Dumb jokes that the situation absolutely required

Inspired by this cowbell thread, have there ever been a time where someone inadvertantly set you up for a dumb, overused or otherwised hackneyed joke, movie line or pun, but you just HAD to say it anyway.
For me:

  1. Just got out of the NYC subway near Carnegie Hall (I think you know where this is going) and a panicked tourist suddenly stops me. "EXCUSE ME!! HOW DO I GET TO CARNEGIE HALL!??

2) Walking in my neighborhood, I spot some kind of fleamarket/street sale. “What are these?” I ask. “Oh, these are O.R. scrubs.”

“Oh…Are they?” (from Rushmore)

and from a friend of mine:
His date is talking about how she grew up on a pig farm and how they always had fresh pork, bacon and ham.

So he replies "Yeah right…There’s some MAGICAL animal that makes all those wonderful things :rolleyes: " (from The Simpsons).

I’m standing on the footpath when this car zooms around the corner in front of me. A girl leans out the window as it zips by and screams “have you got the time?”. “Yes!” I shout back, “have you got the inclination?”.

I walked into a conversation concerning appropriate language for work one day and was asked by a collegue “Do you use foul language?”
To which I replied “Turkey, duck, chicken…” :smiley:

At an Amish auction, two large pillows were on the block. The auctioneer described them and then started the bidding. Someone shouted an interruption: “What are they filled with?” After a consultation with the woman who made them, the auctioneer shouted back: “Duck down!”

We did.

In college I was walking down the dorm hallway when a guy was standing on the threshold to his room, casually talking to two girls in the hallway wearing nothing but boxers. One of the girls said “so Ludovic, have you ever talked to two women in your underwear?”

“No, two women have never been in my underwear.”

You won’t believe how long it took me to figure out that the two women were not, in fact, wearing only boxers.

How the elephant got in my pajamas I’ll never know

My son was helping his sister do something on the computer, and she wasn’t following his instructions. He shouted out in exasperation, “Control-P!”

She and I, in unison: “We usually do!”

I was working at a liquor store, and a little old lady came in.

“Young man, could you please call me a Yellow Cab?”

“YOU’RE a Yellow Cab!”

In 4th grade, there was a Pizza Hut jingle that went “Pizza Hut pizza to go, woa woa woa!”

My best friend and I were singing it in class and a classmate got annoyed:

Me and Friend: “Pizza Hut pizza to go, woa woa woa!”
Classmate: “Will you be quiet?”
Me and Friend in unison: “No no no!”

The other day I shot an elephant who was wearing my pajamas. I’m not sure why he was wearing my pajamas.

“What type of underwear do you wear, boxers or briefs?”


Whenever someone says “Surely” to me, I have to say, “And don’t call me Shirley”. The elderly LOVE that, makes them laugh every time.

Back in the mid 1980s when I was a teen, an ad for Tuna Helper was running with the slogan, “we’ll change your tune about tuna.” A friend was fixing my tape player Walkman, which also had a radio tuner on it. He told me that the pointer needle wasn’t lining up quite right with the station frequencies. Without missing a beat, I said, “So, does that mean I’ll have to change my tune about tuning?” He thought it was a rather lame joke, but I think it was just because he didn’t think of it first.

I was going through the triage process at the local ER when I separated my shoulder, and the nurse asked me, “Do you have any hearing problems?”


She gave me the old stinkeye, and said that one happens every time…

[nitpick] I believe the first part goes “The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas.” This sets up the listener to think that the hunter was in his pajamas, while the punchline reveals that in fact the elephant was in the pajamas. [/nitpick]

You know, pajama is a funny word. Pajama pajama pajama.

We were doing a production of The Music Man. There’s a scene where the ladies are doing some sort of tableux, with the dialog, “One grecian urn, two grecian urns.”

The director stopped the play to give directions. One of the actors said, “What’s a grecian urn?”

I shouted out, “About a buck and a half an hour.”

My husband needed hand surgery after an accident. His doctor knew he is a professional musician (guitar player) and assured him that he should be able to rehab well after the surgery. I couldn’t resist asking “Will he be able to play the piano after the surgery?” He answered that yes, he certainly should. I replied “Good, because he can’t play it now!”


You’re new around here, so I’ll let that slide.

Introduce yourself to the Ruin a joke thread.

Of course, I realized that I ruined my own pre-ruined joke.

In HS I was in a production of Kiss Me Kate. I played guitar in the pit band. One actor had the line “Do I detect a note of sarcasm?” Except the way he said it was with a huge pregnant pause in the middle. “Do I detect a note”, he would say, then turn a little downstage to face another character, then look at her sternly. Then he would continue, “of sarcasm?”

It took all of my willpower not to pluck a string during that pause.

Me and two friends were sitting on a couch. The one in the middle was very, very stoned. She glanced over at the TV, which was showing the credits of whatever was just on. She said, “Whoa… is this show over?”

Me and the other not-stoned friend said, with perfect timing & unison, “No, they’re showing the credits in the middle now.”