, so there’s a strip at that end of the room where you can’t put furniture. I’ll post a floor plan of the new place.
The killer was 10 years ago, when I moved here from a 2,200 sq ft home. That was brutal. I walked away from about half my possessions. This will not be that bad.
Everyone I know who has moved to an independent living complex has said their only regret was that they didn’t make the move earlier.
My mother loved her complex. She too thought she wouldn’t take advantage of the activities, but it turned out there were some she really enjoyed. Her favorite was Catholic Bible Studies. There were concerts and movies and day trips to a variety of places, such as casinos.
I kinda thought it was like being in a college dorm again, but without classes and studying. In that light, I have heard that such places sometimes have a problem with STDs. So if your idea of a fun time is a nice roll in the hay…
I am glad you started this thread (so we can comment ), and that you are making the move now. As others say, better too early than too late.
My in-laws were living independently in a part of our neighborhood for the past 20+ years, but about three years ago FIL started down the dementia hole, and last summer we moved him into an assisted living/memory care facility (for the safety of the both of them). MIL was living alone in a 2,200 sqft home, and finally over the holidays decided enough was enough, and accepted moving into a Sr apartment, much like where you are going (cafe, activities, security, etc.). She’s about 10 years older than you, and there was much drama with the move, selecting things to take and things to leave behind, adjusting, selling the house, etc. It is a tall order at any age, but can be pretty traumatic if you are older.
Contrary to standard map orientation, the top of this is east, right is south.
On the floor plan the Elmo table was a wedding present made by Elmo. The Hoosier in the den is a Hoosier cabinet [See pic at bottom] I bought about 25 years ago that I currently have in the kitchen. No room in the new kitchen, but I’m not getting rid of it. I’ll repurpose it for office supplies and cat food.
One of the things that gripes me is that the bathroom is TINY! The bathroom in my current house is huge with a huge tub and a separate vanity with TWO windows that face east for putting on your makeup in the morning. Truly luxurious. This building doesn’t have tubs, only showers. Sigh. I guess a bunch of old people and bathtubs is a potential recipe for disaster. Two big walk-in closets, one big enough to fit a dresser. I have wire stand-alone shelves in my current kitchen that will fit in a couple of the closets.
Hoosier cabinet (seriously BAD picture, but you get the idea):
When you mentioned the windows opened, I immediately thought of the cats. If they did fall out, the second floor wouldn’t be too dangerous. Did this occur eo anyone else?
Another echo that this is almost certainly going to be a great move for you. So many folks I’ve dealt with that went to a good Independent living place said they goofed not doing it earlier. Then again, those were folks who waited until they were failing at home. You’re doing it at the right time.
As to meals, most of those places are happy to pack any meal to go. So if you’re not feeling social, just call down ahead of time, then at mealtime toddle over to the dining room, pick up your bag of dinner, and return to your room.
Yes, they will pack the meals to go. I’ve seen that. The food there is very good. There are only two meals-- breakfast and lunch. My friend who lives there said the breakfast is just a “continental breakfast” – rolls, fruit, coffee. On Fridays they have a regular cooked breakfast. The lunch is substantial. Soup, salad, main dish with two vegetables. My friend often packs up half the lunch to eat for dinner. And if you don’t want the main offering, you can get a hamburger, fish & chips, grilled salmon, or a cold sandwich (chicken or tuna salad). There’s no meal service on weekends at all. But you have a full kitchen in your apartment.
Meal planning for one person is a bit of a drag. (First world problem, I know.)
), and that you are making the move now. As others say, better too early than too late.
