Related: “He fell out of the [Dumb/Stupid/Ugly] Tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
said by an elementary school teacher on the coast of North Carolina: “Dumb as a conch.”
Something I used to say about one of my cats: “She’s a wonderful kitty, but if she were any dumber we’d have to water her twice a week”.
Here are some of my favorites:
[ul]
[li]He’s got an interminable case of the stupids.[/li][li]His hard drive has a few bad sectors.[/li][li]He couldn’t count to two without having to start over for losing count halfway.[/li][li]He’s as bright as a two-watt lightbulb painted black.[/li][li]He’s brimming with all the intelligence of a damp sponge.[/li][li]It takes practice to get that stupid.[/li][li]He has a styofoam brain.[/li][li]He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel.[/li][li]He’d be out of his depth in a puddle.[/li][li]he’s as dense as a black hole.[/li][li]His shoe size exceeds his I.Q.[/li][li]If brains were money and battleships cost a nickel he couldn’t make a down payment on a canoe.[/li][/ul]
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My primary school teacher: “You’ve not got sense you were born with”.
Nah, Cyn has the best one for that.
Couldn’t get a clue covered in clue musk, doing the clue mating dance in a feild full of horny clues during clue mating season.
Here in France, we usually say “con comme la lune” (dumb as the Moon) ou “con comme une poutre” (dumb as a wooden beam). An old-fashioned one is “bête comme ses pieds” (as smart as his feet), and my grandma is partial to “bête à manger du foin” (so dumb he might as well eat hay).
When he was a Boy Scout, he helped old chickens cross the road.
Didya ever see him with his legs crossed? He has instructions written on the heels of his boots.
Two! … Dumber than two boxes of rocks!
He’s not even the brightest bulb in the tulip bed.
He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a barn-seeking missile.
Always liked this classic from Red Dwarf:
“He’s a few good men short of a posse.”