There seem to be an abundance of people who are in the same boat as me (in love with someone who thinks they are a great ‘pal’), or those who were in love with a friend, or had a friend fall in love with them.
Ok, lets have it:
Does the ‘friend’ know how you feel about them?
How can you be sure they know? Or dont know?
Are you sure they arent interested?
Again, how do you know?
What have you done to ‘show’ them how you feel?
Have you flat out TOLD them?
Is it worse to be around them as a ‘pal’, or worse to avoid them? (worse = more painful)
Are you still ‘looking’ for someone else or are you going to wait for them to fall for you?
Has anything romantic ever happened? (like a drunken kiss, or a one night stand)
What were the repercussions?
I really think that there are enough of us that we should be able to compile some sort of data on this, who knows, maybe we can make some sense out of it.
I’ve been there before but more importantly I’m there atm. But I’ve had enough. I’m just going to tell her. Take her out, have a good time and just do it.
And if I’ve misinterpreted the flirting and signals well then so be it.
Never actually happened to me. However I have lusted after friends at points, or gone and hooked up with them accidentally, or had them lust after me.
**
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There is no real way to know for sure. Unless you already made a pass at them or they did likewise.
**
With one friend, she expressed interest at one point then didn’t at another. The best way to find out is get really fucked up with them and let it all out, they won’t remember if they are fucked up, and will most likely let you know how they really feel. If this sounds disfunctional it probably is.
**
Gone and rubbed up against them, or had them do the same to me.
Once, I really regretted it in the morning and wrote an apology. Things were strange for about two weeks then we both forgot about it.
**
Definetely worse to avoid. Because their feelings could change.
**
Still looking. But, I’m a slut
**
Yes things have happened. No, there were never repercussions.
Haven’t been in love with a friend, but have wanted some for myself. Unfortunately, I could only exist for them as a friend-type person, if that. Being alone with someone is what I prefer just because it makes it easier for me.
But yeah, I have sexually wanted friends. Lots of times. Within this past month, even.
Amen! I just posted about something similar on another message board!
I think he has an inkling, but at the same time he seems pretty trustworthy that I wouldn’t “turn on him”.
He’s not interested. He’s told me this.
Heavens no, I would rather DIE than tell him my true feelings. I’m very flirty with him, and he with me, but that’s about it.
Worse to avoid. I haven’t seen him in a week and it’s driving me nuts. But it’s also weird to be around him as a pal.
A little of both. I’m looking with one eye and keeping another eye on my friend. As if anything would happen anyway. If he fell for me…that would be amazing.
Well, I jokingly called him my pretend boyfriend one time (BAD idea, because I already had a boyfriend at the time, and they happened to be best friends). He avoided me for a few months because he said that it had made him uncomfortable for me to say that.
Does the ‘friend’ know how you feel about them?
How can you be sure they know? Or dont know?
Silver_Fire says: He accused me of having a crush on him back in April. I denied it. Of course it’s true and I’m sure he saw right through that lie.
Are you sure they arent interested?
Again, how do you know?
Silver_Fire says: No, I’m not sure. He’s done his share of flirting with me, but never went beyond that.
What have you done to ‘show’ them how you feel?
Have you flat out TOLD them?
Silver_Fire says: I bought him a really nice pipe (he smokes pot) for his birthday last weekend. And a half ounce.
Is it worse to be around them as a ‘pal’, or worse to avoid them? (worse = more painful)
Silver_Fire says: I would say it’s worse to avoid them. I only see him on weekends and I miss him horribly (even as a friend) during the week.
Are you still ‘looking’ for someone else or are you going to wait for them to fall for you?
Silver_Fire says: I’m not waiting for him per se. But I’m not really looking for anyone else either.
Has anything romantic ever happened? (like a drunken kiss, or a one night stand)
What were the repercussions?
After his sister (who was my very best friend) died last April, I stayed at his house for a week and slept with him every night. (No, we really slept) That’s not exactly romantic but we did exchange back/neck massages each night before going to sleep. No repercussions.
I just wish I weren’t such a chicken shit when it comes to this guy.
Being in love with a friend is the hardest thing in the world, because you can see and measure the potential that is there between you - but they can’t.
Options have been mentioned … taking the bull by the horns, so to speak … mild flirting, and even forgoing seeing that person.
I think anyone in this predicament should be forced to watch the scene in Chasing Amy when they are in the car and Ben Afflect tells Joey Lauren Adams how he feels …
Yup, she knows. How can I be sure? Well, her realization probably came when I first mentioned that I was in love with her
Again, yup, because she told me as much. Actually, what she told me is that she wasnt sure what she was looking for. However, I do know that everything she has found, with the exception of me, has wound up treating her like sh*t.
Too much to enumerate here. Let’s just say that aside from the sappy gestures and such, the tab amounted to over $20k (I’m still trying to pay it off).
Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s worse because I can’t really be a ‘true’ pal, because it tears me up to listen to her talk about her social life. As such, we don’t typically have much to say to one another when we do get together, making it somewhat awkward. However, it also kills us (well, me, anyway) to be apart for very long.
I’m not currently looking, since I wouldn’t be able to give anyone my ‘all’ until I was fully over my friend. Unfortunately, I keep holding out hope, like a fool, that some day she will realize what I do…
Nope. Never been anything ‘physical’. Yet I still love her more than life itself…
man oh man, nothing like falling for a friend. i fell into a deep crush fugue-state a few months back with a member of my improv group. we had always gotten along together real well, and then it happened.
we had to drive from philadelphia to boston. alone.
needless to say, i felt kinda awkward, and sometimes my throat was in my chest and vice versa, but the trip went smoothly. the ride back was good. but i couldn’t get her out of my mind.
so i came clean. it was even awkwarder then, and i felt like a real boob. the worst part beforehand, as pLt said, was that “you can see and measure the potential that is there between you - but they can’t.” afterwards, the worst part was that i had been rejected, and my heart had been right on the tabletop, and i felt stupid.
but she was great about it. things pretty much returned to normal, but i still find myself thinking ‘what if’ and ‘why not’. but she’s in korea now, and neither of us are in the group together.
sigh…
I have a friend who I KNOW has feelings for me. And after a lot of thinking, I have decided that it is HIS responcibility to express those feelings, not mine to say “Gee, I’ve noticed your flirting has rapidly become inuendo, and I’m not comfortable with that, because I have absolutely no attraction to you what-so-ever.” While struggling with whether to approach him or wait until he says something to me, I was getting advice from my best friend, who said “Hell, you either shit or get off the pot. You can’t be responcible for what someone else DOESN’T tell you.”
So I say tell him. It may ruin the friendship, but if it hurts to see him, if you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to be with him, then you are doing yourself more harm than good. Be honest, and direct. “You may have noticed that I have been a little wierd lately. It’s because I think I have feelings for you, and I’d like to know how you feel about that.” Good luck!
I once hung out with a group of about 10 people. It was great fun, as we all did lots of things together (movies, skiing, etc.) There were 2 ‘couples’ in the group. In one of the couples was a beautiful, petite flower I fell in love with. She, sadly, loved her boyfriend, who was a complete ninny most of the time.
A few years before, I developed a set of moral rules for myself which to that point had been completely lacking. (a conscience, if you will) One of my rules was that I would no longer hit on chicks that I knew had boyfriends. I figured that sooner or later she would see he was unworthy of her and then I would be free to pursue her.
She never did. My love went unrequitted. I felt it best to keep those feelings to myself. Eventually, the group kind of fell apart and I have’nt seen her for years. My heart still yearns when I smell the perfume she used to wear.
Great, now I’m depressed.
I’m a bit late getting to this one, but at least I made it. I was friends with a girl for a long time, which was wierd. It was wierd because I wasn’t used to living in one place for very long. Anyway, not the point. I had feeling for her pretty much the entire time, but knew she only saw me as a friend. We both dated different people through this time, and we both talked to each other about it. At least one of us was with somebody at any given point through all of this. Finally, there was a lull on both sides and we ended up both single at the same time. This meant that we started hanging out a lot more. I enjoyed it, but wanted more, and it kept getting harder and harder. I finally just broke down and told her one night as I was walking her to her door. She freaked out and ran inside. She called me up about a week later and appologized. I said I understood, and as it turned out, she had had feelings, too, but didn’t realize it. We got together and dated for almost 2 years before breaking up. We did break up on good terms, though. You wanted a happy ending, you got one. This guy may have feelings for you, and just not realize it. I figure, worst case scenario, he freaks out for a few days. If you’re good friends now, you still can be once he gets over the shock. I say go for it, because if you don’t go for it, you may end up torturing yourself for the rest of your life about missed chances and asking yourself what if. I have a lot of what-ifs that I regret. There’s another thread about missed chances that’s hits close.
That was a lot longer and more drawn out than I intended it to be, so I’m going to go ahead and quit now. Good luck, kelli.
this is something from a movie that ive never seen, but a freind told me about. i hope its not one of those movies that everyone’s seen except for me and i end up looking like an idiot by mentioning it (“i heard there was this part in titanic where the boat sank…”):
give her/him(the friend) a ride somewhere. as you walk to the car, unlock the passenger side door for them. if they get in the car and unlock your door for you from the inside, its true love. if they dont, it was never meant to be.
so thats the test. it may or may not work, but i think its the easy solution that everyone’s looking for.
I have been (or possibly still am) in love with a friend. I wrote him a long e explaining what I felt, but also saying that I understood that at that time his feelings for me weren’t romantic, but friendly. I told him that I would still be here, still his friend, if he changed his mind about me. He wrote back saying it was one of the most courageous things he’d read.
I’m invited to his wedding in a few months. We’re stil friends, and when we’re together he even seems to ignore his fiancee to be with me. And yes, it hurts. But I also realize, based on the woman he ended up with, that we’d never be right for each other. And I pray each night that he has a long and happy married life.
No drunken kisses, no one night stands. We’re still friends, for which I’m grateful. Perhaps even better friends since we know we can be completely honest with each other.
I once fell in love with my friend. It happened gradually and was completely unintentional. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I had to get drunk before it happened. Letting her know how I felt was very awkward, and did cause some problems. I was in the process of ending my marriage, and my soon-to-be ex-wife didn’t handle it very well. Because she was a co-worker, my friend and I had to conduct a very discrete relationship in the beginning.
So what was the final result?
I married her. Best thing that ever happened to either of us. Nothing beats being married to your best friend.
If you feel strongly about this person, you owe it to you and him to say what’s on your mind.
I have been in love/lust with a very good friend (female) for nearly thirty years. Yes, she knows how I feel. No, she doesn’t feel the same way. How does she know? I have told her. Often.
Kelli, go for it. Tell the guy your feelings of friendship have ripened into something deeper, then ask him if he would be interested in taking your friendship to a different plane.
It is a risk, but what isn’t? In my case, I was refused but she and I are still very good friends. And who knows? Even after thirty years of refusal, she might change her mind someday------
