Drunk boy on the bus

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

On the bus home from last night’s writing group, there was a young guy sitting near the front, behind and out of sight of the driver–woman driver. Guy coulda been a skater, coulda been a frat; kinda hard to tell. Drunk as an old man. Swaying, eyelids drooping. Suddenly he goes, real loud, “I could drive the bus with my head!”

The driver goes–apparently I’ve come in on the middle of an ongoing conversation–“Really? Well I don’t know about THAT.”

Guy sways as the bus takes a turn, slumps, then pushes himself upright again, goes, “You know . . . you know what the best thing about dating a homeless guy? . . . Is?”

Driver, indulgent mom type: “No, what?”

By this time we’re pulling up at my stop. “You can drop him off anywhere!”

2

I only popped in here to curse you. The thread title has planted in my head the Boney M song “Brown Girl in the Ring”

Thanks.

3

Drunk as an old man?

4

Am I going to Hell for laughing at the Drunk boy’s joke?

5

Yes… but you’re in good company.

6

At the time, it sounded more like a pickup line. So I was laughing at it too.

7

I think it’s quite a good joke. Drunk but harmelss and amusing sounds ok. I thought it might be a thread about a scary drunk guy.

8

I wondered about that too.

9

Og help me, I am going to hell for laughing at that… :smiley:

10

I wonder if that’s original?

It is pretty clever, regardless.

11

Age-ist hate speech! Age-ist hate speech!

12

Got that right. And that’s no exaggeration either. Not like The Holocaust.

13

Well, if I’d said “drunk as a lord,” then all the pro-lord activist woulda been down my throat. Plus it woulda been a cliche.

14

I prefer “sober as a judge”, with the correct :wink: afterwards.

15

I’m hoppin’ that express bus to hell for laughing at that joke too.

Down south we say “drunker than Cooter Brown.” Now, I don’t know who Cooter Brown is but apparently he’s bad to get drunk.

16

That’s an old joke. But I laugh every time.

17

I’ve told this story before, but it’s still a great one:

Years ago, my wife Barb and I were friends with an older couple in our home town, Angus and Pearl. Angus was a semi-retired lawyer who was the “relief judge” at the local court, substituting when the elected judge was out of town, etc.

Angus told the story of having Carl, the town drunk, brought before him on a public intoxication charge. Carl had come out of a local tavern several sheets to the wind, and was staggering home past the local social-elite club, eyed by the cop who was shortly to arrest him. A cab pulled up in front of the club, and the elected judge was helped out to it, so sloshed he was barely able to stand.

The next morning, Angus got called to cover the bench for the judge, who was evidently nursing a hangover. Came time for Carl’s case to be heard, and he stood up and said, “Your honor, I won’t deny I have a drinking problem, but last night when I was arrested, I was sober as a judge!” Angus looked over at the cop, who was desperately trying to keep a straight face at this, smiled, and dismissed the case. :slight_smile:

18

Whew.

I’ve been drunk boy on the bus.

The not so funny story: I got on a bus in college packed with students coming home from the bars, and puked right in the aisle.

The somewhat funny story: I got on a bus real drunk one night. Quite a few people on it. My next memory is the bus driver shaking me awake. The bus is totally empty. It’s like 12:30 at night. He asked me where I live and took me home.