Down with zippers! (And not in the good way, either.)

… Or, “SPOOFE’s There’s Something About Mary Moment”.

Yeah, I was having an intimate moment with my girlfriend. And she was taking my pants off. And Lil’ SPOOFE got… ah… pinched just a tad in the fly as it came down. Now I gots a red mark right on the head of My Most Precious Possession. It stings a little bit, and I expect a full recovery, but now there’s another scar on my weewee along with the results of my infamous toothpaste escapade.

Yessirree, it’s a neverending stream of TMI from SPOOFE-Land. But, just to make myself feel not-quite-so-stupid… anybody else snag their Naughty Bits on anything that, ah, should not be snagging?

No! :eek:

Nope. My fly’s down most the time. :smiley:

But you can discuss your toothpaste experience! Or did I miss something?

toothpast escapade.?


When I was a small boy, around 3 or 4 I guess, certainly no older, I had a set of those one piece zip up the body PJs with footies and the whole bit.

I woke up in the night and had to tap a kidney, which I did. When I was finished, I zipped up quickly (I liked the sound zippers made when you close them fast), while forgeting to pull up my shorts.

Ever get a section of the lining caught between the teeth of a zipper when you zip a jacket? Same thing. I EMBEDDED the zipper into the opening of my young member. I mean STUCK.

Imagine if you will, a 3 YO boy with his dick and PJ zipper melded together with great speed and, therefore, force.

It took Dad a good 10 minutes to get the two put properly asunder after I threw one of the great panicked wigouts of all time. There was minor tearing of the edges of the hole, both interior and exterior, and I don’t think I’ve worn one piece PJs since.

Once. Just once.

Can I ask a question? If you have naughty bits hanging off the front of your torso, why would you a zipper there with BIG METAL TEETH? Ya know, that’s biting some man’s wee parts every day. I think he who first designed this had a thing for pain, and now it’s just tradition.

Sorry but this just comes back to the belief that, even though it’s good for procreation, the design of a male is just funny.


You asked.

I recently did this twice in one day, once in a public restroom. Sad thing was I zipped the johnson up in the same place as a few hours before. That’ll learn me to wear underwear.

Ya know, my camo pants have a really BIG zipper.


Never again.

I know I’ve been here too long when I’m shocked that people haven’t heard of The Tootpaste Incident.

Ah, the halcyon days… heh.

Spoofe, a word of advice…

You just knew this was coming, didn’t you?


Why the F*** weren’t you wearing underwear!!!

And go buy some Levi’s 501’s for Chrissake, then you never have to deal with zippers again, 'cause 501’s gots that Button-Fly thing going on.

It was around eight years ago that Levi Strauss was running an ad campaign for 501s - they had a whole series of numbered reasons that 501s were so wonderful.

I just about fell over laughing on the sidewalk when I saw going past me on the side of a bus:

Reason #1
That’s a dangerous place for a zipper!


Bleh, I hate the button fly on my 501s. The button holes are small and incredibly awkward to fasten. Nothing like the embarrassment of stepping away from a public urinal then having to spend the next two minutes hunched over by the washbasins fiddling about one’s groinal region. (Trust me; of all the places a guy doesn’t to loiter while touching his fly for an extended period of time, public toilets are way up there!)

OTOH, I found the perfect solution (at the footie on Saturday arvo): simply fasten the middle button and let it do the work of four buttons!

Heck, I know somebody who’s only been here for a couple of weeks, and she knows about it. Of course, I pointed her to the TMI Thread…I’m evil. :smiley:

Ah wuz. Though they’re the boxers with the little hole in the front so you can pee through without dropping your trousers, and, well, Lil’ SPOOFE was a tad excited and, y’know, “poking”.

Holy crap.

Words to live by on the SDMB.