Long story short. I told her I have feelings. She told me she wasn’t ‘in that place’, maybe in a few months.
But said she’s flattered (and she seemed it)
I told her I suspected she might react that way.
I told her I had to tell her because it was making me low and that was effecting our friendship.
She’s glad I told her.
This was about 30 minutes ago.
I am not sure what effect this will have on my state of mind yet as it has only been half an hour.
But maybe (for those few months at least) you lot finally get a rest from hearing about my pathetic personal romance.
You’ll feel relieved. Not at first mind you but at least you tried and you wont regret you inaction later in the future.
Congrats. I have been following you little drama with this woman and was hoping you would just tell her and get it out in the open. It reminds me of a place I was at in my life this same time last year. Hope everything works out for you.
I for one am glad to hear it! I hope it goes in a direction that is best for you. You must feel like a huge weight has been lifted after all this time. Keep us posted.
Well, then, DON’T go getting all worried and sad about it. I realise you probably have a damn alarm clock set to something like “ooh that was over an hour ago now, time to get concerned that it was silly to tell her, and I wish I hadn’t and oh woe …” but you should jsut ignore it or stamp on it.
And I can’t at all think why she’d say “…maybe in a few months…” if she actually meant “go and jump off cliff”.
I should think it’s reather good to have defused some tension. And, oh, a couple of months away will be all bright and springlike …
I hope everything goes along well.
So, quite a happy Monday for you. Good!
And I don’t think anybody thinks “pathetic” at all, although it is quite a saga - I am really sure everyone who reads is wishing all the best fo ryou.
Now, don’t overanalyze, don’t try to infuse every little situation with something “deeper,” and, whatever you do, don’t keep revisiting the topic with her. When she’s ready, if she’s ready, you’ll know.
In the meantime, move on with your life and act as normal.
But telling her was a Good Thing and don’t let anxiety tell you otherwise.
you were true to yourself. This is much better than not tellng her and letting her believe you had only platonic feelings. Relax. The ball is in her court now, and she’ll hit it back when she’s ready.
Good on you, and good on you for telling her in person. The thing I regret most about the “here’s how I feel” moments are I committed the damn things to paper and received paper replies instead of doing it face to face. Takes some guts.
I committed my thoughts to paper (well documents) many times and then deleted them. I did so last night. I am relieved I did it in person also… Every time I commited it to paper I thought how cowardly it would look to her. I don’t have to do that now.
I’m not over the moon, still got issues to deal with but the biggest issue of all is out in the open so the smaller issues should be pieces of cake.
I am not, nor will I regret telling her. My walk home was depressing knowing that there is less hope now for us to be together. But I just asked myself… would I be feeling any better right now if I hadn’t told her? The answer is NO. My emotions are mixed right now. I know I did the right thing. I think I handled it fairly well. I don’t feel good about the outcome. But I think while not sharing my feelings she at least respects them.
I don’t want to pee on your cornflakes, but maybe the ‘in a few months’ thing was just her way of letting you down easy; that isn’t necessarily a bad thing - that she cares enough about your feelings to want to let you down easy is a good thing (although it may not be the precise sort of good thing you’ve been hoping for.
Better to have to kick yourself about things you have actually done and said than agonise over things you could/should have said, but didn’t. There’s no way to guarantee or force any particular outcome, since there is the free will of another human person involved, but you’ve done the right thing in that, at the very least, your future interactions need not be overshadowed by misunderstanding and second-guessing.
Don’t worry I peed on my own cornflakes. I suspected straight away the few-months comment was either spur of the moment sparing of feelings stuff, or designed to let me down easy. One thing It did indicate quite firmly is that there is no reciprocation. If she had any feelings at all she wouldn’t want to wait a few months.
Everybody book mark this thread guys. That way, every time someone starts a thread: “Should I tell her???” or any thread similar to it; we can just direct them this way. Lobsang, I giving you a gold star for today. And remember: From here on out, when it comes to telling a girl your feelings for her or that you’re “intrested”; it only gets easier with every girl.
Not that I suspect you’re gonna get a whole lot of turn downs after all this!! You know how women are suckers for men with confidence!!
On the other hand (and not wanting to give you false hopes), there are situations where someone could be interested, but wants you to keep your distance for a while; if, for example, that person is tying up the ends of a messy breakup and doesn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire. There are probably other scenarios in which it could reasonably happen too.
In any case, you did the right thing, I reckon; much better to be depressed about the miserable truth than be depressed about miserable things that are merely imagined or suspected.
Well, that’s quite excellent, Lobsang. (Not the letting down part, the telling her part.) Well done, sir. I’m firmly of the belief that you never regret telling the people you care about your feelings. You do regret, however, not telling them. I’m sorry the outcome didn’t go your way, but well done indeed. That took courage. Good show!
I thank you all for your kind words. They are genuinelly appreciated
I love this place for making it possible to share one’s thoughts, feelings and dilemas. And for the advice and support one gets in return. I never thought of the SDMB as a support group but it is.
No seriously, Lobsang, all the best for you. It was a good thing you did. I hope it works for you, even if “working” for you isn’t what you think you want now.
