This is not The BBQ Pit. If you find the urge to cough again, I strongly suggest you suck on a cough drop and keep it to yourself.
Well, you put my username above a paragraph which I took to be insulting and demeaning. It wasn’t clear how you meant it, or what the situation was. This being the case, please accept my most humble apology for getting defensive about something which you had not intended.
Thanks.
That is not my opinion. I never meant to infer that it was.
I didn’t say that all women would be that way. And when I made my original comment, it was before we were informed that there was technically no cheating going on. My only intent was to throw up a flag, based upon what the OP wrote, that suggested that there was cheating involved, to watch out - it might be a pattern. But all the information was not in then.
We’ve all been going on about people we don’t know here, and they’re just words. I haven’t meant to offend purposely. I am sorry that I did, based on misunderstanding your intent and to whom you were addressing your comments. I hope you won’t hold it against me. I have no beef with you or anyone else. If you’d like to call it off, I will, too. I’m not hard to get along with.
Sincerely,
fishbicycle
I’m still unclear about something. When she kissed you, or as you so unromantically put it, stuck her tongue down your throat, what did you do? Kiss her back? Gag? Shove her away? Just stand there? Say, “I love you too”? Maybe your reaction at that time is what is making her hesitant to relive that moment. So enlighten us!
Okay, here’s the whole story. A. was at a Christmas work function with free alcohol, and we had plans to meet up once that function was over. She called me and I met her out at a bar with some of her coworkers whom I’d never met. A. was out of her mind drunk, hanging all over me. Even for a few weeks before this, I’d gotten the impression she wanted “more”, and had put thought into it myself. So she started hanging on me and kissing my cheek which is pretty standard for us. When she hugged me and kissed my neck, I figured something weird was going on.
A few times during the night she told me she loved me. I replied like I do whenever any of my friends tell me they love me. I said I loved her back. But my tone was sort of just like a buddy love, I think. Like I said before, I’m not particularly comfortable with that word anyway, much less in this situation. She replied “no, you don’t love me the way I love you.” I don’t remember what I said to that.
When she kissed me, I kissed back. The first time it happened, she put her head on my chest and apologized profusely. The problem is that she realizes that I can make out with anyone and not have a problem with it. I’ve made out with the majority of my friends, guys included. To me it doesn’t have to “mean” anything. I can only assume that, even though I kissed back, she may think I was just kissing back because that’s what I do, not because I actually dig her. We made out 2 or 3 more times through the course of the night, with her always initiating and her coworkers laughing and cheering, which didn’t help the situation. A few of her coworkers told me she couldn’t stop talking about me and had candid conversations with them about how she’d like to get together with me.
Anyway, all this is compounded by the fact that, even before there was a possibility of us becoming more than friends, I was always pestering her to make out with me, since she was one of very few friends who I hadn’t had the pleasure of kissing, other than at New Years. It was a running joke in my circle of friends that I always wanted to make out with her.
So, short answer, I kissed back. Long answer, in her head that probably doesn’t mean anything at all. I’m sure I probably said something stupid when she told me she loved me, which may be the problem now.
You have an exceedingly complicated peer group…
I have to say, when I read threads concerning the whole “should I tell him/her I like him/her” or other variants thereof, I usually see a poor outcome; i.e., rejection on the horizon.
However, I say to you, son, what are you waiting for? Sounds to me like she’s crazy about you. The added bonus is that it sounds like you’re crazy about her.
I vote for whisking her away for a warm cocktail during the ski weekend (even better if a fireplace was involved) and telling her you dig her in that way.
Good luck!
I think what I was trying to say it that you have to decide whether or not the risk is worth the possible outcome of rejection. When it is worth it, it becomes a bit more selfless. Hard to do though.
However, this is all a moot point, since based on all your posts, I can only conclude she’s pretty much pulled out a very large sledgehammer in order to make her point to you. I’m not saying it’s risk-free because few things are. But she’s made herself pretty clear. Go for it.
Nah… all of us in my little circle have been friends for 10 or 15 years. We’re only 24 or 25 now. We’ve seen each other grow from stupid kids who gave each other wet willies into drunk college kids and now into people with actually careers, dogs, and houses. That makes us have a strange and unique bond that manifests itself in me making out with my buddies.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I need all the ego I can get for when I actually break the subject to her.
Yeah, the making out was a sledgehammer, but the avoidance later was a scare. I’ve concluded now that it was her being a silly girl who was a bit scared and embarrassed. I’ll have the talk with her soonish and let everyone know the outcome. Since the ski trip has been rescheduled, we’re going on one of our “dates” this weekend instead. Maybe I’ll do it then unless I get big signs that point to “no”.
Oh boy, Dante, that’s nothing.
My circle of friends has been close for a long time - some of us since elementary school. Because we were close through the teenage years, you can’t put four people together in a room without something incestuous or some sort of history happening. One of my best female friends stole my boyfriend from me twenty odd years ago - hated her for ten, now couldn’t live without her. She also dated my husband (briefly) and had a longer relationship with my brother-in-law. Another good friend later dated that same guy (who was at both my weddings and my husband has known since junior high), dated one of my husbands nearest friends. Complicate this with being young and stupid, a sprinkling of bisexuality, and you end up with a relationship chart that looks like it was made by a overenthusatic spider.
The thing is, and the thing for wasson is, good friends are good friends. After you’ve made up and forgiven and know everyone’s blemishes, they should be hard to shake. No one in life is perfect. I’m better off having my friends know my past (and knowing theirs) and liking them despite (and sometimes because of) it.
wasson, you are a lucky guy to have such friends. And your other friend will understand (even if his wife gets the heebie jeebies and you - as a couple - need to avoid her.
So go for it. Say “I’d really hate to ruin a great friendship if this doesn’t work out, but I need to know I haven’t passed on the best thing possible out of fear.”
Really. Marrying your best friend for love is the best thing in the world.
Exactly! Glad someone else “gets it”. My best friend grew up about 5 houses down from me. We’ve been friends, quite literally, our entire lives. We’ve been roommates, and we now live about 5 blocks apart. He’s now married with a kid on the way. Thinking back to being 5 and begging my parents to let me stay over at his house… it hardly seems like the same guy. Weird.
A and I already avoid my friend’s fiance. She’s not part of our “circle”, and looks at us strangely a little too often. I’m more worried that we’ll have to avoid the friend. Although that will become pretty easy once he’s married, I imagine.
The “hate to ruin…” line is a good one. I’ll probably yank it word for word. Thanks.
wasson : do it. If not for yourselves, do it for everyone who never took that chance at the time. Do it now, before you both get burdened with kids and relationships, and realise you should have done it years before.
Please!
But mainly because it sounds as though the two of you really do have a chance at happiness, and because it sounds as though you have the kind of friendship that you can take this risk with. If it doesn’t work out, you already have a relationship with each other to fall back on, and if it does… we’ll ALL be happy!
Second that. Best friends make the best marriages. Not that you need to be thinking about that right now 
.
Ask her.
We don’t get as many shots at happiness as we should in life. Don’t waste this one.
Well, I ponied up the cash just for a follow up to this story. And truth be told, I missed posting just a little.
Anyway, nothing has happened with this. Partly because I’m a pussy, and partly because I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t want to talk about it/do anything about it. Just before Valentine’s Day, I was going to throw out a cutesy “A., will you be my Valentine?” during a car ride we were taking. I asked her if I could ask an important question, to which she replied “Not if its a serious question. I can’t talk about anything serious right now.” I told her nevermind. On Valentine’s, I bought some flowers with a card addressed from her dog and left them on her kitchen table while she was at work. I followed up by sending flowers addressed from me to her work, knowing girls like to get flowers while coworkers watch.
Anyway, I figure between those 2 gestures, the ball is back in her court. Now it’s a waiting game. It would be a frustrating waiting game, except for the fact that I’m lovin’ being single.