… Or, “SPOOFE’s There’s Something About Mary Moment”.
Yeah, I was having an intimate moment with my girlfriend. And she was taking my pants off. And Lil’ SPOOFE got… ah… pinched just a tad in the fly as it came down. Now I gots a red mark right on the head of My Most Precious Possession. It stings a little bit, and I expect a full recovery, but now there’s another scar on my weewee along with the results of my infamous toothpaste escapade.
Yessirree, it’s a neverending stream of TMI from SPOOFE-Land. But, just to make myself feel not-quite-so-stupid… anybody else snag their Naughty Bits on anything that, ah, should not be snagging?
When I was a small boy, around 3 or 4 I guess, certainly no older, I had a set of those one piece zip up the body PJs with footies and the whole bit.
I woke up in the night and had to tap a kidney, which I did. When I was finished, I zipped up quickly (I liked the sound zippers made when you close them fast), while forgeting to pull up my shorts.
Ever get a section of the lining caught between the teeth of a zipper when you zip a jacket? Same thing. I EMBEDDED the zipper into the opening of my young member. I mean STUCK.
Imagine if you will, a 3 YO boy with his dick and PJ zipper melded together with great speed and, therefore, force.
It took Dad a good 10 minutes to get the two put properly asunder after I threw one of the great panicked wigouts of all time. There was minor tearing of the edges of the hole, both interior and exterior, and I don’t think I’ve worn one piece PJs since.
Can I ask a question? If you have naughty bits hanging off the front of your torso, why would you a zipper there with BIG METAL TEETH? Ya know, that’s biting some man’s wee parts every day. I think he who first designed this had a thing for pain, and now it’s just tradition.
Sorry but this just comes back to the belief that, even though it’s good for procreation, the design of a male is just funny.
I recently did this twice in one day, once in a public restroom. Sad thing was I zipped the johnson up in the same place as a few hours before. That’ll learn me to wear underwear.
It was around eight years ago that Levi Strauss was running an ad campaign for 501s - they had a whole series of numbered reasons that 501s were so wonderful.
I just about fell over laughing on the sidewalk when I saw going past me on the side of a bus:
Bleh, I hate the button fly on my 501s. The button holes are small and incredibly awkward to fasten. Nothing like the embarrassment of stepping away from a public urinal then having to spend the next two minutes hunched over by the washbasins fiddling about one’s groinal region. (Trust me; of all the places a guy doesn’t to loiter while touching his fly for an extended period of time, public toilets are way up there!)
OTOH, I found the perfect solution (at the footie on Saturday arvo): simply fasten the middle button and let it do the work of four buttons!
Ah wuz. Though they’re the boxers with the little hole in the front so you can pee through without dropping your trousers, and, well, Lil’ SPOOFE was a tad excited and, y’know, “poking”.
