I hate having to head my own threads off at the pass, but I know what would happen if I didn’t.
Yes, we all know Dr. Laura is homophobic.
Yes, we all know Dr. Laura is a bitch
Yes, I can’t believe I listened to her either.
But listen to her I did on a car ride this afternoon. What I’d like to discuss is a specific caller she had on the air today.
It was a man, early 30s I’d estimate, with a daughter and an ex-wife. The ex-wife was physically abusive to him (scratching, escalating to full blown hitting). He managed to get out of the relationship and get a divorce but the wife got custody of the child.
It’s been a year. He’s been seeing another woman for 7 months. The abusive ex-wife has said she still loves him and wants him back. What to do?
Dr. Laura said to go back to her.
“Even if I’m in a relationship I think is better for me right now? One I’m happier in?”
“Yes. Absolutely. You need to get some counseling, certainly, but you have an obligation to your child. She is the mother of your child and you have to make this work.”
I find this advice to be appallingly bad. A blanket statement that he must put up with more abuse for the good of his family? He’s supposed to destroy a stable relationship on the chance that counseling will solve his wife’s problems?
What I find the most offensive is that this is not the advice Dr. Laura would give if the sexes were reversed. I can guarantee that. I almost wish that some woman would call up in a week or two and present the exact same story just to see what she says.
Anyway, did anyone hear this show today?
What advice would you give in this situation?
What do you think of Dr. Laura’s advice here?
I didn’t hear the show today, but I know I’ve heard Dr. Laura tell female callers that they are justified in ending a marriage in situations of physical abuse or adultery. I’ve also heard her say that a parent is irresponsible to allow her child to live in a home situation with physical violence.
However, I’m not surprised to hear that she told a male caller today that a responsible parent would return to a home situation with physical violence, because the child is at home with the violent parent. Dr. Laura is not concerned with what is in the best interest of the adult, she obsesses over what she thinks a parent’s responsibility is to the child. In Dr. Laura’s world, a parent should sacrifice all to be in physical proximity to the child. It doesn’t seem to matter to her if doing so means poor role modeling. I’ve heard her tell a welfare mother that she should stay on welfare to be home 24 hours/day with her child rather than put the child in daycare while she attends school so she can get a decent job to support them. Is it much of a stretch that she would tell a father to stay in an abusive relationship so that he can remain in the same household with his child?
I’m absolutely certain that if the father were the custodial parent, she would advise him to stay divorced and cultivate a healthy relationship instead.
Appallingly bad advice? What other kind does she give?
I wonder how many lives that crazy woman has ruined with her “advice”. Go back to a physically abusive relationship? Yeah, that’s going to be great for the kid.
A friend of mine had a somewhat similar problem. His wife had various emotional problems, which IMHO had been made worse by wrong-headed mental health professionals. He tried to make the marriage work for years, at great personal cost, and finally left her.
Now he’s living in the next town and fortunately he has joint custody. That way, he can give considerable care to their three children. He has little time for any personal life, since his time is committed to his job and his children.
This is a tough situation. There are no ideal solutions.
Why stop with Dr.Laura?? Why not round up all of them, Dr.Drew,Dr.Phil,Dear Abbey and anyone else who feels the need to give Horseshit advice and send them into the sun!! Personaly , I dont care what any of them say. The only opinion that matters in a relationship is the opinions of the 2 people involved in it.
I don’t know, I don’t think Dr. Drew or Dr. Phil would ever tell somebody to leave a stable relationship to go back to an abusive one…even if there are kids in the equation.
Devil’s Advocate Position: If an abusive spouse seeks to change their behavior through whatever means available to them – therapy, anger management programs, couples’ counseling – and there is still underlying love in the relationship (I don’t think that anyone can say that abuse necessarily sucks all of the love out of a relationship as warped as that may be) then why not give them that opportunity if they haven’t made that effort before?
I’m not saying that Schlessinger’s position is correct. (I would’ve counselled the father to stay in as much contact w/the kid as absolutely possible, but I wouldn’t go much further.) But when there is still some underlying connection in the marriage and there are children to consider, what shouldn’t be attempted in order to make things work? (Or put things back into working order.)
Angel’s Advocate position: The abovementioned Radio/TV talk show hosts are ENTERTAINMENT FIGURES! Their pronouncements are to be used for entertainment purposes only.
ANYONE who believes otherwise deserves whatever they have coming
I’m not saying he shouldn’t give it a chance for the good of the child, but Dr. Laura’s adamance that he go back to her and into an abusive relationship was surprising.
There’s a good possibility that the wife is jealous of this new relationship and manipulating him. There’s a good possibility that counseling won’t work. Dr. Laura didn’t seem to consider either. GO BACK! was at the forefront with “oh and if you have a chance, counseling might help” as an afterthought.
Maybe she really wanted to change, maybe the husband wasn’t accurately portraying the full situation. But since Dr. Laura never pressed him for details we can only rate her advice from the scenario presented.
This isn’t “entertainment,” as johnboy sarcastically intoned. As much as people might not like, many listen and follow her advice. That makes it very real and often very harmful.
johnboy, my radio dial doesn’t light up with a little warning when these bozos are on that says, “For Entertainment Purposes Only,” so I’m assuming that listeners of everyone from Dr. Laura Schlongsucker to Rush Limpbrain don’t see that warning label either.
Wonder if the invisible warning label is also supposed to apply to the news, weather, and traffic reports I hear on the radio every morning.
I apologize. My anger (at Dr.Laura, etc.) was vented at her listeners when it should have been directed at her. You two (RTF and Ender) correctly noted I was being incredibly ascerbic [and an asshole to boot!] I’m sorry. Don’t let my registration date fool ya’, I’m still a newbie and I should have known better.
I am shocked that Dr. Laura would say that. I used to listen to her several years ago. (Before she went on her anti-gay tirade, which still bewilders me—she was not like that before.) She could get grumpy at times, and I didn’t always agree with her. But she had some good advice.
I don’t think she advised well at all in this case. The wife has, in essence, broken her marriage vows. She’s been abusive—that’s one of the “biggies” (even to Dr. Laura) and is usually considered a “deal-breaker” in a marriage. I am astonished that Dr. Laura gave the advice that she did.
The dad should do whatever he can to protect the kid; he should stick around and try to always be there for the kid. But I don’t see why he has to reconcile with an abusive bitch.