I think I just came up with the world’s dumbest joke. Don’t believe me? Then try to come up with a joke dumber than this:
Did you hear about the man who sued after slipping on a banana?
He lost it on a peal.
And of course, nothing makes it dumber than misspelling “peel.”
:smack:
why do I catch these things just as it’s posting?
“Want to hear a quick joke?”
“Sure.”
“Want to hear another?”
Got that beat.
My best friend calls me over at work, “hey I just made up a new joke”
Uhh ok, I reply
“What do you call a Mexican animal rights activist?”
Uhh your an idiot, I dont know, What? I Say.
“A Fajita PETA! HA HA HA HA”
I look at him, shake my head and slowly walk away.
A few seconds later, he realised how dumb it was.
And begged me not to repeat it.
My mom on the other hand thought it was hilarious.
Three animals are finished eating at a restaurant.
The pig goes, “Ah, I left my wallet at home.”
The chicken says, “Drat—I left my checkbook at home,” while shaking his head.
The duck says calmly, “Oh, no worries—we’ll put it on my bill.”
Horse walks into a bar.
Says “Hay, bartender.”
Thanks, thank you very much, youv’e been great.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t lead a horticulture.
(Hint: say it aloud. It’s even less funny aloud.)
A termite goes into a bar.
“Is the bar tender here?”
Tori Spelling walks into a bar.
Barman says “why the long face?”
I won’t say my wife’s fat, but she’s the only woman I know.
No really, she is.
Is this thing on?
“Get in the car. I have to go get some food for my llama.”
"What does he eat?
“Llama beans, what else?”
“Can a cowboy’s dog get a driver’s license?”
“No, but the cat’ll drive.”
I had to read the title of this thread aloud to get the joke!
How much a slave to the written word (as opposed to the spoken) am I? are you?
Have you ever seen the Little Red Riding Hood thing where all the words are misspelled and you have to read it aloud to be able to understand what it’s saying?
Hit’s rail phoney bat heart two rid.
What do gay horses eat?
HHHHHHEEEEEYYYYY!
Is a priest allowed to kiss a nun ?
Yes. As long as he doesn’t get in the habit
I tell ya, tough crowd.
If every human being become fishes, what will happen to the fishes?
Ans: Fishes will become a lot.
Bad grammar, lame joke. Beat this one!
Two sausages are put into a pan with some oil at the bottom. The stove is turned on and the oil slowly starts to heat up.
As the oil starts to bubble, the first sausage turns to the second and says “Boy. We’re really screwed.”
The second sausage rolls over and says to the first: “Holy crap!! You’re a talking sausage!!!”
A hunter out in the woods comes upon a beautiful naked woman. He asks, “Are you game?”
She says, “Sure!” So he shot her.
What do you call a Golf Course Superintendent who always makes very difficult pin placements?
Marquis De Sod.
Thank You! Come back for the midnight show! It gets a little randy!
I may have to pit you over this…
Husband walking through the house with a fly swatter.
Wife asks if he has had any luck?
“Yup got three males and two females!”
Wife asks “Now how could you possibly tell their sex?”
Husband replies, “got the three on a beer can and the other two on the phone”
Badda bing!
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
I also make up answers while watching Jeopardy. One was “This is the tallest animal with wings.” The answer is the ostrich. My answer: “What is a WNBA player during her period?”
LOL!!! “Stick” reminded me of an article I saved locally…
Oct 3, 10:32 am ET
By Corey Ullman
LONDON (Reuters) - After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world’s funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.
In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people’s offerings.
More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is it:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “Ok, now what?”
Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.
People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum.”
DOCTOR: “I’ve got some cream for that.”
Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.
TEXAN: “Where are you from?”
HARVARD GRAD: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
TEXAN: “OK – where are you from, jackass?”
Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: ‘Could you please pass the butter?’
“But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.”’
Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:
"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: ‘Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.’
“The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”’
Death earned big laughs in Scotland:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.”
And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:
"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, ‘I slept with your mother!’
"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
"The first again yells, ‘I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!’
“The other says: 'Go home dad, you’re drunk.”’
The survey revealed other fun facts:
– Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.
– If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.
– The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
Researchers said no one ever found it funny.
The findings can be read at www.laughlab.co.uk