Horndog #1: Yeah, I was willing to talk to you because your initial messages weren’t utterly, crashingly boring. However, I have SEEN that bullshit “tell her something deeply personal about yourself so that she will feel freer to divulge her innermost fantasies for your polluted mind to enjoy” ploy before. It didn’t work. It’s not GOING to work. And of course I’m fucking not sending you nude pics of me, are you out of your MIND?
Horndog #2: Yes, I’m happily married. What? Yeah, happily married. So no, I don’t want you to buy me a plane ticket to Suckmydick, NV. Anyone desperate enough to make an offer like that to someone they’ve only TYPED TO, TWICE, is probably unwashed, uncouth and disease-ridden anyhow. And I’m talking Leprousy, here.
Horndog #3: Yes, I am a bored housewife. No, I don’t have a porn site. Have a nice day.
Horndog #4: I hate to break this to you, but you are BORING. “hee hee i like yr tits” is not, amazingly enough, going to sweep me off of my feet and send me into spasms of joy. “do u want to suck my dick” isn’t, either. And the lyrical invitation, “cum on cyber w/me” is intriguing only in the anthropological gems to be found in the apparent regression of the human species. Oh yeah…and I can tell you’re only 13, dumbass.
Horndog #5: I’m sorry I don’t measure up to your Ideal Internet Love Connection because I actually use ICQ to…hold onto your hat…TALK TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I don’t have the little “Chat with me PLEAAAAAASE” icon on, because…well, because I’m not looking for random chat partners. The blatant hostility in my profile (which you should have read, genius) should be a pretty good indicator that my Bullshit-O-Meter is calibrated VERY low.
And for crying out loud…did Turkey just get DSL or something? EVERY GODDAMNED DAY one of you randomly IMs me to chat. What? What? No! Isn’t there anything to do in Turkey? Don’t you have women there? What the FUCK?