Just a couple of incidents from yesterday:
When my daughter spills something or otherwise creates choas we usually tell her “Don’t make a mess.” She repeats this back to us as “Don’t mess.” or “Doe-mass,” as she sees it.
They met me for lunch yesterday, along with my mother. My motehr spills her drink.
“Doe-mass!” yells my daughter.
My mother hears “Dumbass!” and is all offended that we would teach her such a word.
She doesn’t beleive us, so I ask my daughter to say “froggie.”
“Fuckie.”
Now she believes.
I climb a half inch rope tied to rafter as part of my workout. Hands only. Last night my wife is watching me and talking while I work out in the barn. I hate this as it’s distracting, potentially dangerous, and always gives a bad workout.
But she wants to talk, so there we are.
“I bet I can climb that.” she says.
“Ok.”
“What’ll you give me if I can?”
“Whatever you want.”
“A-ha! so you don’t think I can?”
“No.”
“I get to use my legs.”
“Sure, but you have to tap the rafter at the top, or it doesn’t count.”
She looks at it. It’s only about 20-25 feet. Doesn’t look like much, but when you’re part way up and clinging to a half inch natural fiber rope, it’s a different story.
“One hour backrub?” she asks.
“Ok, but if you can’t do it, I get the sex massage. (don’t even ask,)”
“Ok,” she says. “It’s a bet.”
“One thing,” I say by way of warning. “No matter what you do, don’t slide down the rope. You must lower yourself. It doesn’t have anything to do with the bet, but if you slide the rope will burn your hands and legs badly.”
Now she looks worried. That’s just what I wanted. Besides, it’s true.
She climbs up about ten feet, and hangs there.
“I thought this would be like the rope in High School.”
“No,” I say. “Thinner makes it much harder.”
“Errrr. ::grunt grunt:: ::Snort::”
She gets about another foot.
“I can’t do it,” she whines petulantly.
“I know,” I say, thinking sex massage.
She tries to lower herself, but as soon as she takes one hand off the rope she starts to slide.
“Owwww!” She gets her grip back, and hangs there.
“I’m stuck!”
“Yes. Isn’t it fun? If you try to lower yourself you start to slide, if you just hang there, your grip will lose it’s strength and you’ll start to slide anyway. It’s quite the conundrum. You better do something soon though, you look like you’re weakening fast.”
“Help me.”
Right now she’s about five feet off the ground. Her butt is about my face level. There’s hay on the floor.
“Let go, and drop,” I suggest.
“Help Meeee!” She slides another foot.
“Ok, why don’t you just put your feet on the ground?”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” she screams as she lets go of the rope.
She falls about two inches to the ground.
I also learned yesterday (unrelated) that when Japanese people have sex, they don’t say “I’m coming.” They say “I’m going.”
Therefore, you should beware of having sex with Japanese people. You won’t know whether you’re coming or going.
