Serious young boy from religious background, trying to convince me that god must be real: “If there was no god, how did Moses and the Jews not starve to death while wandering in the desert? After all they were there for 40 years!”.
Me: “But there was plenty to eat … because of all the SAND WHICH IS THERE!”. Completely destroyed him.
Planck Time is a physics defintion - the time it would take a photon of light to cross something called the Planck Length. It’s an absurdly small unit of time, there are billions of Plank Time units in a single shake.* One of the reasons Planck Time sticks in my mind is that I understand it to be the theorhetical limit for how far back we can regress the Universe to say “This was what happened after the Big Bang.”
Here’s a wiki link that offers a little more detail. (Including the detail that I’d misspelled Planck’s name. :smack: )
*Yes, physicists have some absurd units. My favorite is that unit of area known as the barn. 
Ah, I see. Thank you.
Hilarious thread!
During my SIL’s wedding rehearsal, the officiant was skipping through the first run, and said something like “Okay, EJ gives her to RF after kissing her, later RF kisses her, hell, everybody’s gonna be kissing her.”
I immediately let out a not-very-quiet “Pawns jump queen!” The guy next to me was rolling.
Years ago, I was helping out at a local artsy moviehouse on Hallowe’en, and a guy came in dressed as Bozo - red nose, floppy shoes, brightly coloured baggy pants and comical makeup.
So I turned to projectionist/ticket-taker and said, “Better keep your eye on THAT clown.”
About 20 years ago, a friend of mine had gotten a really nasty laceration across the palm of his hand, so I took him to emergency. The man who treated him said, “Try to hold your hand still, now. You’re going to feel a little prick.” Dave said, “Aw, sure. Take advantage of me when I’m drunk.” I said, “Oh man, you’re never going to play the violin now.”
I’m somewhat infamous for my dumb jokes. But usually they just shoot out of my mouth and are cleared from memory. But there was one dumb joke (which I’ve related here before) that one seldom gets a chance to use…
I worked with a woman whose husband, Chuck, was a funeral director. She came into work one day beaming happily. ‘Guess, what, everyone? Chuck got a promotion!’ I replied, ‘How many people does he have under him?’
I usually reply: “Then I’ll be Haydn.”
Every time someone at work asks me “How did you do that?” in that exasperated tone they use when I fail to have trouble doing something they think is hard, I always do one of two things.
If it is a very simple thing, I do it over immediatly, and say, “Like this.”
Or, if it is something complex, I say, “Just fine, thank you.”
Don’t ever ask me to “walk this way” though.
Tris
Is the barn built with Plancks?
OpalCat posted she was planning a trip to NYC and wanted to know what hotel prices were like in the city.
My response was “High, Opal”.
There’s a few that my friends have learned never to ask me:
“What’s up?” gets either “The unit vector antiparallel to the local apparent gravitational field”, or “That way ^”, depending on my mood.
And “What are you up to?” is “Almost six feet”.
From another thread:
I couldn’t resist! 
“What’s new?”
“New York, New Jersey, New Mexico.” (Or New Hampshire, but three states has the best cadence, and I don’t like to leave NM out.)
since I’m not as science oriented as you, I say “the sky, the clouds, a bird” or at night “a helluva lot of stars”
“Are you sure you’re completely normal?”
“Yup, I’m absolutely normal… Orthogonal to everybody else”
(this usually means I get to prolong the agony, because first I have to explain what “orthogonal” means…)
I do it too, but I have found that “I’ll be Hayden.” works a lot better. You get “next day” laughs on that one.
Tris
My whole family does that one!
c/(lambda)!
(nu = frequency, lambda = wavelength)