Dumb things you've done

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I haven’t been around much lately and so I suddenly felt the need to share this story which happened about a month ago. I had origianally posted this at my livejournal, but that can only be read by people on my friends list, so here’s a chance for me to really show how stupid I can be!

For those who don’t know, which should just about be everyone reading this, I’m growing a beard. The three main reasons for this are:

  1. I’ve never grown a full beard and I want to see how it looks on me
  2. I don’t like to shave much anyway cuz I’m a wussy-boy with sensitive skin
  3. I’m more than just a tad bit on the lazy side.

However, even growing a full beard I still want to look neat and well-groomed, so I still shave my neck and a bit on my cheeks. I outsmarted myself. I was staying at my parents’ place and not wanting to use a disposable razor (which is even worse on my already wussy-boy sensitive skin than my regular razor) and being lazy, I noticed my mom had some Nair in the bathroom cupboard.

You can all see this coming already, can’t you?

I don’t know exactly what’s in Nair (cuz I’m too lazy to go read the bottle), but I now believe the active ingredient is some sort of industrial grade acid. I followed the instructions as printed and more than 2 hours later, my face was still burning from Hell’s suntan lotion. There were spots on each cheek, where I had just dabbed the stuff to rid myself of a couple hairs here and there, where the top layer of skin was gone.

I will never comment about a girl’s stubbly legs again. Unless the thighs give me stubble-burn on my cheeks or something. :wink:

So, anyone else done anything stupid lately?

2

I’m reposting this from the thread “I don’t think I have a drinking problem, but…” in this same forum, simply because it really is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
you know you have a drinking problem when, at a party:

*you chug a bottle of vodka like lesser beings would chug a heineken, as your friends count you off to a time of 23 seconds

*you go to mix a screwdriver for a topless girl but accidentally pour the vodka into your pint of guinness which was sitting directly adjacent to the cup of orange juice

*you sit down in a wheel chair and fall backwards onto your ass. 15 times.

*you finally, after a fifth and a half of smirnoff, stumble into a bathroom where your friend is receiving oral sex in the bathtub and puke your guts out into the toilet, then promptly leave without saying anything.

*you pass out on the living room floor, your friends put you in a bedroom where you nearly die jimi-hendrix-style if not for your friend Mark.

*in the same room, you wake up after 2 hours, and turn to see your female friend being raped in the mouth by an anonymous hispanic male.

*despite seeing this, you pass out for another two hours.

*you wake up with nary a hangover and everyone’s getting laid, which depresses you, so you drink some more.

*and you throw up some more.

Man, what a friday night.

3

RAPED IN THE MOUTH OH GOD THE HUMANITY

speaking of drunk. as am i. man, what a tuesday night.

4

Off the top of my head, I’d say that using the “aerosol hair thickening system”* in lieu of deodorant on my armpits wasn’t exacly one of my finest moments – I still think I must have had decaf that morning.

*Disclaimer: Gag gift from a friend. Yeah I know, some “friend.” Besides, it was the wrong shade on my armpits :mad:

5

Never buy the stick foundation and stick blush.
Early one morning, I grabbed the wrong tube, dotted my face, blended (I do all my morning stuff semi awake, BTW), looked in the mirror…
I was convinced I had some odd rash/roseaca/terminal illness until I looked at the tube. Last day I used that stuff. :smiley:
At work, I’ve stood up to do something and misjudged where the chair was when I went to sit down, or forgotten I’m still hooked up to the phone, gone to walk away and almost ripped my ear off.
Yep, I’m graceful.

6

[hijack]

Being forced to perform oral sex is still a pretty damned horrible experience, just FYI.[/hijack]

Anyway.

In the spirit of the OP - I’d bought that Epilstop stuff to see if it really removed hair as easily as it said. I guess my first warning was that the smell was just as bad as or worse than Nair. I tried it once and, just like Nair, only about half the hair came off. I still had to shave anyway. So a couple weeks later, I decided to give it another shot. I put it on, set the timer, and went to work on the computer. I noticed during this process that a spot on my leg was kind of warm and tingly. I’d neglected to remember that a couple of days before, I’d barely scraped my leg - protected by pants - on a concrete planter, but it had done no real damage, just made the skin pinkish. Well, the Epilstop did damage all right - when I wiped the stuff off, I had some reddish blotches on my leg. These started oozing slightly, and ended up scarring; I still have the scars on my leg and that must have been a couple years ago when it happened.

7

STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever done?

Why, that would be having a party at my mothers bosses house(who happens to be a lawyer, by the way) when they were both out of town. One of the poeple there was a sad drunk and punched a hole in a door, one of them asked me if I had a condom(his girlfreind was there) and when I said no, he asked me if I had any saran wrap… one of my freinds passed out in a bathtub, one of them passed out in a sandbox OUTSIDE, I made 3 cups of coffee to sober everyone up and I fergot to put the filter in everytime(they drank it anyways… I’m a very intimidating drunk) and then when I couldn’t get some of them to leave, I made the phone ring and then told them that my mom was on the way. they left, I fell asleep on the stairs, woke up, cleaned up, went to where I was staying, and then got caught.
This was last spring. Whataway to end grade 9.

8

Grabbed the wrong tube of paste from the bathroom drawer and brushed my teeth with Desitine ointment instead of Crest. Very nasty taste.

9

Moved to japan.

10

Last year I decided to run an extra heating/AC duct, from where the unit is in the attic to my garage. I cut a hole in the main duct in the attic, right near the blower unit. I have electric heat, btw. If it’s too cold for the heat pump, there are auxilliary heat strips that kick in. Until this point, I was never really sure where these heat strips were.

So I make a 6" hole, and stick my hand in to make sure there were no obstructions inside the main duct. Well, there were. The heat strips. Apparently, these things are “live”, even with the blower turned off. I was also precariously balanced on two attic joists at the time.

Let’s just say that I was playing the home version of The Green Mile. No, I didn’t fall through the ceiling. I came close, though.

11

The dumbest things I’ve done is prep a blood sample from an animal that I wasn’t sure if it was disease free when I was running a 104 F fever.

12

Whilst completely blitzed on cocaine, someone dared me to hold a match to a Hefty garbage bag filled with hyderogen, held at arms length. And I did it.

13

Oh dawg… dumb things you’ve done? How much time ya got?
My latest problem is this odd invention called “doors”, I believe.
They seem to pop up out of nowhere.
Especially the door on the dryer (the dryer is 4’ off the floor). I am constantly getting whacked on the head with it. Usually after I have dropped the clothes washer door on my head.
THEN
THEN
In order to leave the laundry room, I have to traverse through yet another door!
That door has been possessed by a toe stubbing gremlin. I am sure of it.
I hate doors.

14

In a recent post of a thread that quickly died off, I recounted the following story:

A couple weeks ago, I had to go into the office on the weekend. I was the only one there. Man, was it boring!

So, bored to the point of stupidity, I took two pencils and stuck them (erasers first) under my upper lip as “monster fangs.” Rahr! Then I took two more pencils and stuck 'em in my ears so they stuck out sideways like horns. Grrr! Argh!

Then I sat in the empty office going “Raaahr! Raaaaahr!” as I worked away on the computer. (Click click went the mouse.)

Realizing I was being embarassingly foolish. I spit out my “fangs” and reached up to pull the “horns” out of my ears. When I reached up with my left hand I accidentally gave the pencil a whack and jabbed my ear.

Hurt like a sonuvabitch!

For a few excruciating minutes, I thought, “here we go, I just deafened myself…” But the piercing pain subsided and everything turned out okay. No serious damage.

Remember kids, don’t put anything in your ears!

15

home made napalm and road flares. Pretty, but stupid.

16

At a 4th of July barbecue at a friend’s house we got blitzed and burned a huge chunk of magnesium in his back yard.

It was a component case for a satellite tower I brought home, and you have no idea how bright, hot and long that stuff burns! It was a bitch to ignite, but once lit it burned for about five minutes as a ball of green flame and blinding light and covering the yard with fluffy white ash. It finally smouldered to a halt in a little crater of dead grass. Scared the hell out of us.

17

Hijack I’m afraid but similar theme…My stag was spent in the company of two older brothers, father and lots of friends with plenty of booze. They decided it would be fun to Nair me from my neck down…they did this in the middle of the town centre (I was in no state to stop anything). I don’t know what the time limit is to leave that stuff on but we went to four other bars (with nothing but one of my black socks to cover my dignity) and didn’t get home for three and a half hours. By the time I got into the shower I was beginning to sober up and my whole body was burning up. Hair was just falling off me in clumps and to this day I have no hair on my chest or under my arms (My groinal area sprouted again so I think the friction of the sock probably saved me there).

The dumbest thing I ever did was tell my family I was getting married!

18

Gosh I have done so many stupid things in my life. I guess I will tell you of my most recent fiasco, yesterday to be precise. I have a doctors appointment next week (the yearly deal), so I decided to straighten things up a little down there. I went to Sally’s and bought an at home Brazilian Bikini Wax hair removal system. I get it home and start reading the directions. There is 1 jar of wax and 4 comfort bottles and several wooden sticks. You heat the jar in the microwave until you are able to stir it and it is the consistency of honey. This step here is suppose to take 1 minute. It took 5, that should have been my first clue that this wasn’t going to be easy. So I prep the area down there with the first comfort bottle Pre Hon Lotion. Not so bad. Then I go with the second bottle which is a Pre Epilation Oil. I guess this is suppose to make it go on easy. No problem. Now comes the wax. I get some on the wooden stick and proceed to do the dirty deed. I let it dry for about 45 seconds, I hold the skin taut and rip the wax away. OH. MY. WORD. You have no idea.The pain was unbelievable. Well not wanting to look like an idiot, I had no choice but to do the other side. Here we go again. Same feeling once again. The 3rd comfort bottle is Wax Off. This is suppose to take off the wax residue. Yeah right. And the 4th comfort bottle is Slow Grow. That is suppose to make the hair not grow back as fast. I figured out what everything is really for. You only need 1 wooden stick to put the stuff on and stir with. You are suppose to bundle the others up with a rubber band and use that to bite on when the ripping of the wax commences. The Wax Off isn’t really for the wax residue. It’s for those that come to their senses and choose not to continue with the other side, after they felt the first ripping of the wax. And the Slow Grow is just a comfort bottle too. That is to make you think the hair won’t grow back as quick and you won’t be going thru that pain for a few weeks. There were 2 comfort bottles they left out of the kit that is absolutely essential for this type of operation. First a numbing spray. It’s purpose is to numb the area so you can’t feel it. But I didn’t want to spring for that, I was being cheap. And the #1 bottle left out of the kit was 1/5 of tequila. Hell you need something to make you forget about the pain. In the directions it states in small letters “Never re-apply wax to epilated area”. You got that right. I won’t ever be doing that again!:smack:

19

The time I purposely touched the electric fence that my grandfather had around his garden to keep out the deer.

20

When I was about 5 or 6, my mom turned off the burner on the stove, and since it the red had just recently faded back to the normal black color, I put my hand on it to see if it was cool now…