Drinker's Rules

Cafe Society
1

In the latest issue of Malt Advocate, Terry Sullivan presents what he calls
The Beverage Decalogue

*1. Thou shalt not imbibe any liquid of a color commonly found on jockey’s silks.

  1. Neither shalt thou imbibe, nor create, any drink with more than three ingredients, four counting bitters.

  2. Thou shalt not order any cocktail named for an Elvis movie.

  3. Ditto Brooke Shields movies.

  4. Crush not cookies, nor crackers, nor candy bars into thine refreshments.

  5. Thou shalt not bow down before any vessel with the word “Lite” thereupon.

  6. Remember to keep holy the barley and the corn.

  7. Thou shalt tip.

  8. Drinketh not in places that let you keep the glass.

  9. Avoideth, as a just man doth iniquity, beverages that matcheth the bridesmaid’s garments.*
    Can Dopers add to the list? :smiley:

2

Nothing I’ve seen tops Modern Drunkard Magazine’s 86 Rules of Boozing

3

Thou shalt not worship false idols such as Anheuser-Busch.

4

And thou shalt love the red wine with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy beer as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

5

I have no idea what this means.

6

They’ll have to pry my Blue Lagoons off my cold, dead hands!

7

Barley and corn are the grains used to make whisk(e)y.

8

Ah, ok. I was thinking of it from a beer-making perspective: barley good, corn bad.

9

As a rule I would agree to that, but there are times in the summer when I will buy a sixer of Busch or some other “heavy on the corn as an adjuct” beer just for the memories of days gone by. :smiley:

10

Re:#10 What if the bridesmaids’ dresses are porter brown?

11

Does that work?

12

I can’t accept that one. We have lots of wine tasting events here in CA where “keeping the glass” is the norm. Gotta taste the wine, man. *Gotta *taste the wine!

How about: Leavest not thy guests’ glass empty. (And don’t forget thine own, either!)

13

Yeah, that one kinda stuck with me, too. I looked at the shelves. All but three of our wineglasses came from tasting rooms somewhere, as did just about every glass in the cabinet. And what about the “walkaround” margaritas in Vegas?

14

Ya but do it outside. And in a apron. Or maybe raincoat would be better. It may get everywhere.

15

It depends on what you mean by work. You will access the wine, but it will taste like cork. Hence the earlier rule to keep a corkscrew with you.

16

Horrible bars serve shots in plastic NyQuil cups.

Regular bars serve shots in small, shallow shot glasses

Good bars serve shots in regular old shot glasses.

Great bars serve shots in rocks glasses

Excellent bars serve shots in rocks glasses with a free beer back.

Any bar that allows you to throw peanut shells on the floor is automatically upgraded one level. In the instance that a bar that already rates as excellent does so, you should consider moving in to the stock room.

17

I’ll drink to that.

18

I also enjoy this list.

19

Sorry, silenus, but this entire list is bullshit.

I guess white russians are right out then. Well I’ll be damned.

I guess long island ice teas are out too? Total BS already

Fair enough

yeah well, my staple is “light rum”, as in Bacardi light, so I guess I fail there… and/or the writer of this list is totally clueless. I vote for the latter. Watch him drink Myers dark rum and coke all night. NOT.

There is no corn in any real beer. Real beer drinkers call that swine “BMC” which stands for “BudMillerCoors”. BMC includes all cheap replacements for real beer. (Heinekin, Corona, Becks, Michelob, etc) Actually some of us call that “Lawnmower beer”, which I guess excuses some of you, if you really know what you want/need and choose it because you’re out in the sun and need the WATER. Anybody herein excused should know what IPA stands for, and prefer it or another real beer after the sun sets.

20% +

Who said “let”?

As in dirty brown? I don’t get it

20

Don’t you hate it when you come into a thread with an awesome link all ready to go, and the first freaking response has beaten you to it?